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Old 03-27-2013, 05:44 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Middle of Oregon
Posts: 422
Default whatever the problem is

it could probably be solved when all parties involved genuinely care about finding a solution. If the person honestly believes in not restricting the love their partners feel for others and all parties are honest and able to communicate and respect one another then there probably wouldn't be a problem.

It's easier said then done and when it's done, a person might find the freedom to love more trouble than it's worth. When everyone is completely honest and genuinely cares about all parties they are directly and indirectly connected with, which means treating other people's partners with respect, yet things still go wrong or they feel they can't handle it for whatever reason, it may be because one or more parties do not truly know themselves.

I think most of the times though, it's a simple matter of not being compatible due to different points of views regarding certain topics, otherwise rational and open, honest people should be able to pinpoint the behaviors that are causing issues and from there each person would have to make a decision whether or not they can live up to agreements and commitments discussed.

Being hypocritical and being able to admit it is one thing, but it is still a fairly shitty thing to put people through especially if the person doesn't come right out and say it but rather the parties involved have to figure it out. It's one thing to try it out and see if a situation works for you (you'll never know for sure til you try it) but it's an entirely different thing to go into a situation with people who don't disclose the details they are well aware they are hypocritical with their speech and/or exhibited behavior. Some forms of hypocracy really are no big deal, if you know a partner will always throw a tantrum for the first five minutes when you get home from a date, but ten minutes later as is well and the issues won't manifest itself in other unrelated ways it is no big deal. However what usually happens is the issue comes out in ways that aren't recognized where the source of the behavior actually arises from. Once that happens it is impossible to ever effectively deal with because the person isn't actually upset about whatever they are blowing out of proportion, they are upset because that is just what happens when you get home from a date. So long as everyone knows themselves well enough to understand what they need to have healthy relationships, everything can be worked out. If they just need to tantrum for five minutes every time you return from a date, then all is well is one thing. But if the person can't get be OK with something no matter what, then everything you do to deal with your emotions in healthy ways is wasted time and energy which is why all people involved having a successful poly life depends on each other being honest and truly knowing themselves. Everybody has knew found self discoveries about themselves, it is crucial when they happen you let your partners know, especially if they contradict they way you presented yourself. If anyone thinks something about the other that is no longer accurate, it is trouble just waiting to happen. Certain situations with people who just plain think too differently may find it impossible to be connected in any poly configuration, but I think it is usually due to one or more persons not being honoring agreed upon behavior and respecting those people you may have little to no contact with.

It only takes one bad apple to wreak havoc and essentially break up any configuration, and it isn't always obvious when it's happening nor is it always possible to know who is responsible. Some people have a problem being honest with themselves let alone people they are friends with which is why you should wisely choose the people you decide to get involved with.

It can make all the difference in the world to a person's experience with unrestricted loving relationships

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 03-27-2013 at 06:07 AM. Reason: typo, added thoughts
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