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Old 03-15-2012, 02:33 AM
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Somegeezer Somegeezer is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Leeds, UK
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Originally Posted by HotPepper View Post
Well, that sounds great, I do hear you. But, as I'm sure you're won't be surprised, my situation has it's own particular circumstances.

She knows I've been visiting poly sites, I also have been downloading the Polyamory Weekly PODcast for some time (Minx's podcast). And she borrows my phone quite often, so I think she would know about this podcast.

About 3 months ago I revealed to her a deep belief I have about my view on religion, and I told her at the time that there were other things I believed in regarding relationships. She told me she did not wish to discuss anything further along those lines. And that was that.

So it's very hard for me to know where her limits are, or what I can safely reveal to her about who I am.

I know this sounds wacky, we've been together for 13yrs, have a child together, etc. But she's a VERY closed person, whereas I'm much more open, but I''m open with her only to the point where it makes her uncomfortable, which is where I am right now.

Hence the reason why I'm not looking for advice, I'm certain there's no one exactly in my shoes (isn't that true for everyone really?). So I'm seeking knowledge about your experiences, and others, to help broaden my outlook.
Keep hiding who you are, and see how much better it makes you feel. Not being able to be yourself. It will hurt. That's what my experiences say. I had enough control to change that and just be out with myself. To BE myself... and I really can't describe the relief and freedom I feel from it.

You have that control too.

Yes, it can be difficult, if you make it difficult. Or you can just be out with it. Your wife is obviously not communicating AT ALL if her response was "did not wish to discuss anything further along those lines"... If you can't communicate, as harsh as this is, but you're just in a miserable relationship.

Get communication sorted.

Understand how important that is and find happiness, or just wallow in your own misery, being someone you're not.

It's harsh, but true. Sugarcoating this obviously would not help you at all... and even then, I doubt you give a shit about what I just typed out. But it's your choice in the end.

Originally Posted by Shannanigan View Post
I was fortunate in that my partner was very realistic, and we were very in love, and always had been very open and honest with each other. When I realized that I was having feelings that didn't mesh with a monogamous setup, I was able to talk to him with little hesitation. It was scary, and required a day or two of thought, but I'm so glad I did it because it started me down a great path of being more honest with myself and others. I'd always vote for talking, even with a sensitive partner, rather than suffering silently indefinitely.
and a big +1 to that.
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