Good morning and happy Monday!
We finally arrived on Saturday night. The first flight was a few minutes under 12.5 hours. The second flight was about 6 hours. When we got to our hotel, after dinner, it was a done deal. The bed and I had an unbreakable date. Hubby dearest did not wake up until well after 10. He was out for a solid 11 hours. The layover helped to combat jet-lag for everyone in our travelling party. I was in motion the entire layover, and I was close to a window to be exposed to sunlight. I was happy to be on the ground after those flights.
My MIL and FIL landed about 35 minutes after us. She actually hugged me, which made me paranoid like, "Are you going to inject me with something real quick?" Matt was giving me that look like, "Please." I know she is not my biggest fan. She seems to like me now that I am not with Si.
Sunday was interesting. We went grocery shopping, so that we will not have to eat out every single day of our holiday. Our suite has a full kitchen, and I want to utilise it. I do not want takeaway or fancy dancy restaurants every day. Give me a cheeseburger and some fries. I am actually cooking breakfast today. We explored the city and held the first three consultations at unusual locations. I feel stifled and confined when I am stuck somewhere. It makes me uncomfortable. We met the first one for tea. We met the second one over lunch. We met our favourite one over dessert at a local bakery. I seriously believe we might have found our new therapist. We loved her style, her plan for us, and just her overall vibe. We clicked with her. We also chose to meet outside of their offices so that they could see how we interacted and communicated in informal settings.
With therapist #3, Matt and I got on the subject of things that will be off-topic for the next week. She kind of raised her eyebrow, but I knew she was listening. He does not want to talk about anything dealing with poly, anything involving my ex, and no one outside of our marriage or core unit as a family. I will respect that. She asked him, "Why?" His response, "This is the first extended, private holiday we have had since our honeymoon. Most holidays, her ex was around. Instead of being able to enjoy one-on-one time with my wife, schedules were still in effect on romantic getaways. At certain points, I was sleeping alone like at home. We visited some of the most romantic places in the world, and I had to enjoy them alone. How am I supposed to feel about that?" We could tell that was a sore spot for him. I could tell she wanted to explore that some more, but we left that topic alone.
We went back to our hotel. I could feel that he was kind of distant due to bad feelings being stirred up. I gave him space and let him know that I was there if he wanted to talk. He actually did come to me, and we talked until we had to leave to go see a play. I am kind of glad that he chose to come to me and discuss why this particular holiday is important to him and why he does not want to discuss anything outside of us. During the week, we are weighed down by the laundry, the schedules, children, work, and everything else. We finally have one full week of uninterrupted time to bond and reconnect. I mirror his thoughts in wanting to focus on us. If I wanted to talk about everything else, we could have stayed where we were. I wish I could refute what he said, but truth is, that is very much the way it happened. Usually at my insistence. "Do you mind if she comes with us? You will not even know she is there." By me asking that, it apparently threw any plans he had made off course. That romantic dinner for two overlooking a cliff in the Seychelles? Cancelled or rescheduled for another night. I cannot imagine how that must have felt. The thing with Matt is, he puts all of his heart and effort into planning things and tailoring them to my liking. He is thoughtful like that.
I now know why and how he has mastered the art of surprise getaways. It was partially out of love and wanting to surprise me, but the other part was so that my ex would not have the chance to join or interrupt. Now, I understand his holidays within a holiday. Prime example. I was in San Francisco for our anniversary week and Valentine's Day. He had taken the week off to spend it with me and our children. He had an inkling that she would be there, so he planned a getaway within my business trip. We left for Cabo San Lucas on the morning of Valentine's Day and returned over the weekend. That did not sit well with my ex. During their argument, she brought it up. She thought it was a slap in the face, but it was really him just wanting some time alone with me--without her being anywhere close.
I cannot get mad at Matt for any of his tactics or surprises. I contributed to it because if I had acknowledged that, "Hmm. Maybe he wants a full week alone with me," he would not have felt this way. No sense in rehashing the past. We have to move forward. FTR, I enjoyed our little mini anniversary/V-Day break. I am sorry that she feels/felt like it was something to spite her. I do not believe that. Regardless as to the motivation behind the trips, I believe they came from a sincere place. I cannot speak for him, but I enjoyed myself when we did have a couple of days alone. If that makes me a bad person or makes it seem like that is shitty treatment of her, oh well. I do not see it that way.
We are meeting three more counsellors today. Unless they can wow us, I do believe we are going with the lady from yesterday. We have officially been out of counselling for a month. We have grown and matured since then. I use this blog to keep track of the progress. I want to go back and be able to say that, "Back in March, this, this, and this was the case. We are in June, and x, y, and z are proof that things are steadily improving." Yes, we have ups and downs, but we are recovering and bouncing back much faster. The situation from yesterday could have easily weighed us down and prevented us from having a great day. Once that was squared away, we were able to get back to our evening.
Nanny J is here, but she is off-duty. We invited her, so that she could see where we will be living, get a feel for it, and have some time off. We talked to her. She went to the spa and did some shopping. I am glad she decided to come with us and that she is relaxing.
A week without discussing poly or even mentioning Si to Matt. How hard is that going to be?
I am off to figure out what I am wearing, start on breakfast, call my parents to check on my children, and prepare for the day. I hope everyone is doing well.