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Old 10-14-2011, 06:36 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 495

Originally Posted by SunshineAngel View Post
I trust S with my life, don't get me wrong. He has always been honest with me and never given me reason to doubt him (although I have given him reasons earlier on in our marriage) ... but I am/have been feeling like an 'obligation' to him recently. I realize it's most likely due to the NRE that him & Sunshine are sharing, which is why I have not made mention of it to him.
This stuck out at me. It's not uncommon for the fact that your SO is having NRE for someone else to stir this feelings of "obligation", or being the "old, boring thing at home." This is neither good nor bad, right or wrong, it just is.

I suggest dealing with it on two fronts. First, thinking about why these feelings might pop up. Old insecurities, self-esteem stuff, etc. These are the things you will need to work on FOR YOURSELF... in life, not only in relationships. Sometimes I'm so grateful for the fact that my insecurities were brought out so much because it was only when it became so painful that I absolutely HAD to deal with them, and I'm much more content and healthy because of it.

And secondly... TALK TO HIM! Seriously... there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying that you see how much energy they have between them and you are feeling a little insecure and obligatory. Then tell him what he can do to reassure you, send you some love, make you feel special-- whatever that is for you.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling that feeling, I'll just walk up to the hubs and say "need hug". And he'll give me a minute-long squeeze that makes me feel all loved up again.

Biggest lesson I've learned in the past year-- figure out what your needs REALLY are, and don't be afraid to ask for them, or make them happen. Waiting for them to happen on their own because they "should", feeling badly because people aren't giving you what you need when you don't TELL them... that didn't work out so well.
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