View Single Post
Old 07-29-2011, 11:07 PM
Jems Jems is offline
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Eastern Canada
Posts: 11
Default folks are awesome. I have not visited in a day or two since the post I guess been busy with wrapping up work so I can go on family vacay...WoooHooo! But took a few mins (before vacay really gets into full swing) to read the responses tonight and again WOW!
Thank you both for your input, and sharing your thoughts and feelings. I really am happy that I have found this place.

Hubby and I have been together for 16yrs in poly /mono relationship for approx the last 10-12yrs for the 4-6 yrs prior we were mono, and for 5yr before that I was married to a man who I left because I fell in love with another. I have an adult child from the first marriage, and teenaged children in this marriage... so I am not all that young or inexperienced in life, relationships, or the trials and tribulations to my life as poly...I did have a relationship way back in my college days with a man and a woman... but back then I am not sure I identified as poly just a free spirited bi-sexual A.K.A Slut.
The first few years trying out poly in this marriage were exploring and trying to figure it out... and being I am poly and he is mono there was and is a lot of figuring out and work to do.
My venting about his silly wishes that I have a GF instead of a BF was me venting because I don't think like him and he doesn't think like me...but knowing deep down as you said he feels left out of my secondary relationship...I feel for him I understand or at least try to understand his insecurities, because he is not wired like me. Therefore he has a hard time truly understanding how I can love more than one, he excepts it and and works with me, and I love him for this. As much as he needs to try to understand me and my needs for a fullfilling life being his partner in life I need to afford him the same respect.
It is alway a work in progress...hubby and my lover (of 6yrs) know each other and we all enjoy going away on concert trips a few times a year and we socialize together other times as well. The boys have both told me it would be ok if we were all "together" someitmes on these little trips long as the guys get it all planned out before for things such as everyone moves to the right and no two guys shall come in contact other than the tag in...LOL boys are sooo silly I think this is why I love them!

Neither of these two men are poly...they do not fully understand the way I think and love...but I love them and they love me and we make it work trying to always be conscious of each others feelings and individual emotional needs.

Hubby wishes for me to have a GF instead of a BF is sort of like saying I wish I had a million dollars, would be nice to have but just because we don't doesn't stop us from living...its a wish and something he thinks would be more comfy make life easier and less threatening oh and the guy fantasy thing about two or more girls is of course there...we play with the cards we have been dealt and do the best we can... all the while loving each other as much as we can every day! Even when we are not happy with each other or the life we live we always need to fall back on our love for eachother and with that trying to understand each other, to get us through tough times.

I think our marriage and life has been successful thus far. We are still together 16 yrs later...and trust me we have worked through some really rough times and will continue to do so as needed.

Again I have to say I am so happy to be here have been feeling a bit lonely for like minded folks to talk to.

Have a great weekend
Stifled by repressive societal attitudes

Last edited by Jems; 07-29-2011 at 11:20 PM.
Reply With Quote