Hi all!
I'm new-ish to all this. I've found myself in situations recently that I can't just ask my friends about, and which I have no idea how to deal with.
Short version:
I've been involved with a married man for ~5 years now. His wife is perfectly fine with it, and though I live in a different state now it is a long term thing. I've been around their kids (3 young kids), and have felt pretty relaxed. We are all friendly and pretty laid back. Until very recently, this was an open marriage thing. She did her thing with a few people, and we did ours. When I stayed over he would sleep with either her or me.
Very recently, however, it turned into a group thing. He made a request, and after talking it over for about 4 hours by ourselves, his wife and I agreed. Honestly, I was much more into it than expected. The sex was amazing, and after I started getting texts from her a lot. Friendly and flirty, I'd say a cross between a good female friend who I text a lot and someone I have a crush on. I'm finding this pretty odd, as I've always been straight, or at the most bi. I had mild experimentation in college but never a relationship thing with another girl.
I'm not saying I think I could fall in love with her or anything, but I'm really enjoying both the flirting and the relationship, and it feels a lot like what I've had with guys.
I tend to just go with the flow. I suppose ideally I'd like to continue on as we are - really good friends who really like sleeping together. I enjoy exchanging texts with her and it does feel like it is a relationship. After all, I've been around for years, we both love her husband. They almost feel like family.
Here's the problem and what I don't know how to deal with - her hubby/my longterm boyfriend is showing jealousy. He facetimed me and she popped over to say hi and he said "This is my girlfriend, not yours", mostly joking but he seemed semi-serious. He's used to having my undivided attention when he wants to talk. I've been his person to complain to and to talk to about family stuff. He has called several times in the past few days semi-joking about me stealing his wife and she is obsessed with sex with me, etc. Today I asked if he minded and he said "not today, but if it goes on much longer..." I'm getting very strong vibes that he is not happy with new developments.
Now being completely honest with myself, I'm enjoying this. Who wouldn't like feeling wanted by two people? However, he is extremely important to me, my best friend. And of course I've been an odd addition to the family for her for years, taking care of the kids, giving her time for herself, etc. I've watched the kids so the two of them could go out. I don't want to lose what I have with him, and I don't want her to feel left out. I want him to know I would respect his feelings and will back off if he wants, but I don't want her to misunderstand and feel a rejection. This is ridiculously complicated. Ideally I'd like to continue with him as before, with her included. I'd like to cultivate a friendship with her that could stand alone, but I don't want anyone left out, etc. How do people handle this type of thing? I have found very little info anywhere, I'm hoping I can find people in similar situations for advice.
So that wasn't such a short version.
I'm new-ish to all this. I've found myself in situations recently that I can't just ask my friends about, and which I have no idea how to deal with.
Short version:
I've been involved with a married man for ~5 years now. His wife is perfectly fine with it, and though I live in a different state now it is a long term thing. I've been around their kids (3 young kids), and have felt pretty relaxed. We are all friendly and pretty laid back. Until very recently, this was an open marriage thing. She did her thing with a few people, and we did ours. When I stayed over he would sleep with either her or me.
Very recently, however, it turned into a group thing. He made a request, and after talking it over for about 4 hours by ourselves, his wife and I agreed. Honestly, I was much more into it than expected. The sex was amazing, and after I started getting texts from her a lot. Friendly and flirty, I'd say a cross between a good female friend who I text a lot and someone I have a crush on. I'm finding this pretty odd, as I've always been straight, or at the most bi. I had mild experimentation in college but never a relationship thing with another girl.
I'm not saying I think I could fall in love with her or anything, but I'm really enjoying both the flirting and the relationship, and it feels a lot like what I've had with guys.
I tend to just go with the flow. I suppose ideally I'd like to continue on as we are - really good friends who really like sleeping together. I enjoy exchanging texts with her and it does feel like it is a relationship. After all, I've been around for years, we both love her husband. They almost feel like family.
Here's the problem and what I don't know how to deal with - her hubby/my longterm boyfriend is showing jealousy. He facetimed me and she popped over to say hi and he said "This is my girlfriend, not yours", mostly joking but he seemed semi-serious. He's used to having my undivided attention when he wants to talk. I've been his person to complain to and to talk to about family stuff. He has called several times in the past few days semi-joking about me stealing his wife and she is obsessed with sex with me, etc. Today I asked if he minded and he said "not today, but if it goes on much longer..." I'm getting very strong vibes that he is not happy with new developments.
Now being completely honest with myself, I'm enjoying this. Who wouldn't like feeling wanted by two people? However, he is extremely important to me, my best friend. And of course I've been an odd addition to the family for her for years, taking care of the kids, giving her time for herself, etc. I've watched the kids so the two of them could go out. I don't want to lose what I have with him, and I don't want her to feel left out. I want him to know I would respect his feelings and will back off if he wants, but I don't want her to misunderstand and feel a rejection. This is ridiculously complicated. Ideally I'd like to continue with him as before, with her included. I'd like to cultivate a friendship with her that could stand alone, but I don't want anyone left out, etc. How do people handle this type of thing? I have found very little info anywhere, I'm hoping I can find people in similar situations for advice.
So that wasn't such a short version.
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