Hi all! I have some questions about an aspect of poly that I've not seen addressed anywhere, though maybe I've not looked hard enough.
A bit of background: My wife and have been married for 4 years and we've talked about/fantasized about what it would be like to make love to another woman as a couple. When we started watching Polyamory: Married and Dating, we both asked ourselves: Why have we never heard of poly before? Anyway, it was at that point that we explored the possibility and gave each other the thumbs up to pursue poly. We agreed that a relationship is what we are ultimately after and not just sex. We've had a few non-starter attempts and put a brief moratorium on the poly thing due to some health issues. Since that's been addressed now, we are going to post profiles on OKC as individuals instead of a couple since that seems to our best chance at dating outside of our marriage...with the hopes of trying to establish a triad at some point.
Anyway, to my point, I've read some material regarding jealously, possessiveness, rules/boundaries, etc, etc. What I've not come across is this: I've imagined myself on a date with another woman...just getting to know her, like over dinner or something. What I can't get over is the inner guilt that I will feel about sharing a romantic and intimate part of myself with someone other than my wife. And I'm not even talking about sex yet either! I think about how she might feel...I suppose empathetic would be the word I'm looking for. How do I get over this and tell myself that this is an okay venture to explore? Am I really that "trained" in our culture and society to still think that marriage is sacred and not be "violated" despite the fact that I've always thought about what it would be like to date other people? We both have talked about how we firmly believe that we are poly-wired. Does this mean that I'm not poly-wired? Maybe I'm not completely trusting that my wife is still okay with it. After all, we are heading into some uncharted waters here. I would greatly appreciate some insight and perspective in this.
Thanks!
A bit of background: My wife and have been married for 4 years and we've talked about/fantasized about what it would be like to make love to another woman as a couple. When we started watching Polyamory: Married and Dating, we both asked ourselves: Why have we never heard of poly before? Anyway, it was at that point that we explored the possibility and gave each other the thumbs up to pursue poly. We agreed that a relationship is what we are ultimately after and not just sex. We've had a few non-starter attempts and put a brief moratorium on the poly thing due to some health issues. Since that's been addressed now, we are going to post profiles on OKC as individuals instead of a couple since that seems to our best chance at dating outside of our marriage...with the hopes of trying to establish a triad at some point.
Anyway, to my point, I've read some material regarding jealously, possessiveness, rules/boundaries, etc, etc. What I've not come across is this: I've imagined myself on a date with another woman...just getting to know her, like over dinner or something. What I can't get over is the inner guilt that I will feel about sharing a romantic and intimate part of myself with someone other than my wife. And I'm not even talking about sex yet either! I think about how she might feel...I suppose empathetic would be the word I'm looking for. How do I get over this and tell myself that this is an okay venture to explore? Am I really that "trained" in our culture and society to still think that marriage is sacred and not be "violated" despite the fact that I've always thought about what it would be like to date other people? We both have talked about how we firmly believe that we are poly-wired. Does this mean that I'm not poly-wired? Maybe I'm not completely trusting that my wife is still okay with it. After all, we are heading into some uncharted waters here. I would greatly appreciate some insight and perspective in this.
Thanks!