Biases, and Semantics

And in that statement, you just invalidated the lifestyles of about a trillion kinksters. I'm pretty bored of this conversation, as I said earlier, if one is comfortable with what one likes and doesn't possess that compulsion to be part of everything, one might even use that word to describe themselves. In fact, several vanilla people who mix heavily in kink circles do.
 
And in that statement, you just invalidated the lifestyles of about a trillion kinksters.

Um, no.

It's a matter of priorities, or at least one of emphasis. I don't walk up to people at parties and introduce myself as vanilla, or as straight, or as poly, or anything else. If they ask, I'm more likely to talk about what I am and what I do in the wider world, not in the bedroom: teacher, father, musician . . .

I at least tell them my name first!
 
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And in that statement, you just invalidated the lifestyles of about a trillion kinksters.

Well, since you have taken it upon yourself to speak for "a trillion" kinksters, then please tell them I feel sorry for them, since they must have an utter lack confidence in their lifestyles to feel invalidated by my having stated an opinion on how people present themselves socially. Certainly, all those trillion kinksters must be very fragile and insecure if my being turned-off by one person who introduced himself first as a sexual practice instead of his name invalidates what they do, especially since they don't know me. Personally, I don't like being called vanilla, but if someone does that, it doesn't invalidate me. At least I have more sense of self than that. According to you, if my previous statement invalidated their lifestyles, then my being turned off by any of the kinky acts they do, must also automatically invalidate them. Hmm, didn't know I had such power over a trillion kinksters!

I'm pretty bored of this conversation . . .

Yeah, so?

. . . as I said earlier, if one is comfortable with what one likes and doesn't possess that compulsion to be part of everything, one might even use that word to describe themselves.

That's not what you said earlier.
 
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“Furthermore, some people just don't see any reason to adopt an identity and present themselves to the world based on what they do in the bedroom"

This is the statement that invalidated trillions of kinksters. You see, for many people, the lifestyle comes before the sex stuff. What they do in the bedroom is a representation of their wider relationships. It may even affect how they interact with people socially and how they wish to be interacted with. Protocol and that stuff. It doesn't mean you have to follow their rules,i rarely do, but it does mean they probably will be uninterested in bonding with you if you reuse to respect their rules. Either way, their kink orientation is what governs their lifestyle and identity for a large part, it isn't just what they do in bed.
 
Um, no.

It's a matter of priorities, or at least one of emphasis. I don't walk up to people at parties and introduce myself as vanilla, or as straight, or as poly, or anything else. If they ask, I'm more likely to talk about what I am and what I do in the wider world, not in the bedroom: teacher, father, musician . . .

I at least tell them my name first!
I'll say the same again, for some people, what they do in the bedroom is merely a reflection of their wider identity as a D or s type. For them, their kink label is what they feel is the most important information to impart on someone new to give them an indication of what to expect. I don't, purely because my personality is more in contention with my kink label than complimentary.
 
I'll say the same again, for some people, what they do in the bedroom is merely a reflection of their wider identity as a D or s type. For them, their kink label is what they feel is the most important information to impart on someone new to give them an indication of what to expect.

And I would back away, slowly, and find someone else to talk to . . . not because I disapprove of what they do in the bedroom, but because anyone who would shoehorn the complexity of her or his own self into a one-dimensional label is likely to be fairly tedious.

I was once at a gathering in college where I met an exchange student from Northern Europe. He introduced himself as an Anti-Zionist. It seemed he had built his whole identity as a human being around opposition to the existence of Israel as a nation.

I found that troubling and slightly pathetic, but mostly I just found it tiresome.
 
“Furthermore, some people just don't see any reason to adopt an identity and present themselves to the world based on what they do in the bedroom"

This is the statement that invalidated trillions of kinksters. You see, for many people, the lifestyle comes before the sex stuff. What they do in the bedroom is a representation of their wider relationships. It may even affect how they interact with people socially and how they wish to be interacted with. Protocol and that stuff. It doesn't mean you have to follow their rules,i rarely do, but it does mean they probably will be uninterested in bonding with you if you reuse to respect their rules. Either way, their kink orientation is what governs their lifestyle and identity for a large part, it isn't just what they do in bed.

You don't have to explain what kink is. You're fairly new to the forum, so I don't know why you assume to know so much more, and feel the need to lecture and explain things to many of us who have been members and posting here for years as if we are children. Me, personally, I know a lot of kinky people, have read a lot about it, and have attended kink-oriented events. I don't identify as kinky, but I don't identify as "vanilla" either, and I investigate and ask lots of questions about kinky stuff because I am curious about it. I do know there is a difference between the kink lifestyle and kinky sexual activity. Doesn't matter, anyway.

The fact remains that my statement, which you quoted above, did not invalidate anyone! No statement anyone makes could invalidate anyone's choices. Their choices are their own, and they'd be pretty weak people if anything anyone had to say about their choices could invalidate them. I don't have to like or agree with everything everybody else in the world is doing, so if I state an opinion about stuff I object to or don't like, does that mean I am invalidating them? Not at all. I'm just stating my opinion. If it's valid for them, it's valid for them.

My point in the quoted sentence was about calling someone who is not kinky "vanilla," anyway. It's not part of most non-kinky people's world view to go around identifying themselves by as silly and mocking a term as "vanilla," just because we don't want to collar or flog someone, live a TPE lifestyle, or whatever. There is more to a human being than whatever label they adopt. My objection is to use a term as an IDENTITY for someone other than yourself. Consider that non-kinksters would rather not be categorized nor identified at all by kinksters. Categorize yourselves, and leave the people who do not identify as kinky or a kinkster or a pervert or whatever other term kinksters like to use, out of it.

If you still don't get my point, I cannot explain it any further.
 
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And I would back away, slowly, and find someone else to talk to . . . not because I disapprove of what they do in the bedroom, but because anyone who would shoehorn the complexity of her or his own self into a one-dimensional label is likely to be fairly tedious.

I was once at a gathering in college where I met an exchange student from Northern Europe. He introduced himself as an Anti-Zionist. It seemed he had built his whole identity as a human being around opposition to the existence of Israel as a nation.

I found that troubling and slightly pathetic, but mostly I just found it tiresome.

Very well-said. Totally agree!
 
Am I the only one distracted by the trillions of kinksters somehow living on a planet of only slightly more than 7 billion people? By that ratio it's the non-kinky portion who are the deviants.

Just me? Ok then... back in my box.

[/nitpick]
 
I'm perceiving hostility in this thread. Just thought you all should know that my sensibilities might be around here somewhere, and when they find you, they are going to retaliate by entering your dreams while you sleep at night and strapping on the biggest dildo they can find and walking around saying "would you fuck me? I'd fuck me" while it rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.
 
Am I the only one distracted by the trillions of kinksters somehow living on a planet of only slightly more than 7 billion people? By that ratio it's the non-kinky portion who are the deviants.

Just me? Ok then... back in my box.

[/nitpick]



London must have meant "zillions of kinksters", the ones who live on Planet Kink, not to be confused with the "xillions of aspies" on Aspie Asteroid. I have been to both places, and i can tell you they are not all that different from each other, but they both are "very unique". Not just a LITTLE unique, but a LOT.
 
Vanilla is my favorite flavor of ice cream because you can add it to anything and it tastes good, or you can add anything to it and it tastes good (ever had garlic ice cream? Kinky!), or you can eat it plain and it tastes good.

I also like to be spanked until my ass is purple.

What do you say to that, OP? Am I vanilla? Am I kinky? Am I a kinky vanilla asshat? am I a vanilla kinky asshat? Do I make you feel like shit? Perhaps chocolate would make you feel less like shit? I don't know why though. It's brown. Maybe you should eat white chocolate instead.
I missed this before. That concept of it being a plain base which is enjoyable as it is or can be spiced up to suit individual tastes is exactly what vanilla says to me. Maybe I have trouble seeing the offensive slander in it because I actually really like vanilla as a flavour and as a scent.

I'd describe you to someone as a vanilla guy who likes it a bit kinky. Or with masochistic tendencies. The comparison to tofu has been done already.
 
Maybe I have trouble seeing the offensive slander in it because I actually really like vanilla as a flavour and as a scent.

The ability to understand how words can infer negative value judgements requires the ability to empathize with others. Your own personal 'take' on a word is not relevant to understanding that it is perceived as coming with a negative value judgement by others.
 
Last year I went on a date with a nice young man in his late 20s. We spent a few pleasant hours chatting online and on the phone before we met, then we met for lunch.

He'd kept hinting he was into older women very much, but wouldn't say why. I went ahead and assumed it was for the usual reason, a chance of me being open minded and kinkier than someone his age.

So after lunch and a walk and a pretty good idea he was not an ax murderer, I invited him up. We made out on the couch, we made out on the bed... I told him I don't fuck on the first date. Well! He just didn't know what to do with me! Wide range of possibilities short of fucking, right? He was so at sea, he fell asleep.

I let him nap half an hour, then sent him on his way, with the definite thought, "This guy is way too vanilla for me." I guess he likes older women because he had the idea we fuck on the first date with no more preamble than a few kisses.

So, Cindie, and others, am I judgmental?
 
You are certain about your own personal preferences. (Just my personal opinion)

I'm Breyer's Vanilla! :)

And then there's the hubbub around the word pansexual ... ohh, I am not very nice to crack open that can of worms.

P.S. I always thought vanilla meant "not kinky in any way, in or out of the bedroom." Or at least that one would need to say, "I'm kinky in the bedroom, but vanilla out of the bedroom." Apparently vanilla doesn't mean what I thought it meant? :(
 
You are certain about your own personal preferences. (Just my personal opinion)

I'm Breyer's Vanilla! :)

And then there's the hubbub around the word pansexual ... ohh, I am not very nice to crack open that can of worms.

P.S. I always thought vanilla meant "not kinky in any way, in or out of the bedroom." Or at least that one would need to say, "I'm kinky in the bedroom, but vanilla out of the bedroom." Apparently vanilla doesn't mean what I thought it meant? :(



Kevin , you are so nice you could crack open a can of millipedes and they would turn into hummingbirds and butterflies and melt away into rainbows at your feet.

You are the nicest person on the whole internet, ever.

I love you.
 
LOLOL, I love you even *more,* man.
 
Get a room, you two.
 
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