View Single Post
Old 02-02-2011, 04:10 AM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 999
Default Communication, yeah!

Two communication successes tonight.

First, talking with Mr. A ... I didn't get as much contact from him today as I might have hoped, but he's apartment hunting, as well as starting a new job. I'm also sick and this makes me sucky.

So, we Skyped tonight, had a pleasant conversation about our repective days, and I felt included in his life. He confirmed that today he was just really swamped. He didn't message me tonight because he thought I was at choir, but didn't realize how sick I am. I was happy I didn't immediately jump to the wrong conclusions about the frequency of his communications today.

At the end of the conversation, he asked if I wanted to continue to chat on MSN and I told him I felt that my needs for the day had been met (which they had been), and I would be just fine with a goodnight text as long as he was. He said this suited him just fine, and we congratulated ourselves on communicating our requirements.

Second success was with Indigo. I am trying to not be a judgmental bitch, as I have been in the past. I sometimes find myself looking for fault in things he does, for ... well, I don't know the reason, yet. This can take the form of watching what he does or asking questions about his views on things, then criticizing based on these findings. More often these days though, I find myself watching and asking in order to better understand, not to judge. However, apparently these two mindsets look the same from the outside.

Tonight, my intentions were misunderstood twice. This left me feeling crappy, not only for being misunderstood, but also for the reminder of how not nice I can be when that's the opposite of my intent.

I don't blame Indigo for his misinterpretation of my intent. I've been this way since before I met him, and was raised with this way of being and still do it, despite my best efforts. If me trying to understand him better looks and feels similar to me being a judgey arse, well I know which one I'd choose in his place!

So we sat down and I explained how I felt I had been misunderstood, though I could tell why, and that I need him to be a little more trusting of my intentions because I am trying.

He agreed to ask for clarification when he feels like I'm judging him. This serves two purposes. If I'm not judging him, then we get to carry on like real adults. If I have slipped up and am judging, this gives me the opportunity to check myself and stop.

A productive night, indeed!
Reply With Quote