A problem of touch

Halcyon

New member
I'm posting this from a new account because I'd rather keep this problem somewhat isolated from my other "identity" (for lack of a better term). I've come to trust the community here and value the input of its members. For reference, I am male and in my mid 20's. If this is in the wrong area, please relocate it to a suitable one.

This is something I've been dealing with for quite some time and I feel I've reached the limits of my ability to deal with it. For as long as I can remember, I've had what felt like a special need for physical contact that went above and beyond what the average person needed to feel happy and content. This isn't necessarily sexual (though sex is an avenue which I've pursued this, albeit safely) in nature, often just the simple act of holding hands or running my hand across someone's arm or back gives me this charge that I cant really compare to anything else with any degree of justice. If I am without this kind of contact for long periods of time, I notice changes in my mental and then my physical self.

After a few days, I feel a little down. Nothing major, I just drag a little bit and am not as perky as I usually am. Once I hit a week, I start feeling actively depressed. Once two weeks passes, the physical pain begins. I start feeling an undefinable ache, almost like an itch you cant scratch no matter how hard you try or where you scratch, that starts at my shoulders and works its way across my entire body. After that, joint pain and a twitch in my left arm begin. Its an actual, palpable pain that doesn't respond to painkillers. At first I chalked this up to depression but I noticed even when I was engaged in something that made me happy and alleviated the symptoms of depression for a few days, the pain remained. I next attributed the pain to muscle pain caused by my muscles contracting due to the stress of the depression. Muscle relaxants (prescription strength and Tylenol) did nothing to help, using a massage machine did nothing, and a massage (I was wearing a shirt for the process) did nothing. Once I am able to have that contact again, I feel this profound sense of calm come over me and I feel so "at home" that its like I could almost just melt.

This craving surpasses virtually any other desire if let grow long enough. After three or four weeks, I find myself having to remind myself to move around and eat. Its almost like my body just stops caring. Even sex just starts seeming meaningless because I cant get past the fact that I'll be TOUCHING someone. A lot of the time, I don’t even care if the sex happens or not. As long as we can just make contact, I'm happy. I think if I had less self-awareness, I'd probably be a sex addict though.

Actual touch itself is...difficult to describe without straying into the corn(y)fields. It’s a charge that races through your entire body and makes every hair stand on end, like a lighting bolt that shoots through every nerve and muscle. It feels almost like a miniature orgasm drawn out over several minutes and all you want is MORE; to be drawn in closer, more contact, more touch, and never have it end. The closest feeling I could equate it to that would have any coherent meaning for other people is when you're driving and you've got the windows down, music blasting, and you start gunning it up as the music crescendos; that rush is...similar in a limited way. It isn't necessarily sexual in nature, either. While it does enhance sexual encounters, the ecstatic feelings are clearly independent of sexual arousal. I've also noted that certain areas of the skin are more sensitive to this kind of touch than others; my back and hands especially are susceptible. Areas of skin that can generate this kind of charge when touched also become desensitized after a few minutes of contact but regain the sensitivity after given a few minutes to "recharge."

Certain people also have markedly different touches, no two people are alike in that respect. I've met people that set my blood on fire just by touching my cheek and I've met others where I felt absolutely nothing when they touched me, some have a sense of warmth that spreads from where they touch, others its almost a vibration. This can also change depending on that person's mood and the mood of the moment. I even build up a tolerance to the touch of a specific person if I'm exposed to it for long periods of time; it stops having the effect of satiating the hunger and the intervals between NEEDING contact become shorter and shorter even if the amount of physical contact between that person and myself remains the same.

I realize this must seem a little...eccentric, to be mild, but this IS something very real that I experience. I have spent hours trying to approach this from a scientific point of view but aside from a new found knowledge of neurotransmitters, nothing has come of it. Oxytocin is a neurotransmitters produced when someone is physically touched (among myriad other circumstances) and while I have considered jamming a hypo of synthetic Oxytocin into a vein, I've stopped short of this (for obvious reasons, and the fact that synthetic Oxytocin is not available without prescription.) I have read several articles on the concept of "skin hunger" (essentially the human desire to be touched) but it deals with this in a MUCH more subdued way and there is virtually no clinical information out there on the subject, its barely recognized as a "thing" to begin with. I've dealt with this as long as I have memory and while it creates some amazing experiences with people, the crash and the constant hunger (for lack of a better term) is wearing me down.

I have considered antidepressants but I can find no valid clinical reason for asking for them; how I feel is there regardless if I am depressed or not. This kind of thinking intrudes even when I am at peace and happy with the rest of my life. I also have spoken with several counselors about the subject but I cant seem to find anyone that really understands A. what the problem is or B. why it’s a problem. I feel I've sort of run out of options; everything I chase down is a dead-end with no help to be offered.

If you have anything to offer, anything at all, I would be glad to hear it.

After re-reading this upon completion, it strikes me that this looks frighteningly like a suicide note XD I assure you this was not my intention at all, I have no plans on self-destruction whatsoever. I find my circumstances highly frustrating but not nearly to the degree that warrants self-destructive behavior and I do consider myself, on the whole, mentally healthy.
 
Hi and welcome,

I didn't think think your post sounded like a suicide note :D.

With this condition I think poly is going to be a very good fit for you.

What do you do you do for a living ? I recommend massage therapist or politics ( shaking hands, slapping backs, kissing babies ).
 
Do the positive effects happen when you are touched, or when you touch someone?
Would just shake hands with people be enough?

I've never heard of this as a "condition", but on much smaller terms than what you describe it makes sense, the desire for physical contact and connection.
 
Hi and welcome,

I didn't think think your post sounded like a suicide note :D.

With this condition I think poly is going to be a very good fit for you.

What do you do you do for a living ? I recommend massage therapist or politics ( shaking hands, slapping backs, kissing babies ).
I work as a counselor, teaching life skills to teens as part of an NPO.

Do the positive effects happen when you are touched, or when you touch someone?
Would just shake hands with people be enough?
The positive effects are more pronounced when I'm being touched but they also happen almost as strong when I'm touching someone.

If I've gone a very long time without touching someone, then yes I can get a reaction out of something as simple as shaking hands or a hug but that usually requires going three or more weeks.

I've never heard of this as a "condition", but on much smaller terms than what you describe it makes sense, the desire for physical contact and connection.
I can imagine the desire for physical contact being natural, but to the point of almost a drug-like addiction where you're caused physical pain if you dont get it?
 
Have you taken the five love languages test? The book is also very good. You are very likely high in touch as how you express and feel love. If you google five love languages you can find free online tests. Also are you unusually empathetic? I've noticed that my friends who are highly empathetic either need more touch than most OR they are very very selective in who and how they touch.

Finally, I have heard spiritual healers, shamans and energy workers describe touch similar to how you experience it. Talking with shamans, reiki practitioners, energy workers in general may be very useful to you and possibly a life work avenue.
 
Sounds normal to me-not that most adults operate that way. But its a huge consideration with premature babies (look up importance of skin to skin contact and preemies). For them it can be life threatsning not to have skin on skin touch. Studies in babies that were in orphanages show similar issues.

I agree, read the love languages book.
But just as importantly, build into your life the types of connections that promote frequent touch!
Children are an amazing source for this *you slecified it need not be sexual* as they crave hugs and cuddles all day. In fact, you may consider as a sside gig, volunteering in some activity with kids in the 0-4 age group as they particularly are affectionate. They NEED the affection and they give it too.
 
Sounds normal to me-not that most adults operate that way. But its a huge consideration with premature babies (look up importance of skin to skin contact and preemies). For them it can be life threatsning not to have skin on skin touch. Studies in babies that were in orphanages show similar issues.

I agree, read the love languages book.
But just as importantly, build into your life the types of connections that promote frequent touch!
Children are an amazing source for this *you slecified it need not be sexual* as they crave hugs and cuddles all day. In fact, you may consider as a sside gig, volunteering in some activity with kids in the 0-4 age group as they particularly are affectionate. They NEED the affection and they give it too.

I am dealing with this with my youngest two children. Especially the youngest. HE is CONSTANTLY touching me. Drives me batty. But i try to respect his need to be touched and to touch - he needs it especially right now.
 
I agree with Opal too. I loved that book and my bf and I use communication about our very different languages to make our relationship run smoothly.

I don't have the severity of symptoms you do, but being touched (especially by a lover) just makes me feel so right and so loved. I have a high touch language and even a waitress patting me on the shoulder or a hug from a friend is really nice. If I had to live without snuggles and kisses and hugs, I'd probably die.

And yeah. I'm a massage therapist too. Have you ever had a professional, full body massage? If you can remove the sexual component (unless you go to a place that encourages that sort of thing) it can be pure heaven for a touch person.

Best of luck with your touch issue. I feel like I understand it a little
 
I second that massage idea, even seeing if Reiki would work (not so much touch, but curious about if its the touch or the energy that is really the issue, and think you'd find it interesting too)

I'd throw out it could be good making an OKcupid listing looking for a cuddle buddy, friends/partners, trying a cuddle party? Sharing this feeling with anybody close to you that might be open to bonding with you in that way? A contact sport that is friendly in nature? Asking a current trusted friend about non sexual cuddling, or an ex partner that you are still on good terms with?

You don't mention if you have any current partners, if you do, are they in some way not meeting your needs for touch, if so, why is that? You not asking for it, they aren't into cuddling, etc.
 
I agree with the others in their suggestions of trying different types of massage or finding cuddle-buddies...AND I get that lots of people (especially kids) require a certain amount of touch...

HOWEVER, if your need to be touched is so pronounced as to affect your ability to function in other areas of your life (as it sounds in your post) then it sounds to me like it does carry hallmarks of addiction (including "tolerance" which you also describe in your post).

Anti-depressants are used to treat other conditions besides depression - migraine headache prophylaxis, fibromyalgia, diabetic neuropathy, irritable bowel syndrome, etc. So, one does not need to have depression to take anti-depressants - we are talking about regulation of neurotransmitters here - which regulate ALL functions of the nervous system, not just the emotional parts.

You will have read in your research (go "intarwebz"!) that the most commonly prescribed antidepressants are SSRIs (serotonin-specific re-uptake inhibitors). The newest class are SNRIs (serotonin-norepinephrine re-uptake inhibitors). However, you may want to talk to a doctor about the the atypical antidepressant bupropion (brand-name Wellbutrin, marketed under the brand Zyban when approved for smoking cessation) for its effect on dopamine.

Dopamine is the neurotransmitter involved with telling our brains when we have had "enough" of something - "enough" food, "enough" sex, "enough" nicotine, etc. It it often used as an adjunctive when treating "dual-diagnosis" patients (mood disorder + addiction) which is how they came to figure out its usefulness in treating nicotine addiction. It can also be used in the treatment of obesity (on the "food addiction" side). And, unlike other anti-depressants, does not cause sexual dysfunction.

JaneQ

Disclaimer: I do NOT have any financial stake in the manufacture, sale or use of the medication bupropion (which is available as a generic) - I just have a general desire to see more people more happy more of the time :D and am a firm believer in "Better Living Through Modern Chemistry" :p
 
Have you taken the five love languages test? The book is also very good. You are very likely high in touch as how you express and feel love. If you google five love languages you can find free online tests. Also are you unusually empathetic? I've noticed that my friends who are highly empathetic either need more touch than most OR they are very very selective in who and how they touch.
I took a look at it, apparently I have a touch score of 12 and a Quality Time score of 8. Everything else is 4 or below. Interesting.

And I have been called empathetic before, I've never considered myself terribly empathetic.

Finally, I have heard spiritual healers, shamans and energy workers describe touch similar to how you experience it. Talking with shamans, reiki practitioners, energy workers in general may be very useful to you and possibly a life work avenue.
I'm generally fairly open-minded and I've edged into reiki and similar territory before, never with terribly promising results.

Children are an amazing source for this *you slecified it need not be sexual* as they crave hugs and cuddles all day. In fact, you may consider as a sside gig, volunteering in some activity with kids in the 0-4 age group as they particularly are affectionate. They NEED the affection and they give it too.
I used to work with kids, but I left that job because of the parents. The idea of a male working with children was apparently just too weird for them to deal with. I ran into a frightening amount of paranoia that I'm not eager to jump back into that again. I loved working with the kids, it was the parents attitude towards a male caregiver that ultimately made me hate the job.

And yeah. I'm a massage therapist too. Have you ever had a professional, full body massage? If you can remove the sexual component (unless you go to a place that encourages that sort of thing) it can be pure heaven for a touch person.
I have and it did help. But it was very temporary.

I'd throw out it could be good making an OKcupid listing looking for a cuddle buddy, friends/partners, trying a cuddle party? Sharing this feeling with anybody close to you that might be open to bonding with you in that way? A contact sport that is friendly in nature? Asking a current trusted friend about non sexual cuddling, or an ex partner that you are still on good terms with?
I've been through these options and while they do work, they only work for a limited time. Eventually, I become inured to whoever is providing the touch and it starts up again.

You don't mention if you have any current partners, if you do, are they in some way not meeting your needs for touch, if so, why is that? You not asking for it, they aren't into cuddling, etc.
I do actually have a ladyfriend but I can only see her on a limited basis because of time and distance constraints. I'm actively poly and looking to expand the relationship.

HOWEVER, if your need to be touched is so pronounced as to affect your ability to function in other areas of your life (as it sounds in your post) then it sounds to me like it does carry hallmarks of addiction (including "tolerance" which you also describe in your post).

Anti-depressants are used to treat other conditions besides depression - migraine headache prophylaxis, fibromyalgia, diabetic neuropathy, irritable bowel syndrome, etc. So, one does not need to have depression to take anti-depressants - we are talking about regulation of neurotransmitters here - which regulate ALL functions of the nervous system, not just the emotional parts.

You will have read in your research (go "intarwebz"!) that the most commonly prescribed antidepressants are SSRIs (serotonin-specific re-uptake inhibitors). The newest class are SNRIs (serotonin-norepinephrine re-uptake inhibitors). However, you may want to talk to a doctor about the the atypical antidepressant bupropion (brand-name Wellbutrin, marketed under the brand Zyban when approved for smoking cessation) for its effect on dopamine.

Dopamine is the neurotransmitter involved with telling our brains when we have had "enough" of something - "enough" food, "enough" sex, "enough" nicotine, etc. It it often used as an adjunctive when treating "dual-diagnosis" patients (mood disorder + addiction) which is how they came to figure out its usefulness in treating nicotine addiction. It can also be used in the treatment of obesity (on the "food addiction" side). And, unlike other anti-depressants, does not cause sexual dysfunction.
Your point is well taken. If I was to take a medication option, buproprion would be my first choice. I'm a little concerned because while it has shown promise with nicotine addiction and certain mood disorders, its effectiveness in things like methampetamine and other drugs is not well established. That and I'm wary of meds in general.

Admittedly this can severely interfere with my ability to function normally and as such perhaps concerns about exacerbating heart problems or personality changes should probably be secondary.
 
My grade 12 English teacher taught us that humans need 14 touches from other humans, every day. It can be as simple as a handshake, holding an old lady's arm while she crosses the street, or poking your friend in the ribs. Humans are social creatures, and that's one of the ways we connect with other humans. So what you're describing doesn't sound at all strange.

I'm sure 14 is just the average. Some people get by on less, some people need more. Apparently you're someone who needs more, and who reacts more strongly both when you get it and when you don't. I see nothing wrong or weird about that.

I've met one or two people on OKC who are just looking for someone to cuddle with. No sex, no relationship... just holding hands watching a show or what have you.

I'm sure there's some kind of psychoanalysis to be done here. Not enough hugs from your mom when you were a baby, wrong kind of hugs from your uncle... A lot of these types of conditions stem from some kind of childhood trauma. If any that resonates with you, perhaps addressing those issues head on could provide some relief for your situation?
 
Admittedly this can severely interfere with my ability to function normally and as such perhaps concerns about exacerbating heart problems or personality changes should probably be secondary.

The interfering with a person's ability to function normally is usually what makes a "condition" cross the line from non-pathological to pathological. I recommend that you upgrade your help-seeking from "self/peer/community/internet" to "professional".

Please remember (OP and everyone else) that I am not "judging" or "labeling" you. I'm simply responding to something YOU wrote about yourself.
 
I'm going into woo-woo land here. I can prove scientifically nothing I am about to write. If you are depressed, then you should absolutely keep seeking help, including western medications, for that. Depression does cause physical aching pain. There may also be emotional or mental causes for what you describe.

My theory, which I have absolutely no way of confirming, is that you are unusually sensitive to personal energy fields. And you may be a bit vampiric in a sense in that you need to interact via touch with other's fields. (Sounds creepy but is not meant in that way. I don't believe you are actually draining or hurting anyone.) You may also be putting out energy to others. Done in an uncontrolled, unconscious manner, this can drain you and possibly cause the muscle pains described. If you are empathetic, you may be sensing other's skin hunger or pain and drawing it into your own body. The empaths I know have to consciously shield themselves or they risk drawing in other folk's emotions - and emotions are often expressed in the body via pain or other sensations.

This can be managed. You can learn to shield yourself. (Wiccans in particular have several techniques for this. Buddhists have developed mediation techniques for various things to a very high level. You do not have to ascribe to the belief system for these things to work. They are tools, not ideologies.) You can learn to manage energy interactions with others. That is why I suggested to talk to energy workers, shamans, spirtual healers about this. Not all of them will get it or have any ideas for you. But I suspect some will.

Of course, keep common sense. If someone seems to be a total quack, well, then they are. Move away quickly if they seem grasping or pushy. Otherwise learn what you can from them and keep looking for teachers. If it works for you, then it works and that is what matters.
 
Hey there. I have been lurking on the board for a while, and your post touched me because it's similar to what I go through.

I have this same need to be touched, and many of the things you describe in your post ring true for me too, to one degree or another. I have found out, through much soul-searching and psychotherapy that what I want is not specifically touch, it's a feeling of acceptance. I have always had bad self-image and esteem, and the only way my brain can accept that I am attractive or socially accepted is if people touch me, or allow me to touch them. I have not taken the love languages test, but I already know where I would score on it. High on touch, and low on everything else.

Have you thought of your issue from the angle that touch might only be the pathway to a deeper need? That's what it is for me.

Anyway, just my .02
-Mr. Candle
 
I'm sure there's some kind of psychoanalysis to be done here. Not enough hugs from your mom when you were a baby, wrong kind of hugs from your uncle... A lot of these types of conditions stem from some kind of childhood trauma. If any that resonates with you, perhaps addressing those issues head on could provide some relief for your situation?
I cant really think of anything that would trigger this type of thinking. My mom and I aren't (and have never been) terribly close and touch wasn't a big part of life growing up, but it certainly wasn't abusive and she did try very hard to be a good parent. And if it was related to that, why would it only develop in my mid-teens? Why wouldn't it be something I recognized earlier?

The interfering with a person's ability to function normally is usually what makes a "condition" cross the line from non-pathological to pathological. I recommend that you upgrade your help-seeking from "self/peer/community/internet" to "professional".

Please remember (OP and everyone else) that I am not "judging" or "labeling" you. I'm simply responding to something YOU wrote about yourself.
No offense taken whatsoever and I completely agree, however I'm concerned about the professional route for two reasons.

First, what exactly do I tell them? "I really REALLY need to be touched" isnt terribly helpful and actually communicating the problem is difficult enough to begin with but I cant find anything in the literature that describes something even remotely close to this kind of problem.

If you cant name it, you cant really do anything at that point but throw medication at the problem and medications treat the symptoms but they dont treat the underlying problem in this case. That and a lot of the anti-depressants on the market were not designed for life-long use, they're supposed to get you to a stable enough place to work out what you need to work out so you dont need the anti-depressants anymore.

Second, I'm a little wary about dealing with mental health professionals in the first place. My job depends on employees being mentally and emotionally sound, if it comes down from somewhere that I'm seeking help for this vague problem that is effecting my mental health, I may find myself out of a job and that would be true disaster at this point.

I'm going into woo-woo land here. I can prove scientifically nothing I am about to write. If you are depressed, then you should absolutely keep seeking help, including western medications, for that. Depression does cause physical aching pain. There may also be emotional or mental causes for what you describe.

My theory, which I have absolutely no way of confirming, is that you are unusually sensitive to personal energy fields. And you may be a bit vampiric in a sense in that you need to interact via touch with other's fields. (Sounds creepy but is not meant in that way. I don't believe you are actually draining or hurting anyone.) You may also be putting out energy to others. Done in an uncontrolled, unconscious manner, this can drain you and possibly cause the muscle pains described. If you are empathetic, you may be sensing other's skin hunger or pain and drawing it into your own body. The empaths I know have to consciously shield themselves or they risk drawing in other folk's emotions - and emotions are often expressed in the body via pain or other sensations.

This can be managed. You can learn to shield yourself. (Wiccans in particular have several techniques for this. Buddhists have developed mediation techniques for various things to a very high level. You do not have to ascribe to the belief system for these things to work. They are tools, not ideologies.) You can learn to manage energy interactions with others. That is why I suggested to talk to energy workers, shamans, spirtual healers about this. Not all of them will get it or have any ideas for you. But I suspect some will.

Of course, keep common sense. If someone seems to be a total quack, well, then they are. Move away quickly if they seem grasping or pushy. Otherwise learn what you can from them and keep looking for teachers. If it works for you, then it works and that is what matters.
I have talked to a couple of people who did this kind of work and while it was interesting to learn about, I cant say the techniques really helped. The meditation did slow my thinking down a little bit and slowed the process of deterioration over a period of days but it was not an appreciable difference. I still do practice some of the techniques though. Shielding and grounding did basically jack.

I have this same need to be touched, and many of the things you describe in your post ring true for me too, to one degree or another. I have found out, through much soul-searching and psychotherapy that what I want is not specifically touch, it's a feeling of acceptance. I have always had bad self-image and esteem, and the only way my brain can accept that I am attractive or socially accepted is if people touch me, or allow me to touch them. I have not taken the love languages test, but I already know where I would score on it. High on touch, and low on everything else.

Have you thought of your issue from the angle that touch might only be the pathway to a deeper need? That's what it is for me.
I cant say I have bad self-esteem. I'm not strutting by any measure but my self esteem isn't markedly below I guess "normal."

I have considered that but after thinking about it, I cant figure out what that deeper need might be. Touch itself is a pretty basic need to begin with. I had considered that maybe it was a need for affection, someone to relate to, or someone to have a connection with but I'm not really lacking in any of that. I'm not really lacking in anything I could logically tie to an intense need to be touched.


Thank you everyone for your help so far. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm shooting everyone down but please understand, I've been dealing with this for probably ten years or more by this point. I've tried A LOT of things and I feel like I've exhausted all the options and the only options remaining are bad ones.
 
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I understand your point about dealing with parents in those types of work settings.
But, for example, big brothers big sisters-the parents sign their child up TO spend time with an adult man for example. It's the whole point that they need male volunteers.

Also, you could seek out friends with kids in the poly world too.
As I said, especially YOUNG 0-4 kids and maybe offer to babysit occasionally (aren't we all hard pressed to find GOOD, FUN, LOVING caregivers for our kids so we can get some extra time with our multiple partners?)
Or even an activity, if there is a group discussion and you aren't necessarily interested in the topic that will be going on, maybe offer that you would be willing to watch kids in another room, so polys who did want to participate-but wouldn't be able to because of young kid-could?

*I intentionally haven't elaborated on the other aspects of your topic-because others seem to have covered them well.
 
I cant really think of anything that would trigger this type of thinking. My mom and I aren't (and have never been) terribly close and touch wasn't a big part of life growing up, but it certainly wasn't abusive and she did try very hard to be a good parent. And if it was related to that, why would it only develop in my mid-teens? Why wouldn't it be something I recognized earlier?

I apologize if my comment came across as hurtful in any way. I'm no psychologist, and I obviously haven't done an in-depth psychological analysis on you. But a lot of dysfunctions that people have as adults stem from things that happened, or didn't happen, as children.

I didn't imply that your mother abused you. I didn't mean to suggest that any of the possibilities I mentioned were reality. I don't know you, or your mom, or your uncle. I was just picking the low-hanging fruit of common childhood traumas that can create devastating psychological effects later in life.

However, you do acknowledge that touch wasn't a big part of life growing up. Touch is important to a human. A child who does not receive enough affection is almost certain to grow into an adult with some kind of personal issues. Even with extensive therapy, these issues will likely never be fully resolved. But you can learn healthy coping mechanisms.

My husband grew up in a family where hugging was completely forbidden. The most he could ever hope for was a slap on the back if he won first place showing cattle. As a result, when he hit puberty, he became one of those people who had sex with lots of people, just to be touched and feel an inkling of affection.

The brain is complicated. Lots of things don't show up for years or even decades. People repress things to cope. Years later, something can trigger those memories. Even if they don't fully form as conscious memories, they can cause symptoms of trauma.

The hormonal changes that take place at puberty have major effects on neurochemistry. They completely reshape your brain from a "child brain" to "teenager brain" which, as we all know, is all kinds of topsy-turvy.

I repeat, I'm not a psychologist. I've done extensive reading, as both my husband and mother had traumatic childhoods. It's been very helpful in understanding why they do the things that they do, and why they struggle with things that come so naturally to me.

I recommend you see a psychologist about this. Not just a therapist or counsellor, but a registered clinical psychologist. You say you've looked for scientific explanations, but your description hints that it's more of a psychological issue than a neurochemical issue.
 
Example from my life: I was feeling lonely a lot of the time, even though I had good friends around me. I saw a psychologist about it. She suggested something that seemed totally ass-backwards at the time, but it ended up helping tremendously.

When my grandma got pregnant out of wedlock with my mom's oldest sister, her family completely disowned her. Two generations later, I was feeling lonely. Rationally, I figured "how could that have anything to do with it?" But I decided to suspend disbelief and give her suggestion a whirl. We went through this exercise of putting myself in my mother's shoes, my grandmother's shoes, and eventually my great-grandmother's shoes. As my great-gran, I had to "apologize" to my "daughter" for rejecting her. As my grandma, I had to "tell" my "mother" how much it hurt to be rejected. And so-on down the line, until I had to "tell" my mother that I cannot be responsible for her loneliness, that I'm an adult who has to live my own life.

At the time, the whole thing seemed totally flaky. But you know what? I felt so much better afterwards. I honestly haven't felt any irrational loneliness since then.

It's amazing how much these things can trickle down. Maybe your mom was abused as a child, so she learned to associate touching with negative feelings. As an adult, she continued to reject touching, and so did not provide her son with the touches a child needs to grow up healthy.

Again, I'm just throwing out possibilities, not saying "THIS is why you feel this way." But these are things you can explore with a professional who's trained in this kind of thing.
 
I'd absolutely die if I went three weeks without touch.

Poly has been a complete blessing for me in this. FBF, in the distant past, used to occasionally flinch from my touch. This caused me no end of pain (I didn't want to hurt him, I just wanted to touch). CBF and I cannot be in each other's presence without touching. He always, and I mean every time, leans into my touch. I didn't understand how much I needed it until I was with him.

But I dated a lovely man long before FBF, and he touches everyone. When I first met him, he was freshly back from living six months in Brazil. He was nonplussed to return to the USA and become aware of how little touch goes on here. He has helped me to have more confidence about touching people (also getting older and not being afraid of as much).

So I don't completely rely upon my boyfriends for touch. I don't have as much as I want in my life, but I have to work on ensuring I don't starve. :)

I can completely understand what you wrote about the 'charge.' Me, my hands are totally sensitive, and I frequently forget. So if I'm touched the right way, I have totally body frissons (kriyas, shivers, it has many names), and it can be embarassing. FBF delights in creating them.

I recommend massage school. It's a completely respectable profession. The hardest part of it for me, was the ending of it. I was going to school every day and getting touched by lots of people. It was horrible withdrawals when it stopped. You could then become a teacher of massage, thus continuing the cycle. I was unable to continue because my body fell apart whilst I was in school (it wasn't just that, it was a perfect storm of awfulness that's not relevant to this story).

I would also suggest that if the woo energy management you learned isn't helping, then you haven't found the right help just yet. I, for one, don't see anything abnormal at all in your 'craving.' I do feel said that it's interfering with your happy life.
 
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