wishingATX
New member
Okay.. I have been an emotional wreck lately. The relationship I have been in I believe to be the cause of this.
We started seeing each other a couple of months ago. I have great respect for this person and have grown to really adore them. We are not dating exclusively which is entirely cool by me, apart from a few things.
I want to run these things by the forums to hear other people's opinions on how one should act or feel with respect to each scenario.
Background:
When we first decided to start seeing each other romantically, we discussed how we would not be seeing each other exclusively. Awesome! I have difficulty reserving my love from others. She asked me how I felt about being with another partner in bed, so I explained that I would perhaps be open to discussing possible future bed-mates, but that I was NOT immediately comfortable being in bed with another guy that was also horny. I am not attracted to males and at the time, it is still a turn off for me.
Scenario 1:
I am invited on a date to a bar for drinks and a nice time. I have a blast! I meet her other relationship there which was awesome but not entirely expected (nor vocalized by her). Keep in mind, this is the first time I have met this guy.
Afterwards, her and I travel back to her place by ourselves to continue the festivities and have sex. Well just before we get to having sex, she tells me that she has invited over her other partner. I think, "Great, not going to be having sex for a while." Because I had previously told her that it would not make me feel comfortable being in bed with another horny guy that wants to have sex with the same girl as me at the same time. It just.. doesn't make me feel comfortable. It might for others, not me. I made a good effort to get this point across to her previously.
So, as the three of us hang out.. the night gets very late. We had been drinking and for anybody to drive would just be stupid. I still really wanted to have sex with her, and assumed I had priority of love for the night, so I would have wanted him to sleep on the couch, or in bed with us if no sex was going to happen (but I really wanted to have sex with her, so the couch was in my mind). I did not vocalize this. So as we all begin to settle down, she asks me, "Can we all cuddle in bed?" Yes. Cuddling is not sex and I am in no way against a writhing ball of cuddling bodies. Well this cuddling went on for a bit and before I knew it they both had their clothes off and were under the sheets. Stunned by deception, I lay there on top of the sheets with my clothes still on. She is rubbing me, but I don't quite know what to think at the time. It felt like steel blades across my chest. She tries to make me feel comfortable, and I eventually take my clothes off and hop in the sheets. Just moments later, they begin to have sex in front of me. I wanted to throw up. I lay there for a minute or two longer. I am not sure how to articulate the things going through my brain at that moment. I felt incredibly deceived (I had told her previously that this would make me uncomfortable, sad (that I was invited on a date and did not have love priority (I mean this more in a sense of time. Love is easier to share than time.), but most of all.. I felt sooo uncomfortable. My stomach churned. I removed myself from the situation by saying, "Guys.. I'm not sure if I really like this. I think I'm going to leave." I slowly got out of bed to try to not disturb the love setting that had been created, put my clothes on, and began to leave. She stopped and got out of bed and tried consoling me. I could not be consoled that night. I left and felt really shitty for at least 24 hours. My heart ached of lost-love and my stomach ached from stress. I explained to her my feelings and she was kind of receptive to it I guess. I said that I stayed in bed with them for so long because I wanted to give it a try, but after a while I learned that it was not comfortable for me at all. I said that I did not want to do that again for a while. I forgave her. She is awesome but maybe I've put her on too high of a pedestal..
Scenario 2:
So a week or so passes. We had seen each other a few times within that time frame. We had made plans a few days before hanging out, to hang out exclusively. Well we did spend the day/night together but around 11:30PM she says , "Oh shit I forgot I invited over ____ (other partner).. Is that okay?" I duly respond, "Oh.. sure."
In my mind, "Really? After last week? Hmm... let's see how this plays out."
Well long story short, the same thing happens again. We all end up in bed together. I went for it entirely this time. We both had sex with her and it was okay.. not the greatest sex I've had. In fact, the worst. I do like her other partner a lot as a person as we have some common interests, but I am not physically attracted to him at all. Needless to say, this was not an enjoyable experience, but I went through with it. The next morning, I told this to her. Again, she seemed kind of receptive to it.. I guess. This time I didn't hurt so much.. perhaps still numbed by the previous week.
Well yesterday I did hang out with her again. We had the most spectacular time together and hung out for most of the day. We began to touch each other and I was very involved. My mind and body felt amazing, being with her.
I began to touch her vagina and she liked it very much. I asked her if she wanted more and she nodded yes. I crawled down to give oral before penetration when I noticed something odd.. was it the string to a condom? No. WTF is this thing? Oh.. there is semen coming out of your vagina. Attractive... no. Immediately sickening, yes. I crawled back up next to her and let her know what was going on down there. Turned on my side and went to sleep. I woke up and barely said a word to her, but was very nice to her as we parted ways.
Well after sleeping on it, I still don't really know WTF to think. We have plans to hang out today and before last night, I would have been very excited to see this girl. I almost want to find something else to do today.. and it makes me very sad because this girl attracts me in so many ways. But these few things that have occurred make her so unattractive in my eyes.
Can somebody with more experience in love please shed some light on my situation? I want to love her, but I'm not sure if I am capable any longer.
Please... I would love to hear some other's perspectives. I am very hurt and can justify it in my mind but what do you y'all think?
We started seeing each other a couple of months ago. I have great respect for this person and have grown to really adore them. We are not dating exclusively which is entirely cool by me, apart from a few things.
I want to run these things by the forums to hear other people's opinions on how one should act or feel with respect to each scenario.
Background:
When we first decided to start seeing each other romantically, we discussed how we would not be seeing each other exclusively. Awesome! I have difficulty reserving my love from others. She asked me how I felt about being with another partner in bed, so I explained that I would perhaps be open to discussing possible future bed-mates, but that I was NOT immediately comfortable being in bed with another guy that was also horny. I am not attracted to males and at the time, it is still a turn off for me.
Scenario 1:
I am invited on a date to a bar for drinks and a nice time. I have a blast! I meet her other relationship there which was awesome but not entirely expected (nor vocalized by her). Keep in mind, this is the first time I have met this guy.
Afterwards, her and I travel back to her place by ourselves to continue the festivities and have sex. Well just before we get to having sex, she tells me that she has invited over her other partner. I think, "Great, not going to be having sex for a while." Because I had previously told her that it would not make me feel comfortable being in bed with another horny guy that wants to have sex with the same girl as me at the same time. It just.. doesn't make me feel comfortable. It might for others, not me. I made a good effort to get this point across to her previously.
So, as the three of us hang out.. the night gets very late. We had been drinking and for anybody to drive would just be stupid. I still really wanted to have sex with her, and assumed I had priority of love for the night, so I would have wanted him to sleep on the couch, or in bed with us if no sex was going to happen (but I really wanted to have sex with her, so the couch was in my mind). I did not vocalize this. So as we all begin to settle down, she asks me, "Can we all cuddle in bed?" Yes. Cuddling is not sex and I am in no way against a writhing ball of cuddling bodies. Well this cuddling went on for a bit and before I knew it they both had their clothes off and were under the sheets. Stunned by deception, I lay there on top of the sheets with my clothes still on. She is rubbing me, but I don't quite know what to think at the time. It felt like steel blades across my chest. She tries to make me feel comfortable, and I eventually take my clothes off and hop in the sheets. Just moments later, they begin to have sex in front of me. I wanted to throw up. I lay there for a minute or two longer. I am not sure how to articulate the things going through my brain at that moment. I felt incredibly deceived (I had told her previously that this would make me uncomfortable, sad (that I was invited on a date and did not have love priority (I mean this more in a sense of time. Love is easier to share than time.), but most of all.. I felt sooo uncomfortable. My stomach churned. I removed myself from the situation by saying, "Guys.. I'm not sure if I really like this. I think I'm going to leave." I slowly got out of bed to try to not disturb the love setting that had been created, put my clothes on, and began to leave. She stopped and got out of bed and tried consoling me. I could not be consoled that night. I left and felt really shitty for at least 24 hours. My heart ached of lost-love and my stomach ached from stress. I explained to her my feelings and she was kind of receptive to it I guess. I said that I stayed in bed with them for so long because I wanted to give it a try, but after a while I learned that it was not comfortable for me at all. I said that I did not want to do that again for a while. I forgave her. She is awesome but maybe I've put her on too high of a pedestal..
Scenario 2:
So a week or so passes. We had seen each other a few times within that time frame. We had made plans a few days before hanging out, to hang out exclusively. Well we did spend the day/night together but around 11:30PM she says , "Oh shit I forgot I invited over ____ (other partner).. Is that okay?" I duly respond, "Oh.. sure."
In my mind, "Really? After last week? Hmm... let's see how this plays out."
Well long story short, the same thing happens again. We all end up in bed together. I went for it entirely this time. We both had sex with her and it was okay.. not the greatest sex I've had. In fact, the worst. I do like her other partner a lot as a person as we have some common interests, but I am not physically attracted to him at all. Needless to say, this was not an enjoyable experience, but I went through with it. The next morning, I told this to her. Again, she seemed kind of receptive to it.. I guess. This time I didn't hurt so much.. perhaps still numbed by the previous week.
Well yesterday I did hang out with her again. We had the most spectacular time together and hung out for most of the day. We began to touch each other and I was very involved. My mind and body felt amazing, being with her.
I began to touch her vagina and she liked it very much. I asked her if she wanted more and she nodded yes. I crawled down to give oral before penetration when I noticed something odd.. was it the string to a condom? No. WTF is this thing? Oh.. there is semen coming out of your vagina. Attractive... no. Immediately sickening, yes. I crawled back up next to her and let her know what was going on down there. Turned on my side and went to sleep. I woke up and barely said a word to her, but was very nice to her as we parted ways.
Well after sleeping on it, I still don't really know WTF to think. We have plans to hang out today and before last night, I would have been very excited to see this girl. I almost want to find something else to do today.. and it makes me very sad because this girl attracts me in so many ways. But these few things that have occurred make her so unattractive in my eyes.
Can somebody with more experience in love please shed some light on my situation? I want to love her, but I'm not sure if I am capable any longer.
Please... I would love to hear some other's perspectives. I am very hurt and can justify it in my mind but what do you y'all think?