MonoVCPHG
New member
The purpose of this post is simply to acknowledge and share a personal discovery. It is about growth in understanding a part of who I am and excitement about the freedom it has given me.
I have spent a lot of years misinterpreting the role of sex in my relationships. For years, I thought sex was just something I craved and couldn’t get enough of. I did not think there was something else I was looking for: my path to connection. Because of this, I not only miscommunicated with my ex-wife throughout my marriage, but I also went down a terrible path leading to the break-up of my family.
It was not enough to simply try to analyse what sex brought and took away from my life, even with professional help. I explored casual sex and found it empty and unfulfilling. It was not until really communicating about issues with Redpepper that I began to understand my sexuality and how connection has always been my goal, not sex.
It was through certain challenges with polyamory that I realized I needed connection before I could truly feel the intensity of sex and just how incredible it could be. I had experienced this in the past, but was not mature or concerned enough to associate what I was feeling to what I was feeling!
Redpepper and I were having some interesting talks, and out of the blue something was said, and my body had an immediate response. Cover your ears, men--impotence! Some topics or comments completely removed my physical ability to have sex. My body shut down.
It was in analysing these moments that I realized “connection” was my aphrodisiac, the core of my desire for someone, in essence, my nature’s Viagra! When I am connected, I am extremely drawn to someone sexually. When I experience something that triggers fear, a sense of threat or makes me feel inadequate, my connection is severed in that moment. It is quick and noticeable. I can actually feel my energy withdraw; there is a very real physical sensation, primarily in my face, that washes over me. It is uncomfortable and impossible to hide from Redpepper. My inability to get aroused is also quite recognizable. LOL! Funny now, not then.
This new awareness has given me a feeling of control, happiness and understanding in my life and my relationships. It is great! I was initially disappointed in my "non-man-whoring" abilities. My friends were even disappointed that I settled into a deep relationship with one person after having been married for so long. I am embracing my sexuality and the role of connection. I am proud of the way it works for me, non–judgmental towards how it works differently for others, and feel like I truly can enjoy passion on a whole new level with Redpepper.
For me, connection is the path to passion; passion is not the path to connection. Sounds obvious, but it took me 37 years and a lot of challenges and not-so-good lessons to figure it out.
This is a new awareness that I attribute, at least partly, to the openness required in a polyamorous relationship.
Thanks again, Redpepper. The gifts keep coming. Lilo, you are incredible!
Take care, everyone. Lots of love and happiness,
Mono
I have spent a lot of years misinterpreting the role of sex in my relationships. For years, I thought sex was just something I craved and couldn’t get enough of. I did not think there was something else I was looking for: my path to connection. Because of this, I not only miscommunicated with my ex-wife throughout my marriage, but I also went down a terrible path leading to the break-up of my family.
It was not enough to simply try to analyse what sex brought and took away from my life, even with professional help. I explored casual sex and found it empty and unfulfilling. It was not until really communicating about issues with Redpepper that I began to understand my sexuality and how connection has always been my goal, not sex.
It was through certain challenges with polyamory that I realized I needed connection before I could truly feel the intensity of sex and just how incredible it could be. I had experienced this in the past, but was not mature or concerned enough to associate what I was feeling to what I was feeling!
Redpepper and I were having some interesting talks, and out of the blue something was said, and my body had an immediate response. Cover your ears, men--impotence! Some topics or comments completely removed my physical ability to have sex. My body shut down.
It was in analysing these moments that I realized “connection” was my aphrodisiac, the core of my desire for someone, in essence, my nature’s Viagra! When I am connected, I am extremely drawn to someone sexually. When I experience something that triggers fear, a sense of threat or makes me feel inadequate, my connection is severed in that moment. It is quick and noticeable. I can actually feel my energy withdraw; there is a very real physical sensation, primarily in my face, that washes over me. It is uncomfortable and impossible to hide from Redpepper. My inability to get aroused is also quite recognizable. LOL! Funny now, not then.
This new awareness has given me a feeling of control, happiness and understanding in my life and my relationships. It is great! I was initially disappointed in my "non-man-whoring" abilities. My friends were even disappointed that I settled into a deep relationship with one person after having been married for so long. I am embracing my sexuality and the role of connection. I am proud of the way it works for me, non–judgmental towards how it works differently for others, and feel like I truly can enjoy passion on a whole new level with Redpepper.
For me, connection is the path to passion; passion is not the path to connection. Sounds obvious, but it took me 37 years and a lot of challenges and not-so-good lessons to figure it out.
This is a new awareness that I attribute, at least partly, to the openness required in a polyamorous relationship.
Thanks again, Redpepper. The gifts keep coming. Lilo, you are incredible!
Take care, everyone. Lots of love and happiness,
Mono
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