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Old 08-26-2013, 04:40 PM
sparklepop sparklepop is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 467

Hi AL,

Whoo, six dogs. That is busy! ~grins~

How are poly relationships supposed to grow with such little availability?
Actually... I think it's worse when a lot of time is available to begin with and then it drastically changes. I think if you start with a certain schedule, I don't see the issue. God, I don't even like to date every week. I could chat online to a lover every day; but I'm personally happy to meet up anywhere between once a month and once a year. It all depends on what you want, what kind of contact you need (in person or on phone/online) and what they want. I think seeing a person once a week gives plenty of scope for growth.

How fair is it to the person(s) we are dating?
It's as fair as they think it is. Both of the women I dated last year wanted to see me every week and I didn't want to see them every week. I didn't see that as unfair - I never pretended I wanted to. We both knew the score when we got involved. On the other handed, I could have wanted to see them three times a week and they could have only wanted to meet once a month. Fair is about being honest and open - outlining the expectations. Compatible is about how well you work together and if you both want the same things / amount of time / type of relationship.

Will the person(s) we date be just as busy (assuming we are dating within our age of 30 to 40)?
It's impossible to say! Age is irrelevant. I've actually become less busy as I've gotten older; whereas other people find themselves more busy.

The best thing you and your wife could do would be to decide how often you'd like to make time to see other people and stick to that. If it's once a month, it's once a month. If it's more, it's more.

I recently met a woman on OKCupid and her profile was so refreshing to me. She literally outlined the number of days per month (3-7 apparently... hahaha) that she'd have available for dating related things (i.e. keeping in contact, chatting online, meeting up). She didn't make excuses or pretend she had lots of free time. I thought that was great.

Whatever your situation is, there's no point in pretending it's different, because you won't find the person who is truly compatible with you that way.
Me: 32f, evolving

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." ~ Buddha
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