Online Dating… OKCupid... what a trip. What works for you?

Though on Fet, I say I dont really want to friend 'friend collectors' and so,..guess what I get ?

I admit, I joined Fetlife just to see what it is about and I find it totally confusing. I don't know how anyone meets people from it. I don't see any forums there, or ways for people to connect, just a bunch of profiles and pictures you can make comments on. I once came across a discussion on OKC where someone said the site isn't very user-friendly and all these menus are hidden in drop-down boxes, and what-not, but I guess I'm more of a message board/forum-oriented person and can't make heads or tails out of how to use that site. I was hoping to find people who aren't too kinky and are maybe just curious, and I'd heard that there are poly people there, but... epic fail for me in just figuring out how to navigate it! ???
 
I admit, I joined Fetlife just to see what it is about and I find it totally confusing. I don't know how anyone meets people from it. I don't see any forums there, or ways for people to connect, just a bunch of profiles and pictures you can make comments on... I was hoping to find people who aren't too kinky and are maybe just curious, and I'd heard that there are poly people there, but... epic fail for me in just figuring out how to navigate it! ???

I joined Fetlife to learn more about kink. It's been very helpful for that. You can also join groups - some are based on various kinks (rough sex), some on location (US east coasters), some on types of people (lesbian submissive), etc. I found the groups to be where the discussions and interactions take place. Some people do comment on profiles or send messages to folks but I have not found that a way to meet people on Fet.
 
Well, I have once again stuck my toe in the water and re-started my OKC profile so will see how that goes :) I think I have taken the ample time to let my past wounds heal and am ready to see what is out there for me. Last time wasn't so successful, but am thinking it had more to do with where my head was at and that I wasn't giving it a fair chance. Feeling a little excited, had one response so far from a good looking man who lives about 3 hours away. We have exchanged a few emails and seems like we have a few hobbies in common. Even if it doesn't go anywhere, just fun to have someone 'new' to chat with. :)
 
Actually Fetlife really isn`t all that....'naughty'.

Sure, there is a percentage of the community that is into some hardcore stuff, but mostly you will find people who's kinks are relatively mild, it just feels exciting and new for them.

Fetlife is like Facebook. It has a lot of the same ways of navigation. It is social networking, making the 'dating' secondary. There are TONS of topical discussions. I`m rather partial to that style, as there are so many walks of life on it. So many topics and groups,...whatever mood you are in. :)

I have made some real life friends from the fetlife site. :) I use to be a fan of okc, but for where I am at, okc doesn`t really suit me anymore.
 
I admit, I joined Fetlife just to see what it is about and I find it totally confusing. I don't know how anyone meets people from it. I don't see any forums there, or ways for people to connect, just a bunch of profiles and pictures you can make comments on.

You go to Groups to see discussion threads. There are groups for every fetish and interest imaginable. Groups for event announcements, etc. Also there are 2 groups for general questions for men and women, that are very popular.

I once came across a discussion on OKC where someone said the site isn't very user-friendly and all these menus are hidden in drop-down boxes, and what-not, but I guess I'm more of a message board/forum-oriented person and can't make heads or tails out of how to use that site. I was hoping to find people who aren't too kinky and are maybe just curious, and I'd heard that there are poly people there, but... epic fail for me in just figuring out how to navigate it! ???

Actually Fetlife really isn`t all that....'naughty'.

Sure, there is a percentage of the community that is into some hardcore stuff, but mostly you will find people who's kinks are relatively mild, it just feels exciting and new for them.

Hehe are you going to the same FL I am? No one who is a prude should go there, as there are pix on people's profiles of genitalia and all sorts of extreme play, even "edge play."


Fetlife is like Facebook. It has a lot of the same ways of navigation. It is social networking, making the 'dating' secondary. There are TONS of topical discussions. I`m rather partial to that style, as there are so many walks of life on it. So many topics and groups,...whatever mood you are in. :)

I have made some real life friends from the fetlife site. :) I use to be a fan of okc, but for where I am at, okc doesn`t really suit me anymore.

I've had chats with at least 2 dozen people on FL, but none have really gone anywhere. Most guys just seem to want a partner to perform one particular fetish on them/with them, and can't seem to conceive of a full relationship. :rolleyes:
 
HaHa Mags,..actually when you say that, I m definitely basing mine on local kinksters. I just dont see that many who are truly hardcore. Many who want you to think they are, and put up impressive kink-site pics, but its been my experience that many claims are just that,..claims. I am not into any of the hardcore S&M, and I find it easy to avoid.

As for meeting people, it use to work for me that way too. Fetlife, was just attracting idgits who couldnt think past their sticky sock. OKC seemed to garner more serious people.

However, lots of profile changes later, it seems to have the opposite effect.
 
I was hoping to find people who aren't too kinky and are maybe just curious, and I'd heard that there are poly people there, but... epic fail for me in just figuring out how to navigate it! ???

Search button is your friend.

Search polyamory
Search poly
Search your area (ie: New York)

It will bring up kinksters, groups and events with those words in them.

Then join the groups, and start talking to people.

Talk to your greeter - she/he will be an amazing resource for you :) (or you can find me on there - I'm a greeter and will be happy to send you my barebones greeting letter that will get you started)
 
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Search button is your friend.

Search polyamory
Search poly
Search your area (ie: New York)

It will bring up kinksters, groups and events with those words in them.

Then join the groups, and start talking to people.

Don'tcha know, some people on this forum are not savvy like that. :rolleyes:
Why don't they just have clearly-defined links to forums or some such?

And I am pretty savvy about websites.

I believe I have done the search exactly as you described, but I guess it's the fact that it's more of a blog format than a message board that throws me. Plus I should probably change my browser's color's for that site, as I have a hard time reading white letters on a black background. I just find the whole site too circular to navigate.

Eh, kink isn't really my thing anyway and I don't care to investigate it further. I just was curious about it and then stymied how anyone can say it's a great community to be a part of and they've met people there, when I can't find anything on it easily enough with doing click after click after click or search after search - bah! They need to revamp the design of it.
 
And I am pretty savvy about websites.

I didn't mean you particularly, i was just poking snark about how people always seem to be able to find a website then they inexplicably become "computer-illiterate" when they get there, as if you need a degree in IT in order to figure out how to use a search engine or read a menu.
 
Why don't they just have clearly-defined links to forums or some such?

I believe I have done the search exactly as you described, but I guess it's the fact that it's more of a blog format than a message board that throws me. Plus I should probably change my browser's color's for that site, as I have a hard time reading white letters on a black background. I just find the whole site too circular to navigate.

I think its because anyone can start a group. There's no specific forums.

So for me - I joined groups that interested me, talked to people who interested me and responded to threads that I found interesting.

Its funny - I'm more used to *that* type of forum than I am this... well, now I'm used to this one - but when I first joined this one I HATED it... it was awful to follow and I couldn't keep track because the threads kept moving and my cookies wouldn't mark what I'd read up to ... it drove me nucking futz.

:p
 
For the past 8 years all of my connections have been found online. I'm terrible at talking to men in person and am far more eloquent in writing to begin with. At least if your intentions and interests are all out in the open on a profile then you can see immediately if your ideologies match. It is not merely about someone's picture, it's how they write, what they say/don't say, if their words offer a glimmer of attraction on a mental level.

I have been to one poly meet in London and do intend to go again, but if I ever decide to look for another partner (or help existing partners to do so) then my laptop would be the first port of call.

I did offer to buy a man a drink once, and nearly died of shame when he stated a resounding no.
 
I am now on MyYearbook. I have also just about stopped going on to OKC, entirely. Why? Because it's boring and every single person I've contacted on that site, has run the other way when they find out I'm married in an open marriage. :rolleyes:

It still happens on MyYearbook, but not nearly as often. Plus, because of the ability to post a status update on a regular basis, and the ability to actually TALK to other people, it's not nearly as boring as OKC.
 
Latest msgs on okc

28 yr old male:

Are you into surfers? Hi, I'm "X." I'd like to take you out for drinks sometime and have some fun together. Too bad the summer is over now. Let me know what you think.

I don't know what being into surfers means. His profile says he wants women as old as 35. I'm 56.

hello,u enjoy many things that i myself enjoy.please say hi to a decent looking ff looking to enjoy ones comp

49 yr old male. I have no idea what ff means, or how he wishes to "enjoy his comp." I hate to imagine.
 
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Latest msgs on okc

28 yr old male:



I don't know what being into surfers means. His profile says he wants women as old as 35. I'm 56.

"surfer" means that he wears shorts, flip-flops, nothing else, has long hair and is not steadily employed. He may or may not actually have and/or know how to use a surfboard.

Being "into surfers" means "do you smoke weed and can you get me any".
 
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Flakey fiend? Flatulent fake?

I guess the most likely idea is fuck friend, but just cyber fucking! Wow, what an offer.
 
"surfer" means that he wears shorts, flip-flops, nothing else, has long hair and is not steadily employed. He may or may not actually have and/or know how to use a surfboard.

Being "into surfers" means do you smoke weed and can you get me any.

hehe. Well, I'm 420 friendly, and he has pix up (if they are really him), 2 of him and his surfboard, one of his guitar. He also has short hair and manly stubble and a strong jaw. A year ago I mightve jumped at the chance, but today, not so much. He lives 77 miles away in RI. *rolleyes*
 
hehe. Well, I'm 420 friendly, and he has pix up (if they are really him), 2 of him and his surfboard, one of his guitar. He also has short hair and manly stubble and a strong jaw. A year ago I mightve jumped at the chance, but today, not so much. He lives 77 miles away in RI. *rolleyes*


He ain't a real surfer then.

ETA: Surfing the internet, maybe.

He has 3 pics and one is of his GUITAR? I don't know where to start in on that one...
 
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