dingedheart
Well-known member
my response was always ...... no the fat makes you look fat then duck for heavy flying objects
I think all examples aren't created equal. Their examples are complimenting a haircut you think is ugly and kissing someone when you're upset.
Many moons ago I attended a play-writing seminar. The one thing that I took away from that has changed a lot of my interactions throughout the years (I wonder if he would be surprised at the part I took away from his schtick) was when he talked about how to take feedback on what he was writing, but he centered on how to ASK for feedback as his central thesis.
In his estimation, the real problem with getting painful and shitty feedback has more to do with what and whom you asked than the feedback itself. Meaning, if you are at a point where you want brutal and honest feedback you should go to the person who you most respect that kind of input from and be explicit about what you want. If you are at the point where all you really want is an encouraging word or two then make sure you don't go to someone incapable of placating and make damn sure you SAY WHAT YOU WANT. "This is a rough draft, I'm really just fishing for a positive statement or two if you can find something you like. I need a little encouragement"
What I take from this is, if you will only accept one answer then don't waste everyone's time... just ask directly for what you want.
One of my core beliefs is 'Ask for what you want. You might get it!'.
I'd like to hear from the actual poly community. Please let me know what you think. Don't sugar coat anything. I want real, honest, educated responses. Thank you for reading.
-Cloudy
And at long last.... @BoringGuy
Sigh.... I could do without the sarcasm, though based on your rather large number of posts (over 1,000), I'm guessing it's based on frequently hearing n00b idiots like me stumble their way through trying to convey their views on this new and, if you're like me, radical topic. I would more appreciate, instead, that you educate me and point me in a better direction, instead of insulting me.
And that's just the point--I'm completely new to this. So new, in fact, that I technically haven't even started yet, at least as far as an actual poly relationship goes. So forgive me if I don't use the proper terminology, or if I step on a few poly verbal taboos. And if nothing else, at the very least, I'm reading, seeking advice, and analyzing and educating myself BEFORE I take this leap. Maybe you're right. Maybe I have a warped view of polyamory, and I have it all wrong. Guess what? That's why, in my OP, I asked, "Am I just not cut out for polyamory?" I know no one here can answer that for me. But being here is part of a process to discover the answer to that question and others.
Though you are right that it's impossible to tell if I'm a jerk or not just from one post. Who knows? Maybe I hate kittens. And who doesn't love kittens?
-Cloudy
(from Cloudy asking about one penis policy)Boring Guy said:There is no "the" poly community. Please define the subset. Please define what "community" means in this context. The people who live in my zip code are a sort of "community", but we don't have a section of town where all the poly people have their own zip code. The "online poly community"? There could be more than one "poly community" on the internet, and there are people who would argue that there is no such thing. The "community" that is sometimes perceived to be this forum? Craigs List? OK Cupid? (from the rant on couple privilege)
But for all we know, you (the OP) COULD be... there are other things that make people chauvinistic, selfish, controlling jerks besides whether or not they want to fuck two women but don't want "their" women fucking other men. We, "THE poly community", WE don't have enough information about you to judge you that way... YET.
The connected pet peeve to this is that I do say what I mean, so freaking believe me when I say it!
... It's just frustrating to have every motive questioned when I'm such a straight-forward person.
That's the other end of the conversation which I think is equally important; that we "might" get what we want. I have had the unfortunate pleasure of dating a person who really had no concept of getting a response other than the one they wanted. This is the difference between a question and an order. A question leaves the possibility of any number of responses and while I might be disappointed by the response I get... it was just a question so I need to suck it up...