Thread: Risk
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Old 07-04-2010, 05:47 AM
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Originally Posted by Justbeloving View Post
When it comes to polyamorous relationships, is there a risk of simply starting over with another partner when an earlier relationship is failed yet too painful to end? I suppose that is a major concern I have with polyamory is that instead of multiple healthy relationships, one ends up with a healthy relationship that supersedes a broken relationship, which would more cleanly be handled by serial monogamy of divorce and new marriage. I feel naive in asking that question, but I haven't been able to fully wrap my brain around it.
Yes I think there is a definite risk of this happening but I don't think it's as clear cut as it might seem.

I had a long term marriage which worked on many levels but there were some serious elements out of whack. We discussed having an open-marriage (hadn't heard of polyamory but this is what we actually meant). I think if we had managed it the relationship may have been able to be repaired. It's like putting in a patch. It wouldn't have repaired the whole thing but may have stopped enough air escaping that we could have healed the rest.

And I don't mean to reduce other parties to "patches", but their involvement can be invaluable in repairing the relationship as a whole.
When I was getting emotional input from outside of the marriage I was much more able to be effective within it. New energy into a relationship also shows up negative behavior that a couple doesn't even see anymore because they're so desensitized to it. I had this huge passive aggressive thing happening I had no idea about until Z pointed it out to me.

So, yes I think it can happen but it can also heal the original relationship and make it a healthy part of a poly dynamic.

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