canthiswork
New member
This is more of an anonymous vent than a question, but I would really appreciate advice from anyone who’s been in my shoes.
I finally googled "polyamory" and found this website. I’m the "other woman" in a relationship with a wonderful man who has an honest, open marriage. It’s been several months and I really like him (love him, really) more than ever, but these are feeling that can’t be reciprocated in a lopsided relationship like ours. He has his wife for love and emotional support, but I can’t expect him to be there for me the way a fully devoted boyfriend would be. I’m afraid I’m some peripheral thing in his "real" life with his wife and kids, and that I might even be one of other poly interests. In all fairness to him, he is amazingly kind, attentive, and generous, and I expected all this when I decided to go out with him (I’d rationalized that a "non-attachment" relationship would be better for me at this stage in my life), but I never counted on loving him and needing more out of the relationship.
I guess the moral of the story is that the "poly thing" can really suck for the monogamous "other" person. Maybe it’s meant for wife/husband swappers, where it can so much more easily just be about fun and sex because each person has their real relationship to return to. As the third wheel, monogamous "other" person, I’m faced with the excruciating decision of either leaving the relationship because I love him too much, or somehow numbing my feelings so that it can go back to just being about fun.
Sigh.
I finally googled "polyamory" and found this website. I’m the "other woman" in a relationship with a wonderful man who has an honest, open marriage. It’s been several months and I really like him (love him, really) more than ever, but these are feeling that can’t be reciprocated in a lopsided relationship like ours. He has his wife for love and emotional support, but I can’t expect him to be there for me the way a fully devoted boyfriend would be. I’m afraid I’m some peripheral thing in his "real" life with his wife and kids, and that I might even be one of other poly interests. In all fairness to him, he is amazingly kind, attentive, and generous, and I expected all this when I decided to go out with him (I’d rationalized that a "non-attachment" relationship would be better for me at this stage in my life), but I never counted on loving him and needing more out of the relationship.
I guess the moral of the story is that the "poly thing" can really suck for the monogamous "other" person. Maybe it’s meant for wife/husband swappers, where it can so much more easily just be about fun and sex because each person has their real relationship to return to. As the third wheel, monogamous "other" person, I’m faced with the excruciating decision of either leaving the relationship because I love him too much, or somehow numbing my feelings so that it can go back to just being about fun.
Sigh.