BoringGuy
Banned
Oh dear......
Double dear with whipped cream and a cherry. Maraschino cherry, to be exact. Because those who assume... You know. Etc.
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Oh dear......
Must be really tough, walking around incomplete.We are just looking for the one to complete us . . .
Oh dear......
I know a couple successful triads the key to their success seems to be that one member of the couple dates the individual first. They form a successful relationship then the other member of the couple is SLOWLY brought in and then forms their own seperate relationship with the individual. Dating as a couple works as well as playing the lottery for a retirement plan.
Why do you feel the need to share a person. Why not share the experience of each of you exploring relationship with separate individuals.
Probably the thing to keep in mind here is that the more specific it is what you're seeking, the longer it's likely to take to find the right person that fits the plan. You have to decide what trade-off is best for you as far as how long you're willing to search, and how specific you want the outcome to be. Many people just fall into a poly situation, not having a plan for structure at all ahead of time.
Re: coming out to your family ... I don't know of any special way of doing that to stave off negative reactions. It's really not up to you to convince people to react positively (or even reasonably), it's up to them. The best you can do is explain the situation to family members using respectful language, and being prepared within reason to answer any questions they may have. Sometimes people just have to freak out about it for awhile, and then very slowly they might get used to it.
Sorry that's the best I can offer in that area.
Otherwise, you should just continue to read and study and post any additional questions. You need to be flexible with whoever you meet, but I think you know that.
Good luck.
Regards,
Kevin T.
I know a couple successful triads the key to their success seems to be that one member of the couple dates the individual first. They form a successful relationship then the other member of the couple is SLOWLY brought in and then forms their own seperate relationship with the individual. Dating as a couple works as well as playing the lottery for a retirement plan.
Why do you feel the need to share a person. Why not share the experience of each of you exploring relationship with separate individuals.
I recommend this
Drop the "we-speak", get used to saying "I", "me", "you", "both of us", etc. Stop thinking of you two as one unit. Make separate profiles on forums (on this forum you are not supposed to share a profile) and dating sites.
Get into the mindset that you are two separate people. Get comfortable with not being all up in each other's business day in day out.
I think that married people who spend all their time together and feel like they should date "as a couple" because they are joined at the hip and have no separate interests or relationships are not ready/suited for nonmonogamy.
Also, if you go around meeting women and constantly thinking, "Are you in a relationship? Are you bi? Are you attracted to my wife? Are you interested in being in a triad? What does your family think of marriage? What color is your toothbrush? Do you enjoy caring for children and walking dogs?" then you are going to put out one hell of a creepy vibe.
I do not understand this whole "Yay we're poly now! Let's go find someone to be in a poly relationship with! It's our lifestyle! Yippee!" mentality. I'm one of those, "Here's A, here's B. I don't have to pick one and leave the other" people. Like, when you're in a relationship already and you happen to meet someone you'd date "if I was single"... You don't need the "if i was single" in order to do that. But not, "we want a relationship with a bisexual female. How do we get one of those?"
lili said:-A triad I knew just up and started bringing their third to family functions and acted like it was normal. They didn't come out though. Shrug.