Hey folks,
I'm extremely new to the forum (only been on long enough for light to leave the galaxy ), but that may be beside the point. You folks seem like a nice bunch, and I was really hoping for some advice, experience, or anything you'd be willing to give.
My girlfriend and I have been dating exclusively for just over a year and a half now and, despite the fact that external sources have made the last year an exceptionally rocky one, neither of us have ever been happier in a relationship. In fact, until recently, it was our solid plan to move into what may actually be considered a home this fall, and perhaps be engaged come winter.
It's the words "until recently" that seem to be the issue, however. My gf has spoken about past relationships which were polyamorous, but until recently, they were invariably framed in a "now that I've grown out of it" sort of way. Now, in the last four or five weeks, gf has begun to reconnect with an old friend of hers (couldn't support that more). However, she also brought up that they had feelings for each other and wanted a three-member polyamorous relationship.
Initially, a stark sense of jealousy and betrayal were the dominating emotions I felt. I began to notice that gf would spend significantly more time with the other man. Things in this regard have gotten better after discussing the issue, but this seems to have only revealed the real problem: I am fundamentally mono and she is equally fundamentally poly. She is of the mindset that more people in love brings more happiness, while I am of the mindset that romantic closeness brings a sense of loyalty, devotion and closeness between two people that I couldn't imagine giving or sharing with another individual.
I suppose in conclusion, despite the fact that gf and I are still very much in love, we are on the verge of splitting up; no matter how hard I try, the thought of her with another man breaks my heart. Similarly, no matter hard she tries, the thought of constraining herself to one parter produces the same effect.
I apologize for the novel I've written. Any advice or experience anyone could share would be greatly appreciated. I just want to save our relationship.
Thanks,
Nezumi
I'm extremely new to the forum (only been on long enough for light to leave the galaxy ), but that may be beside the point. You folks seem like a nice bunch, and I was really hoping for some advice, experience, or anything you'd be willing to give.
My girlfriend and I have been dating exclusively for just over a year and a half now and, despite the fact that external sources have made the last year an exceptionally rocky one, neither of us have ever been happier in a relationship. In fact, until recently, it was our solid plan to move into what may actually be considered a home this fall, and perhaps be engaged come winter.
It's the words "until recently" that seem to be the issue, however. My gf has spoken about past relationships which were polyamorous, but until recently, they were invariably framed in a "now that I've grown out of it" sort of way. Now, in the last four or five weeks, gf has begun to reconnect with an old friend of hers (couldn't support that more). However, she also brought up that they had feelings for each other and wanted a three-member polyamorous relationship.
Initially, a stark sense of jealousy and betrayal were the dominating emotions I felt. I began to notice that gf would spend significantly more time with the other man. Things in this regard have gotten better after discussing the issue, but this seems to have only revealed the real problem: I am fundamentally mono and she is equally fundamentally poly. She is of the mindset that more people in love brings more happiness, while I am of the mindset that romantic closeness brings a sense of loyalty, devotion and closeness between two people that I couldn't imagine giving or sharing with another individual.
I suppose in conclusion, despite the fact that gf and I are still very much in love, we are on the verge of splitting up; no matter how hard I try, the thought of her with another man breaks my heart. Similarly, no matter hard she tries, the thought of constraining herself to one parter produces the same effect.
I apologize for the novel I've written. Any advice or experience anyone could share would be greatly appreciated. I just want to save our relationship.
Thanks,
Nezumi