understanding101
New member
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hi
hi
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So you just deleted the entire post????
12 hours: Some do, some don't.
Hopefully it was resolved satisfactorily.
yeah, sorry. I got paranoid. I've been accused of being judgmental by said family member and I don't want to come across that way at all.
I really am at a loss of how to handle this situation, other than distancing myself from them. One person of the couple continues to tell my spouse and I details of his/her affairs, details of their arrangements, details of the arrangements our mutual acquaintances who also are open etc. All of which we find to be totally unnecessary, particularly because we aren't apart of that world. I find it offensive and off putting.
It's just so difficult to watch your family member and their spouse engage in emotional and sexual affairs, even though consensual. Not to mention be apart of their "lie" to other family members who aren't aware of their arrangement.
If you're more comfortable talking with someone in private, we have a PM system you are free to utilize that has a much shorter memory than the forum. I'd be happy to talk and I cant speak for anyone else but I'm sure there are others who would be as well.yeah, sorry. I got paranoid. I've been accused of being judgmental by said family member and I don't want to come across that way at all.
I really am at a loss of how to handle this situation, other than distancing myself from them. One person of the couple continues to tell my spouse and I details of his/her affairs, details of their arrangements, details of the arrangements our mutual acquaintances who also are open etc. All of which we find to be totally unnecessary, particularly because we aren't apart of that world. I find it offensive and off putting.
It's just so difficult to watch your family member and their spouse engage in emotional and sexual affairs, even though consensual. Not to mention be apart of their "lie" to other family members who aren't aware of their arrangement.
I don't think you need to be poly or open yourself to be aware and accepting of others being poly or open. If they aren't trying to convince you that they're "right" (which could be happening, and MAN I hate that!) then I would turn the question around to, "Why wouldn't you want to know who your family member is dating?" Do you not want to know if it's a single family member as well? If so, then you'd at least have a consistent basis (imo) for asking for no info.particularly because we aren't apart of that world.
I agree that you probably want to look at WHY this is offensive and off-putting to you. If you really truly aren't judging them (since you say you don't want to be judgmental) then why does it even matter to you what they're doing in their personal lives?I find it offensive and off putting.
Okay, making you be part of their lie when you aren't comfortable doing so isn't cool. But why is it difficult to watch? What are you afraid will happen? I know my mom fears my kids being hurt. But as I've told her, the odds that my husband or I would fall for someone else while in a closed relationship are not that much smaller than while in an open relationship. Ultimately, if our relationship is solid, it will continue, regardless of what other connections we make. And by being able to satisfy our curiosity and explore other connections, we reestablish day in and day out that we are with each other because we WANT to be, not because it's better than being alone.It's just so difficult to watch your family member and their spouse engage in emotional and sexual affairs, even though consensual. Not to mention be apart of their "lie" to other family members who aren't aware of their arrangement.
It's just so difficult to watch your family member and their spouse engage in emotional and sexual affairs, even though consensual. Not to mention be apart of their "lie" to other family members who aren't aware of their arrangement.
Talk to the people you're having difficulty with, that's a start. It may be that you are the only people they feel comfortable talking about that part of their lives with. Its very hard to have to hide parts of your life, especially parts as important as who you share it with, from other people and especially from your own family.yeah, sorry. I got paranoid. I've been accused of being judgmental by said family member and I don't want to come across that way at all.
I really am at a loss of how to handle this situation, other than distancing myself from them. One person of the couple continues to tell my spouse and I details of his/her affairs, details of their arrangements, details of the arrangements our mutual acquaintances who also are open etc. All of which we find to be totally unnecessary, particularly because we aren't apart of that world. I find it offensive and off putting.
Not trying to bust your chops, but that's a little.... judgmental. You're holding them to the same standard that you have when they're not playing on the same field. Your thoughts and opinions are your own and that should be respected but if your thoughts are translating into actions, especially thoughts like that, expect people to get a little upset.It's just so difficult to watch your family member and their spouse engage in emotional and sexual affairs, even though consensual. Not to mention be apart of their "lie" to other family members who aren't aware of their arrangement.
I have experienced similar reactions Boring.
But-as an interesting aside,
3 of my siblings are actively non-monogamous and one would be if he wife weren't adamantly against it (while she continues having affairs that we all know about)...
Makes one wonder about the whole family thing.
We aren't biological and none of the parents are non-monogamous. But, there's some similarity there.