Couple-hunting in Unicornia

I came by to get some of my stuff tonight and find Vanilla completely incoherent after popping too many painkillers. Yay. So I'm not moving out it seems.
You can be there for her AND be there for yourself. Don't let her manipulate you with her self-destructive drama. Get her the help she needs by calling an ambulance or taking her to an emergency room, whatever, AND then move out. You aren't doing her any favors by staying. Save yourself, too.
 
I normally wouldn't say this, but you two need to stop; take a step back from ALL other relationships - I know this will be hard on Vanilla since she is looking for something BDSM wise that you cannot provide - but you are both suffering greatly. If Vanilla were a man, everyone would be advising him to take a step back to comfort his wife after her miscarriage, that all of his partners would understand, if they truly love him. So I will say that and more; it was totally disrespectful for Chip to laugh at your fight, to be so disrespectful in your house, and since Vanilla considers him Dominant, it is your job to make sure that people who come into your house understand that kind of behavior is NOT to be tolerated. You were being petty by having sex with Cookie - who you just said a few posts back - you kicked to the curb. Why are you letting him back into your life in that way? It seems to me that issues surrounding him were the cause of many of your fights with Vanilla in the first place.

Please, take care of yourself and Vanilla before something more serious than taking too many pain pills occurs.
 
I got quite pissed off for the constant feeling of "I wish they knew how I feel about that" and "that's definately NOT how I see things", so BU said it would be okay for me to join the discussion!

I am not suicidal or self-destructive. When BU said she was coming to take her stuff for moving to her mom, I just felt I couldn't handle it and felt a great need to get myself somehow numb. I took four painkillers, which is not much, but got my head a bit messed up. Whatever happens, I do not plan to take more. But even the idea of her moving away hurts more than knives in my lungs. I feel like she's giving up with the situation and just running away instead of trying to fix things, while I would do anything to make things better. Of course if she really decides to leave, I don't feel like I'd have the right to stop her.

Chip respects our relationship and doesn't want anyone to get hurt or come between me and BU. BU just doesn't know him at all and so she misunderstands him. He didn't shout, he just speaks with a loud voice all the time. I really have to turn my phone's volume down when I speak with him. :D He really approves equality, and just talked about how he can't understand how some feminists hate men - even I don't concider hate as equality. I think BU was already so upset she saw everything he said as bad, bad, bad. Chip is worried about our situation and is frequently asking me if BU is okay and how could we make her feel better or at least not worse.

I've tried to tell BU that if she needs, I'll quit seeing Chip and take time for just the two of us or anything to make her feel better, but she doesn't want me to. She's said that she would then just be afraid of every single person I talk with and also feel too bad about limiting me. I'm quite insecure and confused about the situation and don't know would it still be better for me to stop seeing him whatever she says, but I just don't know what the hell should I do. She insists that I should continue seeing him and I really wish I could, but also I would gladly remove a limb of mine if she needed me to. I just don't know what would be the best thing to do, and I feel like she doesn't know either.

So, as BU asked, we have now agreed that I will not talk about Chip to her, not even mention his name, I will not answer his calls or text messages while I'm with her, I will not ask him here, I'll meet him just when BU's at work or has something else to do and I'll answer her calls and messages at least shortly while I'm with him. It's difficult to me with all this NRE, but I'll do anything to support her and make her feel better.

And by the way, I, as many other people I know, find it really disrespective to keep chatting on phone or with text messages while being with someone else. If I spend time with someone, I usually keep my phone quiet and focus on the person I'm with and so respect the time he/she has given to be with me, like on Saturday my mom, whom I see less than once a month because of the distance. I do understand different situations and crisis, but if BU texts me constantly whether it is crisis or not, how am I supposed to know, when she really, really needs me to answer, if she doesn't let me know like "hey I'm falling apart and need you right know"? But then I will tell the person I'm with that we're having a crisis and I'll have to focus on that, and could we please meet some better time again when I'm not just wasting anyone's time by being there just partly.

Anyway, just wanted to say that there are two versions of every story and mine is that there's nothing I wouldn't do for the love of my life.

I guess I'll have to think about starting my own blog instead of conquering hers... :eek:
 
Ugh, maybe I should give space to others for comments before I chime in? Anyways, I named her Vanilla in part because I LOVE vanilla ice-cream. Like seriously, best ice-cream there is. And the only perfume I've ever been able to use was a vanilla perfume.

For now we've agreed to keep Chip away from my life for as long as needed, because I tend to fly into murderous rages with the mention of his name. We also have both made appointments with our therapists and I hope to bring Vanilla along to my therapy session on Thu. Also, we've agreed to establish a sleeping schedule, i.e. no relationship talk after 11 pm, and for me to set down some ground rules with Cookie (so he knows what's going on and how he can avoid things getting worse through his actions).

Also, we continue working through relationship self-help books, going to dates for just the two of us outside the house, and paying attention to our sex life (trying to get some action at least three times a week).

Cookie

I feel very torn about him and also somewhat addicted. When I made the WORST DECISION OF THE YEAR and had sex with him in the middle of relationship crisis and Vanilla in the next room, I felt very unloved and undesired. I had just accidentally seen a lengthy porn short-story Vanilla was writing to Chip, and their sex-chat on FB. Did I mention we also agreed that I never, ever use her computer again, even if I have to do something which takes 2 minutes and my computer is buried under paperwork? I don't want to be exposed to their hot crazy lurve, especially when I feel I lack some loving myself.
 
I am glad you came here, too, Vanilla, since it is good to get both of your takes from the situation.

I wonder, do either of you see the ways in which both of you are acting passive-agressive? And the co-dependence you both are contributing to? Does it feel loving to you? What about the constant drama, is that what you really want in life?

It feels to me that both of you have quite an unconstructive approach to any relationship problem. It's always somebody's fault. Sometimes there's a disproportionate amount of blame directed towards oneself. Sometimes towards the partner. Sometimes the fault is seen to be fully in the metamour. It may or may not be deserved, mind you. But it's not the most relevant question. Really, it seems to me that you, together, create quite a co-dependent relationship dynamic. Even without other partners and NRE and stuffs to complicate things, I feel you'd need some work on communication, confidence, self-love, and boundaries.

I actually agree with BrigidsDaughter, while I normally wouldn't say this, I do think it might be best to close things up. To build a really strong, stable foundation for the two of you. I mean, it seems to me that that is the first priority for the two of you? I do thing poly is adding a lot of drama, and it looks like you are moving to more and more unstable ground all the time.

Psychologist, the best idea in a long time.

Moving out, maybe not the worst idea. I do agree with Vanilla that it is sort of running away from the issues. Similarly is the suggestion of becoming (possibly temporarily) monogamous. However, I feel that somehow you need to get to a more calm and stable place, whether together or separately, if you don't wish things to continue as they have been.
 
Co-dependence is def our poison. We don't even know how to fight properly. I mean, prior to Cookie/Chip situation, our disagreements went like this: "I feel bad when you do x". "OMG, you are so right, I'm a horrible person for doing x". Lots of crying and embracing ensues 0_o.

Atm I'm fine with a strict DADT policy. My fantasy wishful thinking scenario would be for Vanilla to run away with Chip and have as much fun and romance as she wants, and them maybe come autumn she would be over her NRE enough to start paying attention to me again in a way I would notice and appreciate. I don't want to now tell her to ditch Chip and then have this thrown to my face 20 years from now and having to hear then that I broke her up with the (second) love of her life.

And were I to be freed of Chip, I would have to let Cookie go too, and I have a severe case of "sad-puppy-must-save" whenever I think of him :(.
 
But even the idea of her moving away hurts more than knives in my lungs. I feel like she's giving up with the situation and just running away instead of trying to fix things, while I would do anything to make things better.
I am going to be very blunt.

Vanilla -- to me, it looks like BU leaving would fix things. You two seem pretty toxic to each other. I recall the posts BU used to write. She was an impressively insightful, vivacious young woman who was full of life and ready to meet it head-on. Since you and she got together, she has doubted herself, felt like a super fucked up person, and let people walk all over her, including you. She has put herself in bad situations with people who treat her like crap. Her self-esteem has spiraled downward. Something stinks here. I think a separation would help. Sometimes people can love each other but still be no good for each other. It seems that you both need to do some growing up, while taking time apart. That's how I see it.
 
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I think peculiarities of internet blogging are at least in partly responsible for my changed public image :eek:. When I started out, I was single, unemployed and very sporadically educated. I had a lot of time to comment on every post out there at length.

Nowadays I'm a super-busy worker bee and also trying to wrap up school. When I log on, it's usually just to bitch and moan about my current relationship status, at times when thinking about home life is interfering with work so much that I need to get it out of my system that I deem it more productive in the long term to spend 10 mins of working day posting instead of not posting and spending 8 hrs well, bitching and moaning inwardly.

So when things are unicorns and rainbows and rose petals raining down, I don't post. Which they 90 % of the time are.
 
Co-dependence is def our poison. We don't even know how to fight properly. I mean, prior to Cookie/Chip situation, our disagreements went like this: "I feel bad when you do x". "OMG, you are so right, I'm a horrible person for doing x". Lots of crying and embracing ensues 0_o.

The first statement seems like the perfect non-accusatory communication. The second is where the problem comes in. Falling into a self-hate spiral any time partner brings something up is just unhealthy for all involved. And it is not taking responsibility of your actions, nor is it having good boundaries. Since if partner says "I feel bad when you do x" there are multiple alternatives.

A, you may not be doing anything wrong (you need boundaries to evaluate that). If you feel like that is the case you need to say that. If your partner agrees, they have options of either agreeing to work on their own shit (e.g. overreacting) or to ask you to not do x for the time being. Note, being passive-aggressive and trying to guilt you into not doing x anymore isn't in the healthy options of action.

B, if you are doing something wrong (such as breaking an agreement) you need to apologise and then either start working on your shit (i.e. not do x anymore) or negotiate whether doing x might be acceptable behaviour. Note that self-hate is not the appropriate reaction here either. Not only is it extremely unproductive, it also sends the signal "do not ever bring up anything I do that makes you feel bad, unless you want to spend endless time and energy to make me feel better about myself when in actuality I should be the one supporting you since I did something to hurt you". Not facilitating good communication.

Neither is it good to fight and treat each other as adversaries (like, say, having revenge sex, seriously?). Obviously fights/conflicts sometimes happen, but you should act lovingly even when disagreeing. It doesn't seem this is happening, rather it seems that the response to feeling hurt is to hurt back. You might want to spend time thinking about what it is that triggers that kind of an extreme defense mechanism. Somebody trying to guilt trip you (or you perceiving somebody doing that whether they are or not)?

Lastly, I'd like to say something about the lack of partner-selection-skills you both seem to have going. While you have co-dependence going with each other due to lack of boundaries, that is not as worrying as the men in your lives. They do sound like total assholes, and it is telling of worrying things that you will put up with that. It certainly won't help to build self-esteem.
 
We just got off from a meeting with a crisis centre support worker. That was really beneficial, since we hadn't seen anyone as a couple yet. I was really surprised that Vanilla resents me blowing up her phone daily with 2481204 text messages, especially when she is with someone else. Since I'm a supertexter and have been since the start of our relationship, it had never occurred to me it that bothered her, because I somehow figured she would say something if it did :confused:. Also, it was news to me that my rapidly cycling mood swings and impulsivity frighten her.

We agreed to not do anything drastic before Vanilla has her appointment on Wed with her therapist, where they will talk about the possibility of admission to a day hospital. It would be really good at this point, because there she must eat every day and she can't passively self-harm through fasting or some other method. Also, I will take her painkillers away for safekeeping. Our home is still full of liquids for consumption, but they sell that stuff at the corner pub, so really no prevention possible there.

We are welcome to stop by at the crisis centre again after our respective appointments, and I think it's good until we can secure a couple's therapist via the Student Health Society, which is easier on the wallet than a private counsellour.
 
Poly is just like having cats

Well, not for everyone. Personally, I greatly dislike cats. I don't go all ooey-gooey when I see a picture of a kitten in a magazine. I don't want to cuddle other people's cats. I don't want to have cats. Yet, we have two cats, and I was actively involved in the process of procuring cat number 2. Why?

Frankly, it was a choice of either a) working through my hatred of cats in order to be with the woman I love or b) deciding irrational hatred towards those furry critters was not worth losing the woman I love (who also LURVES her cats).

Don't get me wrong: our cats have been the source of acute misery in my life. They have harmed me in very tangible, concrete ways. Vanilla will never understand why I don't like them and why I think they stand in the way of me living my life to the fullest. Whenever my hatred of cats has flared after some cat-related wrong that has been inflected on me, I have asked for more compromises and reassurances to let me know that I am valued too, and my desire to live a life independent of those puffy rodents is respected to a reasonable degree.

When I requested for a study where I can store my stuff free of feline influence and sequester myself whenever I feel like I can take NO MORE CATS, I was given one. I haven't needed that space all that much. Whenever cats do maddening thing x, I go through the following mental steps: (1) I do have rights when it comes to cats. People should go first. If a cat is bothering my meal, it needs to go the bathroom and wait until the meal is over. (2) They are first and foremost Vanilla's cats. When cats break/make a mess of/complicate things, it's Vanilla's job to take care of it. I can do certain things for the cats, but I am not doing them because they are my responsibility, but out of kindness towards my spouse. (3) When cats occasionally manage to make a mess of my stuff, I remind myself that I have chosen this, fully aware that cats occasionally infuriate me. They are not be blamed for eating a very enticing piece of paper that I have left out in the open, nevermind how important that slip of paper subjectively was to me. So it's not alright to be angry at the cats but to change my own behaviour to fit the new situation.

I have trouble asking for the space I need away from Chip. I think I've gotten most of the things I need: no texting/talking with Chip when I am together with Vanilla, no Chip in my immediate vicinity, no need to interact with Chip. I also requested for Vanilla not to be so badly beaten up after every time she sees Chip that it interferes with our cuddling. Vanilla thinks I have a way too negative preconceived image of Chip and that I am not giving him a chance, but I don't really want to. He's Vanilla's cat - let her deal with him.
 
But when you're in a good mood, you DO cuddle our cats and sometimes even seem to enjoy it. That gives me some kind of hope :D

It doesn't bother me if you text me 4664838785 times per day, I just hadn't realized it bothers you if I don't always answer.

Rory, I don't think it's unhealthy self-hate, but more like "I didn't realize my behaviour hurts you and I feel sorry for that." I think BU's "our disagreements went like this: "I feel bad when you do x". "OMG, you are so right, I'm a horrible person for doing x". Lots of crying and embracing ensues 0_o." was really overestimated example, or at least that's not how I feel our disagreements usually are. But I think it's normal to feel bad when you realize you've hurt someone you love. This is where people mostly seem to disagree with me; I find it okay to apologise even when I have done something wrong accidentally or without knowing it's not right. Like, I do apologise if I accidentally drop my friend's glass and break it or something like that. People mostly seem to think you can apologise only something you have done consciously, and I just find it weird.

I find it confusing how many of you seem to have really clear opinions about how things are and what would be the best thing for us to do, like, you two really need to move away from each other and you absolutely have to stop seeing other people and I am definately bad to BU in every possible way and so on. I mean, good advice is always welcome, but how could anyone else know for sure, what's best for us? My friends whom I know irl and most of them know BU too, are amazingly supportive and telling us there's nothing we couldn't fix, but have you concidered about doing this or could it be good for you to do that? (except Rory, I really appreciate your way of expressing your opinions and suggestions in this way, thank you! It makes me feel sooooo much easier to think about stuff instead of just going furious. :p)

I'm sorry, I just become really defensive when anyone tries to tell me straigtly what to do and you HAVE to do like this and that and act like someone could know better for sure. But, of course I can be wrong too. Anyway, I really find it the worst idea ever for BU to move away, 'cause I'm absolutely sure we can fix things easier ways and too radical reactions would just make things worse. Ans BU's mom really, really hates me for unknown reasons and is ashamed of her daughter living with another woman, so if BU now moves there feeling confused and messed up, I'm pretty sure her mom would try her best to manipulate against us, which she tries to do even when things are okay. I can't see that being anyhow helpful with our situation.
 
But when you're in a good mood, you DO cuddle our cats and sometimes even seem to enjoy it. That gives me some kind of hope :D

It doesn't bother me if you text me 4664838785 times per day, I just hadn't realized it bothers you if I don't always answer.

Rory, I don't think it's unhealthy self-hate, but more like "I didn't realize my behaviour hurts you and I feel sorry for that." I think BU's "our disagreements went like this: "I feel bad when you do x". "OMG, you are so right, I'm a horrible person for doing x". Lots of crying and embracing ensues 0_o." was really overestimated example, or at least that's not how I feel our disagreements usually are. But I think it's normal to feel bad when you realize you've hurt someone you love. This is where people mostly seem to disagree with me; I find it okay to apologise even when I have done something wrong accidentally or without knowing it's not right. Like, I do apologise if I accidentally drop my friend's glass and break it or something like that. People mostly seem to think you can apologise only something you have done consciously, and I just find it weird.

I find it confusing how many of you seem to have really clear opinions about how things are and what would be the best thing for us to do, like, you two really need to move away from each other and you absolutely have to stop seeing other people and I am definately bad to BU in every possible way and so on. I mean, good advice is always welcome, but how could anyone else know for sure, what's best for us? My friends whom I know irl and most of them know BU too, are amazingly supportive and telling us there's nothing we couldn't fix, but have you concidered about doing this or could it be good for you to do that? (except Rory, I really appreciate your way of expressing your opinions and suggestions in this way, thank you! It makes me feel sooooo much easier to think about stuff instead of just going furious. :p)

I'm sorry, I just become really defensive when anyone tries to tell me straigtly what to do and you HAVE to do like this and that and act like someone could know better for sure. But, of course I can be wrong too. Anyway, I really find it the worst idea ever for BU to move away, 'cause I'm absolutely sure we can fix things easier ways and too radical reactions would just make things worse. Ans BU's mom really, really hates me for unknown reasons and is ashamed of her daughter living with another woman, so if BU now moves there feeling confused and messed up, I'm pretty sure her mom would try her best to manipulate against us, which she tries to do even when things are okay. I can't see that being anyhow helpful with our situation.

I'm sorry if you felt attacked by what I said. When Runic Wolf and I were just barely out of noob status in open relationships and fairly new to BDSM as well he "rescued" a friend from her "emotionally abusive" family. Initially, we both thought she might be interested in a threesome, but I was quickly shut down and took it in stride. I never really trusted her or felt comfortable with her. She told me that when they'd met, she didn't notice he was married and was looking for an older boyfriend (we were 24/25 and she was 18 or 19). She claimed to be interested in being his 24/7 sub, wanted to wear a dog collar and to be called Little Bitch, seemed to live to cook and clean for him while I worked 60 hours a week and went to school part time. It was very alluring for him - especially considering that at that point in my life, I wasn't even willing to try to be submissive for him. Her attitude towards me, her communication, and many other things were toxic to our marriage. Though he was too blinded by NRE to see it. She convinced him of many things about me that weren't true - including that he wasn't really bi-polar and didn't need to take his meds. The last straw for me happened when our 4 year old drew a family picture at pre-school and I wasn't in it, but she was. I ended up having the night off from class unexpectedly and was at his mother's when he arrived, with her in tow, to pick up our son. They'd planned on taking him to the carnival and she didn't want me to come. We ended up going home, fighting, me telling him I couldn't take her being in our lives any more while she sat out on our balcony listening to every word. He took her home and I told him until he went back on his meds, I couldn't trust him to stay in our house. He moved in with his mother for 5 weeks while we talked through it, attempted counseling. He came over every night to tuck our son into bed and we'd talk, I'd tell him how much I needed him, loved him, and couldn't live without him. I cried myself to sleep when he left and eventually he realized what he really wanted/ needed and came home. That was 7 years ago and we're stronger for it, but damn was it hard.

We didn't go back to being monogamous (we never really were after we were married), but we chose our partners more carefully after that. I'm not saying that you two need to separate, but I do think that what you have been doing isn't working. Something needs to change and you both need to figure out what that is together and commit to sticking to it.
 
We only know what BU and now you tell us. Take what we say, use what is helpful and ignore the rest. No one here expects you to do anything we say. We hope you think about our points, even the harshly worded ones. But really we are electrons on a screen. Use or not as you see fit.

That said, for the people who post regularly, we've been following your story for a while - of course just from BU's point of view. We've heard about your struggles, your happiness and good times. So basically we care. We want you and BU to succeed and be happy (although not at the cost of either your sanity or health). BU sent me a lovely message when my marriage failed. She's become an online acquaintance, and by extension, I feel like I know you a bit too. (Have you read her words about you in her blog? Might be good for perspective.) So we give a damn and see some frightening things going on. So we might respond more strongly than is necessary. That said, you have every right to tell us off, say we got it wrong and give your side. I hope you continue doing so.
 
Here's what I'm getting from what's been posted so far:

BU is aware of issues that have arisen, and acutely so, to the point of wanting to move home to her disapproving mother.
Vanilla is somewhat aware but is insistent on glazing things over and pressing on.

That's what I'm reading tbh. I feel like there's so much "Yeah, it sounds pretty bad, but it's not reeeeeeally that bad" going on, and I don't know who that's going to help. And honestly with these other immature, self-serving partners when are y'all going to have time to work on YOUR relationship? Especially considering that the shitty things that have happened amuses them.
 
Happy happy joy joy

I had the greatest day yesterday. I presented my work at a conference and got enthusiastic feedback. Work was great, as usual, and I had a happy relaxing evening at the place I'm volunteering at. I didn't realize how important this feeling of confidence in my work and not-being-trapped-at-home feeling is for my wellbeing.

So I came home, happy and relaxed, and texted Vanilla that it's okay if Chip stays the night, or that at least I would like to try communicating with him on a non-hostile basis. The evening went great! We watched Supernatural and the world was saved again (gosh I love that show) and went to bed. I slept on the couch with my ear plugs, since despite her protests I knew Vanilla and Chip would like to get up to something behind the bedroom door. This had the unintended consequence of me sleeping blissfully through the alarm and just barely getting up early enough for my therapy.

In therapy we talked through how important individuation would be for me, complete with finding people who share my passions and interests. The therapist thinks I fall too easily into the helper role in my interpersonal relationships. She suspects it's due to having grown up surrounded by adults with acute, untreated mental health problems. I honestly can't come up with a single positive close relationship with a healthy adult when I think of my childhood. It was good to hear that it might not be all me being too sensitive and challenging and controlling but rather me being necessarily healthy but having to deal with too many people with too much undeclared baggage at the crucial moments when I was learning how to be with other people, what I can reasonably expect from others etc. :eek:.

The funny thing is, when I am at happiest with myself, I feel the most that my relationship with Cookie is a dead-end, and trying to save everybody from themselves isn't healthy. I don't how to break it to him that I honestly deserve better :confused:.

Vanilla has, come the new relationship with Chip, come to realize that her earlier d/s relationship with Goblin wasn't a healthy dynamic at all but for 90 % just sheer emotional abuse. She experiences the time as quite traumatic nowadays. Goblin holds on to weird stalking behaviours even now - he spent considerable amount of time and detective work on finding out who Chip is IRL. I think he just gets off on this control fantasy - he insists that Vanilla can never meet anyone that he doesn't already know and have an opinion of.

After work today I'm going to head home to do some connection exercises with Vanilla and hopefully have hawt and not-too-tired sex. I've decided to commit to my own physical health, too - if I can't make it to a krav maga class, I'll do yoga instead.
 
The Lord is indeed good. Cookie has found the woman of his dreams, and it ain't me! He cancelled our overnight date tonight to be with this dream broad, and I'm so happy I'm well-nigh bursting. Go happy couple go! I hope he never texts me again.

Vanilla just left for the kink party we we're supposed to go together, but where she'll be going with Chip intstead. She was super-grumpy for all her stuff having mysteriously gone missing and being so very late. I tried to sleep through most of grump. So it just so happens I have the flat to myself, no one to look after expect myself (do have to feed the cats at some point though, poor single cat mother me) and tons of creative crap to do. Yee-haw!

I've talked it over and over again with the psychologist, mum, Vanilla, Flattie, you lot on how I want to find people who share my passions and zest for life and with whom I can feel equal sharing friendship and possible partnership with. I think I'm working there, slowly but surely. Life is good.
 
I hope he never texts me again.

...I want to find people who share my passions and zest for life and with whom I can feel equal sharing friendship and possible partnership with.
You do have a say in all of that, you know. You can tell him never to contact you again, and maybe you can even block him from doing so (depending on your service). And you can start building your self-esteem so you make better choices about the people you spend time with. Why hope for other people to make the decisions? Take a stance, honey!
 
I did it! Sorta. But it was exciting. Just texting "I hope you are okay with us only seeing each other as friends from now on". Standing up for myself is exciting!

I have a minor issue with poly non-judgement atm. A girl I know has recently moved in with a MFM triad/vee as the newest addition to the bunch. She has dated the other man in the equation since the beginning of this year, and moved in almost immediately. All are bi and most are outside working life. I can't see a way this will not blow up in everyone's faces and magnificiently so. Am I being too narrow-minded? Am I generalizing from my own experience too much?
 
A girl I know has recently moved in with a MFM triad/vee as the newest addition to the bunch. She has dated the other man in the equation since the beginning of this year, and moved in almost immediately. All are bi and most are outside working life. I can't see a way this will not blow up in everyone's faces and magnificiently so. Am I being too narrow-minded? Am I generalizing from my own experience too much?

Not nearly enough info to know the likelihood of stuff "blowing-up" - so much (everything?) depends on the people involved. Dude moved in with us from essentially day one (maybe before). Made it through the first year okay and all relationships are growing stronger...you never know :p

JaneQ
 
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