PurpleOrchid
New member
I've been actively poly for around 5 years now, and for the most part I've been happy with it. I currently have two boyfriends. Boyfriend #1 is the one I've been with for quite a while. We had a lot of ups and downs and we got through them together. He has other people he's dating and I'm pretty close to them and happy (for the most part) that he's with them. We share a home, finances, and my family knows about him. He's been the center of my poly world this whole time, and though I dated a handful of women over the years, until recently he was the only man I was with.
Boyfriend #2 is fairly recent. We never fight, he's very supportive of me being poly, and he makes me super happy. I do realize I'm probably experiencing some NRE, but honestly we have just hit it off so well and completely that I foresee it continuing for quite some time. The way we click is very effortless. That's so rare for me. Relationships are usually about hard work and compromise and I'm ok with that. But not with BF#2. I can just concentrate on how awesome things are because of that. We've hit a few bumps, but we just communicate so effectively that those bumps aren't a struggle, they make us feel even closer to each other.
So I'm happy for the most part. But I'm experiencing an internal problem.
About 6 months before I met Boyfriend #2, I had resigned myself to things being the way they are with Boyfriend #1. I love him very much, but there are things that are missing from our relationship and sex life that are pretty vital to me being really and truly happy. I'd be happy without having these some of the time, but over the course of our relationship I've constantly had to remind him that I need these things. He'll do them for awhile, and then eventually trickle off and just stop. These are things that to me aren't enjoyable if I have to ask for them constantly. Plus there's been so many fights about these things when he got upset and thought I was criticising him that I can't make myself ask anymore. I just feel like I'm nagging him for the things I need.. and that makes me even more unhappy than not getting them.
So I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that my relationship with Boyfriend #1 was going to be the way it was. We were happy overall. We love each other. We spend time together doing things we both love when we can. We support each other emotionally. Physically I wasn't getting as much as I needed from him, but I got so much emotionally that I had decided I was ok with the physical lack. I decided not to stress or push anymore and be happy with things the way they were.
Then I met BF#2. Things have been explosive between us from the beginning. He not only satisfies me physically, he goes overboard into exhausting me to the point that I have to not see him for a few days to recover. And that's amazing.. Not a bad thing at all. We have so much fun together too. We love the same things. We laugh and cuddle and watch shows and are really good for each other. I'm happy all the time thinking about him. His friends all comment on how good this is for him. And it's wonderful.
So my issue is that last night, BF#1 wanted sex and I went through with it, he tried to do some of the things I've asked for. But they were so.. Half hearted and short lived that it wasn't doing much for me. I just tried to ignore it and let any thoughts but being with him go from my mind, but I couldn't. The physical was so not satisfying that my brain wouldn't shut off. I didn't want to have sex with him. I didn't feel happy about having sex with him. And it made me want to cry that I feel this way about a man who has loved me and been there for me for so long.
And the kicker is, at the end.. Even though I tried not to.. I thought about BF#2. About all the wonderful things we did this weekend and how happy he makes me. And I got super turned on. That's just.. Wrong in my mind. I know BF#1 would be devastated if he knew. And it kind of hurt my heart too. It made me feel like I was mentally cheating on them both
I'm just kind of lost. I usually am so good at resolving stuff, but I feel so stuck in not knowing what to do. I love BF#1. But I don't know how I can make myself ask him one more time to do the things with me that I need, knowing it's never lasted and fearing it won't again. I don't want to compare the two of them. I don't want to pretty much have to force myself to have sex with BF#1. I love him.. Our relationship is built on time and shared experiences and memories and working through all our issues. I want to make it work, but I don't know anymore how to make that happen.
Any advice would be so appreciated.
Boyfriend #2 is fairly recent. We never fight, he's very supportive of me being poly, and he makes me super happy. I do realize I'm probably experiencing some NRE, but honestly we have just hit it off so well and completely that I foresee it continuing for quite some time. The way we click is very effortless. That's so rare for me. Relationships are usually about hard work and compromise and I'm ok with that. But not with BF#2. I can just concentrate on how awesome things are because of that. We've hit a few bumps, but we just communicate so effectively that those bumps aren't a struggle, they make us feel even closer to each other.
So I'm happy for the most part. But I'm experiencing an internal problem.
About 6 months before I met Boyfriend #2, I had resigned myself to things being the way they are with Boyfriend #1. I love him very much, but there are things that are missing from our relationship and sex life that are pretty vital to me being really and truly happy. I'd be happy without having these some of the time, but over the course of our relationship I've constantly had to remind him that I need these things. He'll do them for awhile, and then eventually trickle off and just stop. These are things that to me aren't enjoyable if I have to ask for them constantly. Plus there's been so many fights about these things when he got upset and thought I was criticising him that I can't make myself ask anymore. I just feel like I'm nagging him for the things I need.. and that makes me even more unhappy than not getting them.
So I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that my relationship with Boyfriend #1 was going to be the way it was. We were happy overall. We love each other. We spend time together doing things we both love when we can. We support each other emotionally. Physically I wasn't getting as much as I needed from him, but I got so much emotionally that I had decided I was ok with the physical lack. I decided not to stress or push anymore and be happy with things the way they were.
Then I met BF#2. Things have been explosive between us from the beginning. He not only satisfies me physically, he goes overboard into exhausting me to the point that I have to not see him for a few days to recover. And that's amazing.. Not a bad thing at all. We have so much fun together too. We love the same things. We laugh and cuddle and watch shows and are really good for each other. I'm happy all the time thinking about him. His friends all comment on how good this is for him. And it's wonderful.
So my issue is that last night, BF#1 wanted sex and I went through with it, he tried to do some of the things I've asked for. But they were so.. Half hearted and short lived that it wasn't doing much for me. I just tried to ignore it and let any thoughts but being with him go from my mind, but I couldn't. The physical was so not satisfying that my brain wouldn't shut off. I didn't want to have sex with him. I didn't feel happy about having sex with him. And it made me want to cry that I feel this way about a man who has loved me and been there for me for so long.
And the kicker is, at the end.. Even though I tried not to.. I thought about BF#2. About all the wonderful things we did this weekend and how happy he makes me. And I got super turned on. That's just.. Wrong in my mind. I know BF#1 would be devastated if he knew. And it kind of hurt my heart too. It made me feel like I was mentally cheating on them both
I'm just kind of lost. I usually am so good at resolving stuff, but I feel so stuck in not knowing what to do. I love BF#1. But I don't know how I can make myself ask him one more time to do the things with me that I need, knowing it's never lasted and fearing it won't again. I don't want to compare the two of them. I don't want to pretty much have to force myself to have sex with BF#1. I love him.. Our relationship is built on time and shared experiences and memories and working through all our issues. I want to make it work, but I don't know anymore how to make that happen.
Any advice would be so appreciated.
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