MonoVCPHG
New member
It just so happens that it's usually the third's voice that get's heard the least around here.
I would definitely like to hear Anne's point of view, Ceoli. In her words.
It just so happens that it's usually the third's voice that get's heard the least around here.
This might be a bit of a tangent, but way back when I first joined this board there was a thread from a couple that had a committed triad with a third that didn't work out. It basically amounted to something like "Our third didn't behave the way we wanted her to in the relationship. What went wrong?"
Most of the answers consisted of all sorts of speculation about whether she was honest, really poly, etc. I really had to facepalm all the vilification of her. I'm kind of seeing the same thing here. The only piece of info I can glean from all of this is what Alex said. It seems that there are different goals at play here. But I can't speculate as to Anne's goals because her voice hasn't been at the table.
Now perhaps people will think this is another "think about the third" soapbox post, but rest assured I would have the very same issue if it were a member of the couple what wasn't represented. It just so happens, that it's usually the third's voice that get's heard the least around here.
i would definitely like to hear anne's point of view, ceoli. In her words.
But surely we aren't going to throw away expensive jewelry just because we enhanced the relationship?????
I would definitely like to hear Anne's point of view, Ceoli. In her words.
Yep.
I disagree that we dont hear the "thirds" view alot round here... We recently had Sweetie, GreenGecko and Of course we have Aussielover... All "thirds" making it work in their own ways. And Of Course Mono... The Third who isnt a third.
And I think be "enhancing" the relationship LR meant "extending/opening" the relationship.
If I were a third, I would not want to be considered an enhancement (which is probably why I won't be being a third any time soon), but I understand what you mean. And I don't think it's necessary either. There are always ways to compromise, but compromise can only happen when all members of the relationship are willing to let go of something they're clinging to. But I get the sense that the ring is but one of the issues at play here.
I don't really know how to put it-because the reality is if one relationship already exists-you are enhancing it if you add anything to it....
Not like 'oh I upgraded my tv'.. .
but what is a good term?
I don't really know how to put it-because the reality is if one relationship already exists-you are enhancing it if you add anything to it....
Not like 'oh I upgraded my tv'.. .
but what is a good term?
There have been quite a few more since I joined the boards, but I still feel the absence of many voices when discussions like this come up. Not just this one particularly, but in general.
that would be in addition to their current rings.
Ceoli- I remembering you saying to me once, after you dated that couple, that you would like to have a "V" as I have. I suggest to you that perhaps you are feeling misunderstood because you don't have what you seek yet. It seems to me that the other "thirds" on this forum are largely happy with their position and are quite comfy and feeling loved and needed in their situations. Aussielover seems so and I know Mono seems so... (okay Mono, lets face it, this thing we have is pretty damned close to a triad in terms of what we speak of anyway). Perhaps you need to listen to that in yourself and begin seeking out primary relationships. This man you are getting to know on the west coast cannot offer you this situation. He sounds lovely and you sound excited and perhaps I am reading too much into your investment here, but he is just good while you could be seeking GREAT! Because you are seeking out good, you are maybe wasting the time you should be using to have GREAT!
Further more, .......and I'm so sorry for taking over this thread violet, but I have been thinking hard about you Ceoli and have finally thought what this might all be for you.... I think that perhaps because you have so much hard earned experience and wisdom about being a third, that is largely what you share on here. I would ask if maybe that keeps you in it? You are a strong advocate for the rights of thirds for sure, but perhaps you can let that go a bit and think about what direction you want to go now.
Just to address this point...Honestly after being ASKED to share my point of view on some things, and writing a rather long post about it, and then NO replies, I'm a little discourraged and feel like wtf is the point of me saying anything when I'll just be ignored. Especially one with so much meaning and me exposing my feelings on quite a few things. I'm an introvert by nature and that was a bit difficult for me to do in the first place.
I know for me-I look for all the new threads-but particularly this last week NONE of the threads show up dark (used to be all new ones showed up darker and any that had new posts since I'd viewed them did as well).
So I'm left scrolling around endlessly trying to recall if I've read something or not. Put that together with 2-3 days when ALL the first page and some of the second in a few places were new. Heck-Run out of time then!!