Questioning
New member
So, I'm not perfect (ly sane) today, but I choose to act as if I am. I choose to sing, to play music, to jump around, to pay attention to me, my pets, and friends. I also choose to remain fearless and thorough on the issues of self worth and obsession. I'm worth it.
Thoughts: I will always feel uneasy unless M says we are an item again. I do not like this uneasiness and M can fix it.
Errors: Jumping to conclusions. Extreme thinking. Globalising. Emotional blocking.
Analysis: Always feel uneasy? Not so, I get pangs, but the misery is mostly gone. When I was with M, when we were an official item, I was still uneasy, scared of my past, and fearful about our future. M cannot fix this - it is in my head, her company puts my issues on the backburner sometimes, but it does not help me to help myself. This is my issue, it is about me, not M. It is true I do not like this uneasiness, but it is much better than the sheer torture and misery I was experiencing only a fortnight ago. I am experiencing growing pains - which are positive despite feeling uncomfortable. We are not an item, yet I still have a lover and friend. I actually have the best of both worlds, freedom to live my own life, and a wonderful friend. The future will take care of itself all I have to do is take care of today.
The other day M brough cheeses, crackers, sundried tomatoes, olives, smoked fish, pizza, grape juice and more for me. We had a wonderful time made all the better by the fact I had been looking after myself and felt better about myself. Our friendship will easily stand the test of time, but she may not be the primary partner I seek all the same. There is no way I can predict the outcome of this. I can only work on being a better man who is happy in his own skin. inner peace is VERY attractive, there is no shortage of women in my life when I am stable.
In study group this week one young (26 hehe) woman turned up dressed in lacy and sexy gear and it was not for the benefit of anyone else she beelined to my side and stayed there, she brought me chocolate, we talked about love, and how she was worried about falling in love here as she was returning to Germany shortly. She has invited me out several times. DOH! I could have had a secondary lover but I was too busy being obsessed over the ownership model my parents practised (and fucked up completely). Another young lady of dutch descent turned up and everytime I spoke she laughed I could do nothing wrong her attraction is very high.
Life is as rich and full as I choose to see it and make it. A world of opportunity exists. I will not play the field unless i meet someone i really like, and even then I'd discuss it with M first, as she has first dibs
There is no urgency, there is no desert wasteland awaiting me should things not work out with M. i am more concerned with helping her as a friend to accept and love herself, than I am in 'winning her devotion'. I am a far better man than I have been giving myself credit for, it's time to keep the affirmations and actions in place, to continue to learn to love myself.
Fuck the ego, fuck being a victim, I am not.
Thoughts: I will always feel uneasy unless M says we are an item again. I do not like this uneasiness and M can fix it.
Errors: Jumping to conclusions. Extreme thinking. Globalising. Emotional blocking.
Analysis: Always feel uneasy? Not so, I get pangs, but the misery is mostly gone. When I was with M, when we were an official item, I was still uneasy, scared of my past, and fearful about our future. M cannot fix this - it is in my head, her company puts my issues on the backburner sometimes, but it does not help me to help myself. This is my issue, it is about me, not M. It is true I do not like this uneasiness, but it is much better than the sheer torture and misery I was experiencing only a fortnight ago. I am experiencing growing pains - which are positive despite feeling uncomfortable. We are not an item, yet I still have a lover and friend. I actually have the best of both worlds, freedom to live my own life, and a wonderful friend. The future will take care of itself all I have to do is take care of today.
The other day M brough cheeses, crackers, sundried tomatoes, olives, smoked fish, pizza, grape juice and more for me. We had a wonderful time made all the better by the fact I had been looking after myself and felt better about myself. Our friendship will easily stand the test of time, but she may not be the primary partner I seek all the same. There is no way I can predict the outcome of this. I can only work on being a better man who is happy in his own skin. inner peace is VERY attractive, there is no shortage of women in my life when I am stable.
In study group this week one young (26 hehe) woman turned up dressed in lacy and sexy gear and it was not for the benefit of anyone else she beelined to my side and stayed there, she brought me chocolate, we talked about love, and how she was worried about falling in love here as she was returning to Germany shortly. She has invited me out several times. DOH! I could have had a secondary lover but I was too busy being obsessed over the ownership model my parents practised (and fucked up completely). Another young lady of dutch descent turned up and everytime I spoke she laughed I could do nothing wrong her attraction is very high.
Life is as rich and full as I choose to see it and make it. A world of opportunity exists. I will not play the field unless i meet someone i really like, and even then I'd discuss it with M first, as she has first dibs
There is no urgency, there is no desert wasteland awaiting me should things not work out with M. i am more concerned with helping her as a friend to accept and love herself, than I am in 'winning her devotion'. I am a far better man than I have been giving myself credit for, it's time to keep the affirmations and actions in place, to continue to learn to love myself.
Fuck the ego, fuck being a victim, I am not.