I would not seek out an LDR or be very likely to begin dating someone I'd never met. But I had a relationship that became long distance and I deeply cared about that individual, I'm sure I'd figure something out.
I said the same thing.
I would not seek out an LDR or be very likely to begin dating someone I'd never met. But I had a relationship that became long distance and I deeply cared about that individual, I'm sure I'd figure something out.
Same here. My most loving relationship was with someone who lived a while away. We were lucky seeing each other once a month at times.LDRs, like any other relationship, can work if all parties involved want them to work...period. The same things that we constantly talk about as being 'key' to poly relationships, mono relationships, and the like are the same components that are 'key' in an ldr. You can do 'whatever' you desire as long as you approach everything sincerely, honestly, and with great effort. I have had multiple long distance relationships and, at times, have had a greater connection and received more of the support I desired from my 'miles away' partner than I did from a partner that was closer to me.
I think it is important for you, your bf, and your gf to sit down and really weigh your desire to pursue the relationship, the pros and cons of the circumstances, what each of you are willing to compromise in order to make this work, and come to a mutual agreement about how you wish to proceed.
I wish you the best of everything.
If a person is not interested in LDR's for themselves then why are they in someway against it? I hear this quite often... anyone have an idea why this is so?
I would most likely not engage in an LDR as it wouldn't be for me, for several reasons including my need for touch, smell, sex with my partner being there, constant life stuff with my partners happening around me on a day to day basis.... la la la... and so on. But I am thrilled that anyone finds and is able to love one another. How they do that is up to them and is worth supporting as far as I am concerned... Go for it. Is that negative though, that I wouldn't/couldn't myself? That I have a different take on it than those that have/can have LDR's? I'm not feeling negative towards it... it confuses me that anyone would think I am... is it because I have a different description of how I do relationships and like to express that so that others know its okay to not want an LDR or even not go into a relationship that might become one?
I find it interesting and confusing that if someone has a different opinion that if they express it that they are in someway against others opinions and ideas of how they want to lead their lives. Perhaps that is a bit off topic, but I seem to be doing that lately. Sorry if it is.
Beautifully expressed!LDR`s have been going on for 1000`s of years successfully. They continue in every part of the world, for a variety of reasons. Many a military family deals with long distance love. Parts of history could never of had the outcomes it did, without long distance love.
Regardless of personal style, it is a fascinating subject. How DO the successful ones work ? Why did they work ? It`s the ultimate exhibition of caring energy. To be able to not see, or feel your loved one for a long period of time, yet still feel that loving energy every day ! Its one of the very few examples left in the world, where love can conquer all.
+1Beautifully expressed!
I don't understand 4 and 2 for the life of me...The LDR I was in is still one of the relationships I am in now. I am just stating that LDRs are incredibly difficult, at least for people like me that love affection. We didn't really have many issues besides the lack of missing each others touch and presence.
If an LDR is all someone can have at that point in time, it's certainly a lot better than nothing. I feel it's like this.
5) No relationship
4) daylight
3) LDR
2) daylight
1) physical relationship
Hence if you're at #1 and it returns to #3 you're regressing in my mind, but still, it's better than nothing.
Good idea to focus on yourself and your own happiness. That was pretty selfish of them to bring you into a relationship which already had problems.as much as I myself would like to think that things hold a chance of working I am starting to have my doubts, the girlfriend in the relationship has expressed that she does not want to try at this relationship anymore and as much as it pains me I must give the bf and the gf now ex's space and let them make their decisions.
they had issues within their relationship before I came into the picture and even though I served as a lovely distraction for them for a time, they thought they could repair their issues with me added to the picture but it seems that this not going all wrong.
its very hard cause I really did end up falling for both him and for her and I wish that I could have the happy feelings that I felt with the both of them just last me for my life time but I can't make people feel for me what I feel for them.
and maybe if I give them space I can have a second chance but I am not sure at this point. I need to try and re focus on myself and my life right now as hard as that might be for me to do.
Thanks for this input sourgirl. Unfortunately you have me wrong. I go through a process like anyone else. I just chose to be very open about it. I don't hate casual sex and don't hate LDR's. I hate them for me... if that is negative then so be it. I have a dismissive air when I am emotional and need help understanding so that I can accept. I have had negative experiences. I talk of them on here also by way of processing them. I am no different than others that write on here looking for answers.Where it changes with YOU,..redpepper,..is you come across as quite dismissive of other peoples relationships, if it isn`t your particular style.
2 things everyone knows from reading redpeppers threads. #1-hates casual sex. #2-has no respect for LDR`s.
Ok,...we got it.
I don`t know if thats just how you type, or my perception is off,..but its chronic, whichever it is. You mention that you don`t know how anyone could think you have a negative take on it. I can answer this. I think back to the frustrations I read in your posts when your husband was dating that woman who was moving away. That would be when I first noticed a dismissive air to the posts. Most others all begin with you speaking of your negative experience.
This post of yours, that I am quoting today, is the first time I have read in you, the ability to seperate your personal style, from what works for others. I quite liked this post of yours actually, I am glad you edited it. This sounds really fair to me.
I don't understand 4 and 2 for the life of me...