LovingRadiance
Active member
I try. I'm glad he was helpful to talk to.
. . . however, blogs are written to be read. IF they are read, they can be opined upon and comments left and discussed AND disagreements in those discussions may erupt- this is especially a fair practice by people involved in the real life of said blogger. Afterall blogging is a form of communicating- why shouldn't there be communication here?
•Respect the Blogs
The "Life Stories & Blogs" board exists for members to chronicle their journeys. It's a place for personal narratives about relationships. While discussion of what's posted is expected, those threads are not a place for open debate--they are personal chronicles. If you read something there that you just have to debate, start a discussion about that topic on the General board. If you try to argue on somebody's personal story thread, the post can be removed at the request of the member who started the thread.
This back and forth needs to stop. Someone (both actually) needs to realize the destructive cycle you both have created and put the emergency brakes on. Stop everything immediately. Separate. Deal with your own stuff seperatley. Scream, curse, blame, cry, get all the crazy out (alone) so you can breathe and see clearly, and understand yourself and where you are at and contemplate where the other person is at emotionally. It will help with communicating. It will let you control the beast that both of you have right now inside of you.
Both of you stop focusing on what the other person has done or is doing. Stop adding "But you" at the end of every sentence. "but you" nullifies all healing, all accountability, all heartfelt meaning to your words. It's time to accept accountabilit without expectation of reciprocation.
Stop comparing dirty deeds. It's like comparing knife wounds. Each wound is different. Each person's skin is different. What cuts one deep may cut us less and vice versa. It's pointless. Has it gotten either of you anywhere, but deeper into this black hole of misery?
LR, let go of Maca and focus on yourself. Stop analyzing him. Stop agreeing to plans. Stop making plans for improvement until the both of you gain control. We don't get to say when he will stop hurting over what has taken place. He doesn't get to say when he stops hurting either. If he did he wouldn't still be going through this because he has said he's made peace before. Haven't you gone through that before, LR? I know I have. Wanted to move forward so bad. Felt I could will myself into letting it go. Felt I was honestly in a place of peace... Then the pain would infect me again. Something would trigger it and I was in an emotional spiral I couldn't control and taking down the people I loved with me. God I hated myself for it, but I am only human and I had to accept I couldn't just make myself stop hurting. Sometimes it takes time... Like YEARS. Accepting that I had to be patient with myself and not force it.. That's when the progress really started.
He needs time away from everyone so he can release these emotions without hurting everyone. Stop making date nights. Stop making scheduled talks. Make an agreement that each of you will request communication and/or time together, but there will be no obligation for the other person to accept and the one requesting cannot get angry over the other not being in an emotional state to do so. Make an agreement that there will be no more adding to the destruction and if either of you has to make a quick exit (in communication or pressence) to prevent that, the other will be understanding and know it comes from a place of whating to improve not make worse.
This helped me get through alot of overwhelming emotions. This has helped me see that I can overcome what has happened when I thought there was no saving this.
I read where you said Maca needed you to not "always" talk about issues. Through the worst of my relationship (complete and utter destruction) there were moments where I basically said, "please, I need it all to stop and go away. Just for this moment. I need to be held. I need to talk about anything else. I need to hear your heart beat. I need to feel your wamth. I need to feel something with you that isn't pain or anger or fear." It was a moment of vunerability. It was sooooo very healing. Then... It was back to working on everything. Picking through the rubble.
I feel like I'm rambling... Just the both of you... Stop blaming. Stop seeing what the other is doing as how it effects you. Try to see the emotional turmoil of the other that is creating this mess. See the others pain and understand it. Give space and heal your own.
STOP TALKING ABOUT ANY ISSUES BETWEEN THEM
unless they are talking DIRECTLY with the counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist/mediator/dr present to control the conversation and guide it appropriately.
The reason for that is because the people involved in the "hell that broke loose" are participants of CREATING the hell with their actions/words/mannerisms/assumptions etc.
When we try to talk about the issues on our own-we end up fighting. OBVIOUSLY that's the case between 2rings and KT as well. The obvious answer is SHUT THE FUCK UP.
This is also something 2Rings has been saying for about 6 months! Hope it works! Shutting up a bit now!Not going to say tooo much, because well it is just time to shut up for the most part.
Otherwise known as the "fuck it" attitude haha
ummmm yeah! good point!
Off subject for NK: what the heck are jumbuck and tuckerbag?
Jumbuck is a sheep, tuckerbag is a sac. It's from Waltzing Matilda.
It's a very morbid, sugar-coated song, because according to Wiki, where it goes "grabbed him with glee" and "stuffed... into the tuckerbag", this guy is actually killing and dismembering the sheep and packing the body parts into a sack, then the owner and the police come along and call it a "jolly jumbuck"... I'm not australian but i think it's kind of hilarious.
Also, I'm pretty sure you can't derail your own blog.