I need advice from people who are more intelligent in the subject of polyamory than I am. You'll have to excuse me if I present some of the information from a biased point or not taking account of polyamorus lingo.
Background history: I identify monogamous, however I am in a relationship with someone who says they are polyamorus. We are both male, and gay. There is real love in the relationship makes things difficult from my perspective, and his as well.
I knew he was interested in a polyamorus relationship before we started dating so none of this is a surprise to me, and I think of myself as a very open person. We never started to date because it wasn't the type of relationship I wanted to be in. We had sex, and beyond that we had a great emotional connection-we still do. Anyway after a while I told him we couldn't continue because it didn't feel right for me, and I wanted him to experience this side of himself. He never did, but I started developing an emotional connection with someone else. He told me loved me and everything he wanted in a person he could see in me. Coming from my point of view I think thats makes a person feel loved so much. I decided to give the relationship a try. It didn't last long because although he loved me I could sense he was unhappy. I made him break up with me. I told him I still love him but also urged him to experience a polyamorus relationship. We still continued having an emotional bond and having sex as well, but agreed if I found someone else it would stop.
Before I did find someone else I found out he was having other relationships with many different men. Nothing physical but alot of it had to do with talking about having sex or wanting sex online. This was while we were still dating and immediately afterwards. This pisses me off to be honest. I knew he wanted to be in a polyamorus relationship and I still wanted to be with him. I had my doubts and fears but I gave it a try. I don't understand why he didn't have the decency to tell me after me giving him full support. I am aware of a lot of stereotypes that go on with polyamorus relationships. I am a student studying anthropology. That doesn't automatically make me open-minded but the whole discipline encourages not coming from an ethnocentric point of view.
I decided I couldn't trust him anymore so I decided to move on. I finally started dating someone who I knew would mesh well with me. We had the same thoughts on relationships and we got along great. I was never in love with him, I saw myself having the potential to love him but my ex contacted me and asked me to give in another try several weeks later. I couldn't resist. We honestly love each other, I have been in several relationship and I know this is not some young romance that is riddled with lust or immaturity. I broke up with the guy I was dating. I told him the truth that there was someone else and whatnot.
So now we are dating again and he even deleted all those online accounts and contacts without me bringing it up. I told him I am not sure I could trust him so he took action. I admire he is trying on my part, even though he knows I was open to him being in a polyamorus relationship without me.
Everything was going fine until today. I love to talk with whomever I am dating about how the relationship is, and how we are progressing. He told me want to be celibate.
I thought this was a strange request for someone who is not religious, or has no problems with sex in the relationship. From my jealous mind I immediately thought this is a way for him let me off easy. I engaged conversation about his and he told me that he may have a sex addiction. He deleted those accounts because it was temptations. Now I am really confused.
I don't know if these are the actions of a polyamorus gay man who is trying to make me happy or convince himself he is not, or if these are the actions of a man who has a sexual addiction, doesn't know how to explain it and therefore associates it with polyamory. Could he be both be a polyamorus and have a sexual addiction. Also he never been in a polyamorus relationship as he says it is really hard for him to find the right people-which I can only imagine.
What I need is some advice from people who have been in this situation before, or people who are polyamorus. Do these seem like the actions of a polyamorus? I have no idea because I don't identify as one. My gut tells me he is trying make me happy because he tried to do it before. Normally I would never take someone back after cheating-I have cheated before but I was much younger and in a physically abusive relationship. I understand that cheating on someone is a complex thing and has way more do than not having morals. That is why I can forgive him for not telling me. I just want to be open in the communication department. That is important for any relationship. He is not always open so it is hard to gage what is feeling.
I hope someone can expand my knowledge of polyamorus relationships and help me understand from a polyamorus point of view. It's not either of us have done anything wrong, but I feel like I should have some restraint towards him if he turns out to be polyamorus. I don't have anything problems with, and I think it is a great way for some people to experience relationships but I don't t think I could get past the jealousy, secretcy, and complexity if it. Hope everyone understands where I am coming from! Sorry for writing a novel
Background history: I identify monogamous, however I am in a relationship with someone who says they are polyamorus. We are both male, and gay. There is real love in the relationship makes things difficult from my perspective, and his as well.
I knew he was interested in a polyamorus relationship before we started dating so none of this is a surprise to me, and I think of myself as a very open person. We never started to date because it wasn't the type of relationship I wanted to be in. We had sex, and beyond that we had a great emotional connection-we still do. Anyway after a while I told him we couldn't continue because it didn't feel right for me, and I wanted him to experience this side of himself. He never did, but I started developing an emotional connection with someone else. He told me loved me and everything he wanted in a person he could see in me. Coming from my point of view I think thats makes a person feel loved so much. I decided to give the relationship a try. It didn't last long because although he loved me I could sense he was unhappy. I made him break up with me. I told him I still love him but also urged him to experience a polyamorus relationship. We still continued having an emotional bond and having sex as well, but agreed if I found someone else it would stop.
Before I did find someone else I found out he was having other relationships with many different men. Nothing physical but alot of it had to do with talking about having sex or wanting sex online. This was while we were still dating and immediately afterwards. This pisses me off to be honest. I knew he wanted to be in a polyamorus relationship and I still wanted to be with him. I had my doubts and fears but I gave it a try. I don't understand why he didn't have the decency to tell me after me giving him full support. I am aware of a lot of stereotypes that go on with polyamorus relationships. I am a student studying anthropology. That doesn't automatically make me open-minded but the whole discipline encourages not coming from an ethnocentric point of view.
I decided I couldn't trust him anymore so I decided to move on. I finally started dating someone who I knew would mesh well with me. We had the same thoughts on relationships and we got along great. I was never in love with him, I saw myself having the potential to love him but my ex contacted me and asked me to give in another try several weeks later. I couldn't resist. We honestly love each other, I have been in several relationship and I know this is not some young romance that is riddled with lust or immaturity. I broke up with the guy I was dating. I told him the truth that there was someone else and whatnot.
So now we are dating again and he even deleted all those online accounts and contacts without me bringing it up. I told him I am not sure I could trust him so he took action. I admire he is trying on my part, even though he knows I was open to him being in a polyamorus relationship without me.
Everything was going fine until today. I love to talk with whomever I am dating about how the relationship is, and how we are progressing. He told me want to be celibate.
I thought this was a strange request for someone who is not religious, or has no problems with sex in the relationship. From my jealous mind I immediately thought this is a way for him let me off easy. I engaged conversation about his and he told me that he may have a sex addiction. He deleted those accounts because it was temptations. Now I am really confused.
I don't know if these are the actions of a polyamorus gay man who is trying to make me happy or convince himself he is not, or if these are the actions of a man who has a sexual addiction, doesn't know how to explain it and therefore associates it with polyamory. Could he be both be a polyamorus and have a sexual addiction. Also he never been in a polyamorus relationship as he says it is really hard for him to find the right people-which I can only imagine.
What I need is some advice from people who have been in this situation before, or people who are polyamorus. Do these seem like the actions of a polyamorus? I have no idea because I don't identify as one. My gut tells me he is trying make me happy because he tried to do it before. Normally I would never take someone back after cheating-I have cheated before but I was much younger and in a physically abusive relationship. I understand that cheating on someone is a complex thing and has way more do than not having morals. That is why I can forgive him for not telling me. I just want to be open in the communication department. That is important for any relationship. He is not always open so it is hard to gage what is feeling.
I hope someone can expand my knowledge of polyamorus relationships and help me understand from a polyamorus point of view. It's not either of us have done anything wrong, but I feel like I should have some restraint towards him if he turns out to be polyamorus. I don't have anything problems with, and I think it is a great way for some people to experience relationships but I don't t think I could get past the jealousy, secretcy, and complexity if it. Hope everyone understands where I am coming from! Sorry for writing a novel