I'm sorry you are struggling.
In your
intro post there's a lot of drama with this woman you are dating.
Her time management skills as a hinge person sound poor in that post to me. You also sound worried you aren't getting the time you need for the (you + her) relationship to run well in both that post and this one.
In this post? You sound concerned that there isn't just 2 BFs (you plus that intro post bf.) But that there are 4 BFs in the picture. Given her chaotic sounding life with BF from the first post, and her poor hinge time management skills, and the fact that nobody knows about her dating several but you? This sounds like possible cheating drama on top of the chaos drama. Is that what it is here?
If what she says is true from the first post that she is tired of the drama? And you are tired of being thrown on the back burner?
I would suggest that you tell her it sounds like she's got a full plate, so you want to bow out to give her time/space to sort out her other business. She can look you up when she's more ABLE to date you nicely and polyship well. Date her THEN at that point in time. Right now she's not able.
If you want to date, there's others to be dating that aren't so messy sounding in the meanwhile.
If you want to polyship, there are other polyships to be in that aren't so messy sounding in the meanwhile.
This gives YOU time, space, and some emotional distance from this person to see if she gets herself together or not without you being in the direct line of fire.
Another thing you could do in the meanwhile is work on your communication skills so you can better articulate. That's a good interpersonal skill to have in any of your relationships - family, friends, work, etc. Whether or not you keep on dating her in future or not.
HTH!
Galagirl