Redpepper's journey

Did I mention how much I love Mono? He made my room so nice for me and Leo last night. He helped me set up the computer to play an online movie, he let me put beer in the fridge and let me use his glasses. He made sure to give us space so that we could enjoy our time together. All this from a man that does not share his space with anyone. I felt so loved and grateful. I felt so loved by all three men last night, as PN did what was needed to make sure I had time with Leo. Leo was just wonderful to me. He listened to me, laughed with me and we had a really good time together. Feel so loved and complete today.
I just wrote this on another thread, but wanted to post it here too.

Leo and I had our first time ever bedroom visit last night. Derby has been for a visit, but only briefly and when I was sick. It was an interesting night and lead up for me. I felt really unsure of how it would go, yet pushed ahead to see. Mono was amazing and so giving. I so appreciated that he was able to let me be in my space with whom I wanted. That was hard for him, I'm sure.

I feel a little unsteady today as I gave him too much info about my night and should've known better. I felt so loved this morning and forgot that that doesn't mean that I get to tell the world about it. Mono and I had to debrief as a result. It seem to be all good now.

I hope that I can have Leo over again, but not for a long time. There needs to be some time. We have been used to sitting in restaurants, in his car and going for walks. This kind of privacy is not something we are used to. It needs to be worked out what it means, how we can "be" in private space. It's hard to explain somehow, and I don't think I am doing it justice, so I will leave it there and see what unfolds.
 
That was hard for him, I'm sure.

I did push myself a little and was really happy to give you that gift when I woke up this morning. I had uncomfortable thoughts while lying in my bed only feet away from your room. I could hear you giggling and was thinking about you snuggling and flirting with your mutual sexual attraction on your bed with Leo. I couldn't sleep and was glad when the night came to an end. But I was really happy in the morning because I did it and I knew you had fun. And then the "Too much information" email came in.


I feel a little unsteady today as I gave him too much info about my night and should of known better..

It kind of confirmed those uncomfortable thoughts and took away from the healthiness of the experience for me. And of course my reaction probably took away from your happiness. We'll have to work on some tricks to bypass my brain, I think. There is a grey area between completely cool and uncrossable lines that I just don't need to hear about or see. Just that little bit of info (which contained nothing new, just reinforced my thoughts), was enough to set me back.

I'm not a fan of DADT for the big things, but this isn't that big and so sweet sweet ignorance is perfectly fine for me. Some people will call me out for not being able to deal. That's fine. I agree. I never claimed to be able to handle the idea of RP with another guy. But in my mind, a little DADT is better than hurting my connection with the woman I love. Some people will also say, Why can't that apply to a full physical relationship? Good point. I guess in a perfect scenario DADT would work, but in most cases it doesn't.


I hope that I can have Leo over again.

Of course you will be able to and I won't deny it will be more of a challenge for me. I'll deal with it.

Gotta get you a better movie player, though. ;) XOXOX
 
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I had uncomfortable thoughts when lying in my bed only feet away from your room. I could hear you gigling and was thinking about you snuggling and flirting with your mutual sexual attraction on your bed with Leo.

Soundproofing a wall or two might help :D
 
You'ld have to see the layout of my place to understand LOL!

Was just kidding!:p I have to eventually soundproof a master bathroom, which requires ripping out all the drywall and gutting it (tub, vanity, etc.). Sounds traveling from master bedroom through master bath (no door between and really small) to the kids room, is not so cool. :eek:

I don't really like the DADT either, but where is the line of TMI? I would guess finding that line (and not crossing it) is just a series of error and trial.
 
The TMI and DADT, while doesn't surprise me, it does surprise me that it is a factor here with Mono and Redpepper. I kind of get it. Like, there is a point after which you simply want things to remain vague and unconfirmed. You don't want the details because it isn't healthy for you emotionally or mentally to know.

(Sorry, Redpepper, if I'm hijacking, btw.)

Is this something the two of you work on together to stretch in you, Mono (as RP seems to have a need to talk to you about these experiences) or something that you both recognise is a no-go zone either for now, or for all time?
 
I kind of get it like there is a point after which you simply want things to remain vague and unconfirmed Mono?

You don't want the details because it isn't healthy for you emotionally or mentally to know?

(Sorry Redpepper if I'm hijacking btw)

Is this something the two of you work on together to stretch in you Mono (as RP seems to have a need to talk to you about these experiences) or something that you both recognise is a no-go zone either for now - or for all time?

Leo is a non-sexual boyfriend. We are all friends. They care about each other and are attracted to each other. If I were not in the picture they would likely take their relationship further. I just don't need to see or hear about their attraction beyond friendship. I know it is there and can handle it.

If they wanted it to go further, I would step back. They seem happy and that is all that matters, I guess.
 
No problem, flamekat. Good question.

I am used to telling PN everything, so I'm not used to monitoring. I don't mind doing that if Mono is not interested in knowing what I do. It keeps me safe to know that if I have to tell him, then I have to live with the consequence of going over a boundary we have together. I monitor myself with that. I will find a different way to monitor.
 
An answer that answers nothing. Kudos, Mono.

I knew that you knew all of that I have read most of yours and RP's posts :D I guess it just surprises me that you have trouble with hearing that stuff from Pepper if you are okay with it.

Anyway, I shall quit hijacking now :p

I should be a politician LOL! Being ok with something does not necessarily mean I am completely ok with all aspects of it. Relationships are give and take. A person can be ok with the idea of something and not be quite as ok with the reality of seeing it. I use little internal and secret tricks to bridge the gap of mono and poly. But they are secret, so don't ask. ;)
 
I use little internal and secret tricks to bridge the gap of mono and poly. But they are secret so don't ask ;)

Redpepper just came in and is in the shower warming up after a day at work with no heat. Guess what the first question she asked was? ;) I told her I have an internal DADT policy. :)
 
Well as long as you don't argue with yourself...and lose!
 
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