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Old 03-22-2014, 08:21 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Most guys who require a One Penis Policy for their female partners do so because they don't think of another woman as being any kind of a threat. It's totally sexist and degrading in that sense, because it means that to them, F/F relationships aren't really relationships. You couldn't possibly fall in love and want to run away with a chick, right? It's just about diddling each other, and hopefully so he can watch or participate too - 'cause it's all about the fragile male ego! Gimme, gimme. But another man, who possibly has a bigger dick, a bigger salary, a nicer car, who might make you cum harder and scream louder, hoo-boy, you might want to run away with him! So forget about that, sistah!

Your husband obviously has some of these insecurities, and it seems pretty deep ones, too because he does require that he be present whenever you are with someone else. That is so sex-focused, as well as dictator-ish, and speaks of very deep fears and a need to control.

My advice would be to ask him what his reasons for the OPP are, and drill down to the underlying insecurities. Tell him that you've been thinking about what it would be like for each of you to have the freedom to be with whomever you wanted without such strict rules, and see if he would be open to change.

But keep in mind, he's your partner - not your boss. Don't ask permission like a beggar with your hand out hoping for crumbs. Even married people have autonomy, free will, and their own agency. Tell him emphatically what you want, what would make you happy, and that you want him to think about the issues surrounding how you've been operating all this time, and discuss what changes he would be willing to consider.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Last edited by nycindie; 03-22-2014 at 08:24 PM.
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