TroisForte
New member
I reported earlier in my initial blog that my husband of 21 years (I call him R), his girlfriend (CG) and I have been happily involved in a FFM Vee relationship for the past 4.5 months.
I love them both very much and we are still all very happy together but a few situations have arisen that have literally sent me into panic attacks and I'm not quite sure how to articulate how I am feeling or what I should do about it. I need advice and have nowhere to turn but here.
Hopefully you can follow considering the head space I am in right now.
The relationship R and I have with CG is long distance. Actually, she lives close to my husband's hometown. 21 years ago R and I built our lives 2000 miles away from his hometown with our children. We go back to visit at least 2 - 3 times a year for a few weeks at a time.
In a few weeks R is taking a trip to spend time with CG alone and I'm starting to get very sad for many reasons. The most noteworthy reasons are: his heart has always been in his hometown. That is where he is the happiest but we live so far away because that is where we can make a living right now no matter how much we want to be where he is from. I'm a bit jealous because not only does he get to spend time with CG without any of life's constraints but he gets to do it in a place where he feels most alive. I feel like in some way it is a recipe for him loving me less (because he's got to come back home to a state he hates) and loving her more because everything he wants is in his hometown. They both say that having alone time together is just as important for the health of the relationship between all three of us as the time we spend as a group but the closer his trip is getting, the more I'm filled with trepidation and fear. This is the first time in the 21 years together that he will be taking a trip ("vacation") without me but WITH someone else; someone else he is romantically involved in and as horrible as it sounds I don't know if I can handle not having him with me. I don't know if I can handle him being gone. My identity is him and my children. I'm starting to feel abandoned and I don't want to feel like that because I DO love what R, CG and I have going on. I'm just not too fond of this part.
If that is the only problem I had to contend with I am sure I would be able to work it out but the trip has become even more complicated. R's entire family lives up there to include OUR grandma (she will be 99 this year) who lives in a nursing home and his mother whom he only started talking to again a few weeks ago after an extremely strained relationship. We recently discovered that she has terminal cancer and isn't expected to live much longer. He wants to make his peace with her when he goes up there. He has also mentioned he wants to go see our grandma in the nursing home (she is 3 hours away from where he will be staying).
I have asked him that if he does choose to go see his mother and grandma to please go alone and it made him a little angry with me. I know it sounds very unfair for me to ask her not to go and him to go alone but I've got A LOT of emotions about all of this that I just can't process or handle. Our grandma is so dear to both of us and it has always been OUR thing as we are driving into town to go visit grandpa's grave, kiss his headstone and tidy up grandma's parents graves, then go buy grandma a treat and visit her in the nursing home before we proceed to visit the rest of our family. I am not ready to have my place taken in that regard if she goes with him. That would crush me. As for his mother, I have told R that I don't want CG to go with him to visit her because she and I have a lot of peace to make ourselves before I feel another woman should be introduced into the situation.
CG has been an angel on Earth helping me work out how I am feeling but R seems not to care about my feelings. He is acting like I am inconveniencing him with my "demands" and trying to control what he does and doesn't do when he is up there. How do I deal with all of these feelings? How do I deal with R? Even if R wanted to I know CG would put him in his place and not disrespect my wishes. I just feel like my world has suddenly started to spin out of control. Help.
I love them both very much and we are still all very happy together but a few situations have arisen that have literally sent me into panic attacks and I'm not quite sure how to articulate how I am feeling or what I should do about it. I need advice and have nowhere to turn but here.
Hopefully you can follow considering the head space I am in right now.
The relationship R and I have with CG is long distance. Actually, she lives close to my husband's hometown. 21 years ago R and I built our lives 2000 miles away from his hometown with our children. We go back to visit at least 2 - 3 times a year for a few weeks at a time.
In a few weeks R is taking a trip to spend time with CG alone and I'm starting to get very sad for many reasons. The most noteworthy reasons are: his heart has always been in his hometown. That is where he is the happiest but we live so far away because that is where we can make a living right now no matter how much we want to be where he is from. I'm a bit jealous because not only does he get to spend time with CG without any of life's constraints but he gets to do it in a place where he feels most alive. I feel like in some way it is a recipe for him loving me less (because he's got to come back home to a state he hates) and loving her more because everything he wants is in his hometown. They both say that having alone time together is just as important for the health of the relationship between all three of us as the time we spend as a group but the closer his trip is getting, the more I'm filled with trepidation and fear. This is the first time in the 21 years together that he will be taking a trip ("vacation") without me but WITH someone else; someone else he is romantically involved in and as horrible as it sounds I don't know if I can handle not having him with me. I don't know if I can handle him being gone. My identity is him and my children. I'm starting to feel abandoned and I don't want to feel like that because I DO love what R, CG and I have going on. I'm just not too fond of this part.
If that is the only problem I had to contend with I am sure I would be able to work it out but the trip has become even more complicated. R's entire family lives up there to include OUR grandma (she will be 99 this year) who lives in a nursing home and his mother whom he only started talking to again a few weeks ago after an extremely strained relationship. We recently discovered that she has terminal cancer and isn't expected to live much longer. He wants to make his peace with her when he goes up there. He has also mentioned he wants to go see our grandma in the nursing home (she is 3 hours away from where he will be staying).
I have asked him that if he does choose to go see his mother and grandma to please go alone and it made him a little angry with me. I know it sounds very unfair for me to ask her not to go and him to go alone but I've got A LOT of emotions about all of this that I just can't process or handle. Our grandma is so dear to both of us and it has always been OUR thing as we are driving into town to go visit grandpa's grave, kiss his headstone and tidy up grandma's parents graves, then go buy grandma a treat and visit her in the nursing home before we proceed to visit the rest of our family. I am not ready to have my place taken in that regard if she goes with him. That would crush me. As for his mother, I have told R that I don't want CG to go with him to visit her because she and I have a lot of peace to make ourselves before I feel another woman should be introduced into the situation.
CG has been an angel on Earth helping me work out how I am feeling but R seems not to care about my feelings. He is acting like I am inconveniencing him with my "demands" and trying to control what he does and doesn't do when he is up there. How do I deal with all of these feelings? How do I deal with R? Even if R wanted to I know CG would put him in his place and not disrespect my wishes. I just feel like my world has suddenly started to spin out of control. Help.