fiveflowerfencer
New member
Hi,
This is my first post so please pardon me if I am posting in the wrong forum.
I am recently (within the last 9 months) divorced and have been dating almost since my divorce. Partially because I tend to attract people as I'm open, friendly, outgoing, and (I hear, not trying to brag) attractive. Since I've started dating/sleeping around, I have upfront told everyone I've seen that right now I'm not comfortable committing to one person exclusively and that I am interesting in exploring things that I haven't experienced yet.
Part of what caused my divorce was this desire to expand my knowledge sexually and maybe emotionally. The other part was dishonesty. So, I have told all my partners that I am going to be open about who I'm seeing and who I'm sleeping with, though I refrain from details unless they really want to know. And I insist on honesty from my partners, especially on "Milestones" like if they decide to start sleeping with someone new or whatever.
I have been involved with G for about 5 months, though I knew him through friends peripherally for a few years. He and I have grown very close and while I resisted telling him I love him for a while, I recently did (Too soon? I'm not sure...) though he also responded the same. He knew that I am trying not to move too quickly and that I am seeing other people, but he also knows that he is my #1. However, he is also having a hard time being OK with me dating other ppl. He says he wants me to do what makes me happy and that he doesn't want me to do something for him which is against what I want ("monogamous" committment so soon after marriage).
I've also been sort of dating N since about the same time I started dating G, though N and I are much more casual. He is into the BDSM scene which is something I've been incredibly curious about and want to explore but haven't known how/had the bravery to do so. N is dominant enough to get me out of my comfort zone (as to what I want), has enough knowledge about being sub to teach me stuff about being dom, and has the money to invest in toys and clubs where I don't. I like N as a friend but our romantic relationship is mostly sexual.
G knows about N (and knew about others that I've either stopped seeing or were just one-time things) but still seems uncomfortable with the whole non-exclusive thing even though I spend 90% of my free time with G and 5% or less with N.
Recently I went out of town and my travelling partner bailed at the last minute and I invited G but work wouldnt let him get time off, and not wanting to go alone I invite N. G knew about that, but still when he saw the pics on FB (which I asked G if i could post), he still said that he got jealous.
G has only had relations once with one other person since we started dating and says he has a hard time being interested in other women when he's interested in me.
Am I in trouble? Have I invested my heart in someone who wants to come around but ultimately won't be able to? Am I making a mistake being so honest about N (I'll tell G I'm going out with N if he asks when I have plans or if there's a thing N invites me to)? I refuse to give up being open/whatever and might agree to exclusivity in the future, but not right now. Does this mean that I am going to have to accept that there will be a time when I lose G?
Thanks for all your advice.
This is my first post so please pardon me if I am posting in the wrong forum.
I am recently (within the last 9 months) divorced and have been dating almost since my divorce. Partially because I tend to attract people as I'm open, friendly, outgoing, and (I hear, not trying to brag) attractive. Since I've started dating/sleeping around, I have upfront told everyone I've seen that right now I'm not comfortable committing to one person exclusively and that I am interesting in exploring things that I haven't experienced yet.
Part of what caused my divorce was this desire to expand my knowledge sexually and maybe emotionally. The other part was dishonesty. So, I have told all my partners that I am going to be open about who I'm seeing and who I'm sleeping with, though I refrain from details unless they really want to know. And I insist on honesty from my partners, especially on "Milestones" like if they decide to start sleeping with someone new or whatever.
I have been involved with G for about 5 months, though I knew him through friends peripherally for a few years. He and I have grown very close and while I resisted telling him I love him for a while, I recently did (Too soon? I'm not sure...) though he also responded the same. He knew that I am trying not to move too quickly and that I am seeing other people, but he also knows that he is my #1. However, he is also having a hard time being OK with me dating other ppl. He says he wants me to do what makes me happy and that he doesn't want me to do something for him which is against what I want ("monogamous" committment so soon after marriage).
I've also been sort of dating N since about the same time I started dating G, though N and I are much more casual. He is into the BDSM scene which is something I've been incredibly curious about and want to explore but haven't known how/had the bravery to do so. N is dominant enough to get me out of my comfort zone (as to what I want), has enough knowledge about being sub to teach me stuff about being dom, and has the money to invest in toys and clubs where I don't. I like N as a friend but our romantic relationship is mostly sexual.
G knows about N (and knew about others that I've either stopped seeing or were just one-time things) but still seems uncomfortable with the whole non-exclusive thing even though I spend 90% of my free time with G and 5% or less with N.
Recently I went out of town and my travelling partner bailed at the last minute and I invited G but work wouldnt let him get time off, and not wanting to go alone I invite N. G knew about that, but still when he saw the pics on FB (which I asked G if i could post), he still said that he got jealous.
G has only had relations once with one other person since we started dating and says he has a hard time being interested in other women when he's interested in me.
Am I in trouble? Have I invested my heart in someone who wants to come around but ultimately won't be able to? Am I making a mistake being so honest about N (I'll tell G I'm going out with N if he asks when I have plans or if there's a thing N invites me to)? I refuse to give up being open/whatever and might agree to exclusivity in the future, but not right now. Does this mean that I am going to have to accept that there will be a time when I lose G?
Thanks for all your advice.
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