View Single Post
Old 08-02-2013, 12:16 AM
Marcus's Avatar
Marcus Marcus is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,598

Originally Posted by willowstar View Post
He is very much a Gift person with strong leanings for Physical Touch as well. I am aware that not giving him this right now is hard for him. I am also having a problem with the amount of touch he wants.
It's good to know how people best receive the message that we love them. If one kind of expression is just as natural to us as another, and one of them is better received by our partner then it makes sense to express that way instead.

What is *not* good is to adopt a method of expression which is not natural for us. I get the impression that you are functioning with this reality in mind, I just wanted to reinforce it for the cheap seats. It's good to know what people want - and it's good to be an adult and realize that this is life and we don't always get what we want.

Originally Posted by willowstar View Post
His boundaries were becoming inappropriate, and so I felt as though it was important, for our relationship to survive, for me to set the boundaries more clearly, and ask him to just STOP. Even after telling him that sex was off the table for a little while, he continued to try and touch my breasts, put his hands on my ass, and basically just disregard entirely everything I was asking him to do.
This might be one of the things that couples counseling can help with. There is clearly a message sent - message received error going on here. Dealing with critical breakdown in sending and receiving messages to each other is the *one* thing I think couples counseling can address.

Originally Posted by dingedheart
I start there layout the roommate plan
Not to keep hammering on this reality, because you [OP] are no doubt aware that it is around the corner, but you really might start to shift your efforts to "how to live our new roommate lives".

There is absolutely nothing wrong with redefining the nature of your relationship because there has been a fundamental shift. Or, in your case, the loss of ability to suppress who you are which necessarily changes how your relationship with this man will work. Maybe this discussion can be better facilitated by said couples counselor?
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
Reply With Quote