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Old 08-01-2013, 03:01 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
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Originally Posted by willowstar View Post
Willow, who is feeling very much like an unsuccessful poly person these days...
Sounds like you are a very good poly person who is unfortunately struggling with how to deal with a partner who is not poly friendly.

You are living your life, giving reasonable advice, and trying to be flexible in finding a solution without compromising who you are.

Originally Posted by willowstar View Post
He cannot really pinpoint what his specific triggers are...We have an appointment with a counselor next week to begin therapy
Couples therapy is good for a very specific range of issues and can address them in a "workshop" type format. Really all it can do is address communication issues in its various forms. As far as I have seen, however, couples therapy can do precisely dick to work with specific personality or worldview issues.

It is unlikely to be "therapy" in that you delve into issues to find the root problem motivations and outlooks and work to find new and positive outlets. That is what happens in intensive therapy which excludes family and other loved ones. That shit needs to be taken seriously and the presence of the subject matter at the therapy does nothing but clog the gears. I'm sure this is not the case with all couples therapy but for this to be incorrect you would be dealing with an extraordinary couples therapist.

I tell you this because anyone who regularly collapses into a "puddle" because someone else is on a date... be havin' issues. These issues need to be seriously looked at by an impartial therapist who is not going to take sides or figure out who to blame.

Originally Posted by willowstar View Post
He is convinced that getting a GF for himself will solve his insecurity issue, because then he has someone else also, someone to give him some time and attention. I have tried to (gently) explain to him that this is not a good solution and he needs to figure out what is really going on for him.
Yes, because he really sounds like he's ready to "date". I really hope he doesn't find any impressionable people who are desperate enough to date a person who is an emotional catastrophe like he is.

You are obviously correct; getting a date is just about the farthest from what he or his poor date could need.

Originally Posted by willowstar View Post
He constantly feels rejected and as though "He doesnt belong in my life"...
Not to put too fine a point on it but... does he?
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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