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Old 03-13-2012, 04:26 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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I was chatting with Eric online the other day and the subject of one night stands came up. He said that he's never slept with a girl other than Gia more than once. He said that it really bugs him.

"Aside from me, you mean," I said. "You and I have certainly slept together more than once!" He pointed out that we've only had sex once when it was just the two of us. It was a morning after I'd slept over, we started fooling around and Gia wasn't in the mood but said we should feel free. She went to make breakfast and he and I carried on.

I was surprised (never more than once with anyone one on one but Gia, ever, really?) and touched by how wistful he seemed about it. It also confirmed my suspicion that things had stalled out with Liza (she and her husband have been having problems).

I told him that I'd be more than happy to sleep with him again just the two of us, for the record, but that I thought it wouldn't be the best idea right now. Gia is very frustrated by how difficult it is to find time to be alone with either of her partners, so for the two of us to take time for recreational sex without her when she's so desperate for intimacy with either of us might be hurtful. He said that it might well be, and we agreed that we'd very much enjoy having a threesome again.

It made me feel odd to be in the position of saying "threesome sex is fine, dyad sex with one of you is fine, but dyad sex with the other is not." But Gia has spoken to me often lately of how frustrated she is at feeling isolated from Eric, because they don't get alone time on anything like a regular basis. It seems respectful to keep a little distance from him right now, just like I wouldn't go after her crush, Zed. In time, though... in time, I love the idea of getting Eric alone again, with her blessing.

The conversation made me look at Eric's intimate life from a new perspective. I've always thought of him as a bit of a player, and just completely uninterested in anything serious with anyone but Gia. But obviously he's not quite the player he wants to be if this frustrates him and... there are different levels of "serious". Just because he doesn't want a "relationship" that doesn't mean that he doesn't want more than he's had.

And y'know what, if he finds the warm, ongoing sexual friendship that he seems to be sad about not ever having... or hell, even a real extramarital relationship... with someone who's not me, that would be ok. There was a time not long so when I couldn't have said that last bit. But he deserves whatever wonderful interpersonal relationships he can find. I've certainly been lucky enough to have my share. How could I begrudge him the chance for the same? I think, also, that my big unrequited Thing for him has faded a great deal. I still feel *very* warmly towards him but it's no longer quite the same difficult mess. It makes it a lot easier to not be possessive.
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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