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Old 10-30-2010, 05:18 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,733

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I spoke to Redpepper about the posts I will share on here. We need to be honest with each other and not let any little things compile.
In you case it would probably a open discussion of boundaries that could create a healthy and relaxed environment. If you took over cleaning more of the whole house and were happy in doing that, that could be seen as an additional benefit to the family as a whole. As long as you were ok with that and didn't start feeling like a maid LOL!
I mow the grass at Redpepper's, I'v been doing it for two summers and that will not change now that I live with them. I also do house maintenance because I enjoy it. So, besides rent contribution I assist with the running of the household through acts of service. I also pick up their son and babysit a lot. The big thing is that I do things because I want to and it makes me happy and feel important to the entire family.

Time to deliver Redpepper a coffee
I reeeeeaaally am conscious of not burdening you with tasks that need to be done. I make sure I request of Mono and PN and don't bark our orders. Sometimes I do when I find myself overwhelmed and something needs to be done that isn't on their radar. So not fair and I apologize and explain myself afterwards and feel really bad.

Its really important to me that people do what they want to do and feel happy doing so that they feel like they are contributing but not resenting that. Instead I want them to feel that they are proud of our house and their contribution to it...

It's absolutely thrilling to me and PN that not only does Mono like to do stuff around the house, but feels like it's his contribution. It's most definitely one of the reasons I picked him as my life love. i am a huge "acts of service" person, if we are to be talking about the book, "the five love languages" who's author i forget, but you can find it in the "book rec" thread. To me that is the ultimate love to me, I think because I wasn't really given to in that way as a child and now crave it as an adult.

Ya, so important that people be doing what they want and not because they think they have to. It's also important to check out what peoples standards are. If someones cleaning standard is different than another's its not okay to put the expectation on them that they become something they aren't. In terms of the situation that you could be in eklctc, I would think that it would be better to do the housework and keep it to your standard because that is how you want to contribute and that is what makes you feel a part of the household, but keep in mind that their standard is different and that they might mess things up again... I see no reason why you couldn't ask them to at least respect your efforts and verbally appreciate your contribution.

Really, all one needs is to feel appreciated and that their contribution is worth something... if it isn't worth something to housemates then its time to change the contribution I think... not in a resentful way but in a practical way in order to get needs met for appreciation.
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