poly fidelity... what is it?

I would say both or either.

For me, if you can have sex outside the relationship, then the relationship isn't closed.
However, my problem with closed relationship is that I feel it tells me I'm not allowed to fall in love, which isn't under my control and therefore doesn't seem fair.

So I would say a relationship can be opened one way, the other, or both, but can only be considered closed if neither are allowed.

That sounds true to me. I will add that sex is the usual means of enforcement because it's a behavior that's easily identifiable, even though prohibitions on both is desired.
 
That sounds true to me. I will add that sex is the usual means of enforcement because it's a behavior that's easily identifiable, even though prohibitions on both is desired.

Or the prohibitions "could" be on both?

My arrangement with Mono is that if there is a time that I want a boyfriend that I would have sex with then our sexual relationship woud end and my sexual relationship with him would begin. I could have other boyfriends but not sexual ones. I can have as many girlfriends as I want too and none of this needs discussing with my tribe. Although I would out of respect and curticy.
So, would this be poly fi?
 
Or the prohibitions "could" be on both?

My arrangement with Mono is that if there is a time that I want a boyfriend that I would have sex with then our sexual relationship woud end and my sexual relationship with him would begin. I could have other boyfriends but not sexual ones. I can have as many girlfriends as I want too and none of this needs discussing with my tribe. Although I would out of respect and curticy.
So, would this be poly fi?

hmmmm...no because you are still open.

My take is that poly fi is now closed. Period....with your availability to girls I suppose you could be gender specific poly fi....

that said, like all things poly, there are variations of a theme like I mentioned above.

tough call might be better to not try and carry that label. Poly fi may be best left to completely closed constellations. :)
 
Poly-fi for us (Simplified for ease of sharing):

For us poly-fi means that we agree that any new partners have to be accepted by the "whole" group of us.

Now that means several things depending on the person.

In our "quad" only 3 of us are sexually involved with one another.
SO-as a Quad the rule is that no one moves in and joins the FAMILY as a family member without the FOUR of us agreeing.

In our "V"-I am sexually involved AND fluid-bonded with Maca and GG. Therefore if ANY of the three of us is going to be sexually involved with someone else, the three of us need to be in agreement about it.

Mimi can have sex with whomever she pleases without our two cents, but if she's wanting to bring them into the household as a family member-it would need to be discussed as a quad.

The rest of us may not be sexually active with another person without the three of us discussing it and agreeing first.

ALL four of us are free to maintain any type of non-sexual, deep, meaningful (or shallow meaningless) relationships that we wish with whomever we wish
SO LONG AS THOSE PEOPLE DO NOT NEGATIVELY IMPACT THE FAMILY DYNAMIC (ie no drug addicts bring brought home to hang out, no pedofiles, etc).
We all maintain numerous relationships outside of the family dynamic that are non-sexual and have never really had a problem with that. We also have many mutual friends amongst us, in pairs, trios and the quad as a whole.
Generally speaking people whom we invite to hang out at the house are "family people" with kids of their own or who are used to being around kids a lot, becuase we have 5 kids here of our own.

Ok-feel free to knock me with questions!
:p
 
So, clarifying one point: of your quad, one person isn't involved sexually with any one. Is their place purely emotional then? Or something else?
 
So, clarifying one point: of your quad, one person isn't involved sexually with any one. Is their place purely emotional then? Or something else?

She isn't involved sexually with any of us. I would say her place is something else.
She is certainly emotionally involved on a deep level with all of us.
But she's also an equal contributor as a parent in the dynamic (we have 5 kids).
She's also a financial contributor in the family.
.....
The only thing she's not is a sexually contributing member of the family....

:D
 
I guess I am curious... How did she get to be part of the family? Did she use to be sexually involved? Is she parent of some of the children biologically? Sorry if I'm nosing here, I'm certainly not questioning her place, but I'm curious about how it happened to be to begin with.
 
She and I were best friends.
I got pregnant at 15, had a baby at 16.
She stuck by my side and helped me raise that baby.

When I got married to Maca it was on the grounds that she was "part and parcel" to getting me. Not sexually-not so much as it would bother me, I wouldn't care, just that didn't come up.

Then here we are today-that baby is now going to be 19 next week and so it goes.
;)

No, she wasn't ever sexually active and none of the children are biologically hers. She has no biological children and has reason to believe she can't have any. However, she's raised all of ours side by side with us and is an integral a part of their lives in a parental capacity as we are.
 
Or the prohibitions "could" be on both?

My arrangement with Mono is that if there is a time that I want a boyfriend that I would have sex with then our sexual relationship woud end and my sexual relationship with him would begin. I could have other boyfriends but not sexual ones. I can have as many girlfriends as I want too and none of this needs discussing with my tribe. Although I would out of respect and curticy.
So, would this be poly fi?

How many girlfriends are we talking here??? :p
 
I see. I guess to me (that is, if I was in that situation) she'd be part of the family and the household, but not the network... Like a sister or something. But definitely one of the parents for the children, and family for everyone involved.

Thanks for satisfying my curiosity :)
 
She and I were best friends.
I got pregnant at 15, had a baby at 16.
She stuck by my side and helped me raise that baby.

When I got married to Maca it was on the grounds that she was "part and parcel" to getting me. Not sexually-not so much as it would bother me, I wouldn't care, just that didn't come up.

Then here we are today-that baby is now going to be 19 next week and so it goes.
;)

No, she wasn't ever sexually active and none of the children are biologically hers. She has no biological children and has reason to believe she can't have any. However, she's raised all of ours side by side with us and is an integral a part of their lives in a parental capacity as we are.

I don't see why she can't be a poly-fi member of your tribe... why not. It's up to all of you. If thats what fits, then what the heck...

How many girlfriends are we talking here??? :p

heh... ohhhh, lets see, we could of brought that girl home from the bar.... (must do that again!) there's that cute woman that does the maintenance for my building at work,... tells me about her dogs and I pretend I like dogs :cool: there's that woman I have known for years at the pizza place, there is a slight buzz for the woman I went out with last week... or is it because of the conversation? It was so fucking top notch! Maybe it's all in my head.

:D

ya, I think I am done with the description of poly-fi. It just doesn't fit for me and I don't want it. I think I am just fine with whatever... feeling very much the urge to dump all definitions again lately and get on with it.

Hey mono, quit flirting with the mono chics. You have written too much on here for them to believe you now anyways. :p LR, ignore him, he's a bad boy.
 
Hey mono, quit flirting with the mono chics. You have written too much on here for them to believe you now anyways. :p LR, ignore him, he's a bad boy.

I think you meant quit "flirtting with the non-mono chics....they're safe, it's the mono ones ya gotta watch out for....kidding! But you can still smack my ass :p
 
heh... ohhhh, lets see, we could of brought that girl home from the bar.... (must do that again!) there's that cute woman that does the maintenance for my building at work,... tells me about her dogs and I pretend I like dogs :cool: there's that woman I have known for years at the pizza place, there is a slight buzz for the woman I went out with last week... or is it because of the conversation? It was so fucking top notch! Maybe it's all in my head.

Wait, wait, wait ... These ladies sound almost CASUAL, RP!! *shocked and agast!*

:D
 
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