Hi there! I'm just looking for some advice here, and I know someone will be able to help. <3
4 years ago, I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years. I started a relationship with my husband, and married him eventually. We've been happily married for 3 years this coming fall.
My husband came out to me as being poly, and I was so upset. It caused a lot of fights, and me feeling threatened. He kept telling me that he loved other girls. I told him that wasn't okay and I told him that I couldnt share him. I couldnt wrap my head around it. I was scared he was going to cheat on me.
*Note, I was raised in a very religious household, and every holiday is "sit around the table and bash the gays!" or "discuss the sexual sins of others" so, of course, I've been of the mindset that it should be a closed relationship between two people. (Don't care what gender!) My parents never found out about my ex being the same sex as me. I'd also like to have kids in the future, and I have huge qualms with more than 2 parents in a household. (Even though my hubby hates kids and never wants them ever. )
My ex is currently in a relationship with a man whom she loves very dearly. She was my very best friend, and I have thought of her every day. (even though I was the one who broke off our relationship) After my husband and I's fight over him thinking he's poly, we rekindled our relationship. Moreso, she felt that I needed her, and invited me into her home and we hung out like old times. (Playing games, watching movies, drawing, goofing off as usual!) We have been emailing back and forth every day since I left. She confesses that she still has feelings for me, and she flirts with me even still.
I told my husband about all of this flirting. I just felt like it was cheating (even if I never did anything) and he told me to relax and enjoy myself. My husband states that he doesn't feel "threatened" by her, because she isn't male.
I have started to find myself daydreaming of being in a kind of "friends with benefits" relationship with her, and I'm so disgusted with myself. Especially since I had just recently gone off on my husband and how I felt so insecure and like I wasn't good enough if he needed to love more people. My ex says she isnt too sure about her gender, and would like to practice some more "male" roles, but she can only be strictly female in her current relationship. I want her to use me to fill out her male fantasy, but I don't want to cheat on my husband.
I have thought maybe I could compromise, and that maybe (if my husband was interested) he could find a same-sex partner. (I can't tolerate him being with a woman. I don't know if I'm just insecure or what, but I really don't even want to share him at all-- and i know that's totally a double standard, so I'm trying to be kind of open minded here! ) And I just don't know if that's a good idea? What if I mess something up? I love my husband and I don't want to lose him over some stupid fantasy that I have. At the same time, I think it'd be really fun to enjoy the fantasy.
I never plan to share a partner or have my husband share a partner with me.
So, I'm mono as far as I know and I'm just confused and feeling guilty and tearing myself apart because I feel like nothing but a cheater.
Help? ;u;
Thank you!
4 years ago, I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years. I started a relationship with my husband, and married him eventually. We've been happily married for 3 years this coming fall.
My husband came out to me as being poly, and I was so upset. It caused a lot of fights, and me feeling threatened. He kept telling me that he loved other girls. I told him that wasn't okay and I told him that I couldnt share him. I couldnt wrap my head around it. I was scared he was going to cheat on me.
*Note, I was raised in a very religious household, and every holiday is "sit around the table and bash the gays!" or "discuss the sexual sins of others" so, of course, I've been of the mindset that it should be a closed relationship between two people. (Don't care what gender!) My parents never found out about my ex being the same sex as me. I'd also like to have kids in the future, and I have huge qualms with more than 2 parents in a household. (Even though my hubby hates kids and never wants them ever. )
My ex is currently in a relationship with a man whom she loves very dearly. She was my very best friend, and I have thought of her every day. (even though I was the one who broke off our relationship) After my husband and I's fight over him thinking he's poly, we rekindled our relationship. Moreso, she felt that I needed her, and invited me into her home and we hung out like old times. (Playing games, watching movies, drawing, goofing off as usual!) We have been emailing back and forth every day since I left. She confesses that she still has feelings for me, and she flirts with me even still.
I told my husband about all of this flirting. I just felt like it was cheating (even if I never did anything) and he told me to relax and enjoy myself. My husband states that he doesn't feel "threatened" by her, because she isn't male.
I have started to find myself daydreaming of being in a kind of "friends with benefits" relationship with her, and I'm so disgusted with myself. Especially since I had just recently gone off on my husband and how I felt so insecure and like I wasn't good enough if he needed to love more people. My ex says she isnt too sure about her gender, and would like to practice some more "male" roles, but she can only be strictly female in her current relationship. I want her to use me to fill out her male fantasy, but I don't want to cheat on my husband.
I have thought maybe I could compromise, and that maybe (if my husband was interested) he could find a same-sex partner. (I can't tolerate him being with a woman. I don't know if I'm just insecure or what, but I really don't even want to share him at all-- and i know that's totally a double standard, so I'm trying to be kind of open minded here! ) And I just don't know if that's a good idea? What if I mess something up? I love my husband and I don't want to lose him over some stupid fantasy that I have. At the same time, I think it'd be really fun to enjoy the fantasy.
I never plan to share a partner or have my husband share a partner with me.
So, I'm mono as far as I know and I'm just confused and feeling guilty and tearing myself apart because I feel like nothing but a cheater.
Help? ;u;
Thank you!