Personal Summaries

Hi everyone,

I'm Deborah. Glad to have found this site. I'm married to J and in a loving relationship at the same time with P, who is a good friend of J's. Before meeting any of them, I became intimate with S, with whom I have been a friend for 20 years. Looking forward to getting to exchanging thoughts and beliefs about polyamory with all of you
 
Hello

Hi I am a married (currently separated) man. I have been married for 13 years. Until a few days ago I didn't even realize polyamory was a thing! Never came across it. Anyway I found it interesting to read a post somewhere about "coming out" and how it was a situation that caused some level of anxiety, and something clicked for me! You see I have lived with nameless gnawing for many many years! I could relate instantly with what the writer had said. I find it so very difficult to understand only loving one person with the most fascinating form of love that we share!
I have to admit for years I have engaged in physical relationships with a number of others and the few that over the years we have regularly spent time together have become beloved parts of my life.
So I guess my inquiry is this: Is my situation similar to anyone else's? Am I way off on what polyamory is?
Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for responding
 
Hi I am a married (currently separated) man. I have been married for 13 years. Until a few days ago I didn't even realize polyamory was a thing! Never came across it. Anyway I found it interesting to read a post somewhere about "coming out" and how it was a situation that caused some level of anxiety, and something clicked for me! You see I have lived with nameless gnawing for many many years! I could relate instantly with what the writer had said. I find it so very difficult to understand only loving one person with the most fascinating form of love that we share!
I have to admit for years I have engaged in physical relationships with a number of others and the few that over the years we have regularly spent time together have become beloved parts of my life.
So I guess my inquiry is this: Is my situation similar to anyone else's? Am I way off on what polyamory is?
Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for responding

I say in my personal opinion: polyamory is what you and those involved define it as.

The basic definition is: more than 2 people involved in a loving way with each other and with complete knowledge of this. The difference between this and monogamy is only: there are more than 2 people involved and knowing of it.

The rest is up to you and those involved.

You don't have to even 'call' it "polyamory" as I do not think that many "couples" call their relationship "monogamy". It is simply a reference for many.

Glad to help, if you have any more questions feel free to ask: that is what this forum is for. :)
 
hello from Oregon

hi everyone, I am new to poly and learning. I am in a relationship that is very loving and we are exploring poly. Right now we have reached out to a few local poly groups and have attended meetings.We have met some wonderful folks. :)

Cheers,
MP
 
All About Me...mostly me. And a little about others...

I'm C, aka Laerhk. 37, almost 38 years old. I've been married 6.5 years, with J for 10.5. We have 3 girls together, elementary and preschool ages.

I have spent the last 7.5 years coming to terms with being bi. In the meantime a close friend/ex from high school, W have remained close yet on-again/off-again emotionally. (since high school we both moved far away, into seperate states for different reasons). My husband J knew about our friendship (I had asked W to be my Man of Honor) but didnt realize how close W and I were. J didn't really pay any attention to anything the whole time we've been together.

This past year, everything has been brought to a head. Last April, I made the remark to my mom that I was done with my marriage, I just didn't care anymore. I was done trying--having conversations, mostly. We got along fine as long as I didn't ask for anything--help with housework/the kids, opinions and interests, personal thoughts. In August, I reconnected with W again via facebook (we were already friends, but going through off-again) due to a picture he had found of us and shared. Nostalgia kicked in. We started talking all the time, about everything. I was on cloud 9. I told J I was talking with W and didn't get any reaction until W came here to visit for a week, staying with us. After W left, J finally started to engage, though it did take a few more months and me scheduling marital counseling for us, asking for a divorce, etc.

W asked I choose, J is now a full partner...and we've been dealing with my emotions ever since. I want both. W has stopped all communication with me and I STILL want both. I couldn't figure out why choosing was so hard until I realized I didn't have to. They might not (probably NEVER) agree with it, but it's my only solution. Even if our relationship doesn't work out (and I have accepted it won't with W, and it hurts so much. Broken, bleeding heart all over the place) I have decided I can't go through something like this again. I can't turn off love for one, because it affects how I feel, act, and react to others I love and I become angry. I can't do that anymore. So now I'm working on explaining all of this to J so he understands what's going on in my head. I'm also trying to figure out what I want, what J will agree to (he found out I'm bi during all this and girls are okay--not thrilled, but is okay, guys are not), and whether or not we can make it work.

While we have his, hers, and sometimes ours counseling going on, we also (thankful!!) have a friend who is a doctorate of psychology that I talk with sometimes to sort out my feelings. She is the one who named what I was feeling--polyamory--so here I am, to learn, to listen. I'm really excited about this for me, concerned about what it may mean for my current relationship, but it can't get worse than it has been this winter. At least now, no matter what happens, the communication so far has been helpful though painful and difficult and I know J and I are both capable of continuing THAT at least.

Being here on this forum has already helped a lot: I know not to go looking for an elusive unicorn, even though I'm thinking it isn't just a HBB I'm looking for... :)
 
Hello

HI to all,

My wife and I are bi and have been married for 8 fantastic years. We have dated one other person before for just over 2 years and found the poly life to be what we were missing. We look forward to meeting people and being able to be open about who we are without concern of retribution. We look forward to hearing from you.:)
 
Just a Hello :)

Hello everyone. I'm a swf and have tried different types of relationships. I have had the one sided monogamous, been in a relationship with 2 men, relationship where I was the new 3rd party. There are so many terms for everything it makes my head spin. Out of the different arrangements, I enjoyed was happiest and more fulfilled having an open relationship with 2 others. It wasn't really all about sex and we took care of each other. It is a subject that doesn't seem really acceptable to discuss in the real world and seem to keep my views primarily to myself. I feel you can have very successful relationship being "non-monogamous" or polyamorous if everyone is on the same page and communicates. I'm not sure what I hope to gain or meet others in my area. Eventually, for myself personally, I would like to be in a cohabiting, functioning, and committed polyamorous relationship. I also stand firm that there is a big difference dating someone who is with someone else and not open to the other partner (this monogamous cheater) and dating someone who is ok with expanding their relationship to include a 3rd person. (I typed this on my phone so please excuse any missed grammatical errors)

The relationship that was the most interesting: I was seeing 2 men who knew about each other... Each guy was also dating another woman. My 1 guy wanted to meet the other, other said no. I met 1 woman but not the other. This lasted a yr. None of us lived together. I absolved both partnerships for specific reason. Found out one woman actually didn't consent to the relationship which was not part of the rules. The female partner of other man grew crazy jealous and she started stalking me. That guy accused me of being jealous when I addressed the problem with him. Both proving they were not the right partners for me.

I'm glad I found a place I can be open, honest, and finally being able to discuss everything with :)
 
Last edited:
Hello from the Green Mountains

Hi,I'm PP, 37 and I've been married to TT for almost 8 years, we have two great kids, chickens, a couple dogs and lots of gardens. We fairly recently opened our relationship sexually and found a whole new world. What started as something almost purely sexual turned to a great awakening for both of us as to what we want and need in a relationship. It has been a process that if nothing else has expanded our communication like never before. With my last partner I realized that I could love more then one man at a time and that I wanted to. So I opened up that conversation with my husband and has lead to more great communication. Unfortunately (for me) that relationship ended because he is much more mono and found a woman he wanted to date. So I'm now trying to find a man who is interested in being more then a sexual extra. All the while expanding my understanding of myself, my husband and our relationship. This is a wild and awesome ride :) I have been lurking here for a month or so but thought it was time to introduce myself and I hope to meet like minded people here who enjoy being able to talk freely about all of this. A quick and dirty intro, forgive any mistakes.
PP, 37, straight female
TT, 32, husband, straight
 
Hi everybody!

I’m a 30 year old female, living in Germany. I’ve been monogamous my entire life but I can’t say that I am programmed this way. When my husband asked me to marry him, everyone around me was getting divorced, mostly because of communication issues and cheating situations. That's when I found out about polyamory. There was suddenly a new perspective on relationships, one that none of us knew about. My husband is monogamous and we did marry eventually but it was the openness of multiple loves that helped me approach my own relationship with more generosity. I know that whatever I do is my choice and I try to be open with my partner as well as with myself. My interest in polyamory is still alive and I’m exploring it in my profession. I’m a film director, currently preparing a feature documentary about this. I hope to find people that want to share their emotional story with the rest of us.
Thanks all for sharing your thoughts.
 
Introduce Myself

Hello,
I go by EvilKnight. Alias I have had for a few decades. Kind of an oxymoron of the white knight motif. I divorced a few years ago and have recently been doing the online dating sites (OKC: EvilKnight also). I typically skip profiles espousing polyamory. They mostly struck me as sounding too aloof about relationships. Might have just been avoiding the worst of bad messaging...

Anyway, I did read one that sounded sweet and had a nice question of my views. I struck up a conversation and now find myself dating and developing a relationship with a poly woman. I have met her husband and significant other and they are nice guys. I find myself not put off by the situation. It seems like it could be complicated especially for the people juggling the concerns of multiple partners. I do like the openness and communication that is actively maintained. It can feel very contractual and business-like at times :).

I am here to explore and see how people make it work.

Sincerely,
EK
 
Polycouple NL

Hi. We are a couple who want start our adventure with poly relationship. We are very open and spontaneous people, who love contact with others :)We are happily married for four years. We love each other and understand each other perfectly. We are able to communicate in all circumstances. We are full of energy and we love life. We try to take from each day this what is the best and just be happy.
We are looking for people similar to us. Cheerful, smiling and open person.
We do not have experience in a polygamous relationship but we feel that we can bestow a feeling to someone else.
 
Hello Everyone! :D

My moniker is Sablesjade (I name a created for myself a long time ago) and I live in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. I live with my spouse whose moniker is Niel and we have been together for almost 3 1/2 years, but we have known each other for well over a decade. Niel has always been polyamorous (and bisexual) but has never had the chance to explore the polyamory relationship side. I am poly curious (and bi curious), as I didn't even know what it was until I met my spouse. We have always talked about engaging in threesomes and what not, and only just recently started talking about trying to find a third or another couple for permanent relations. I recently developed feelings for one of our friends and realized that I may be polyamorous as well. We are both new to this so we are looking to talk and meet people who will not judge us, share experiences and point us in the right direction. Niel does not enjoy doing the whole forum thing, so it will just be myself posting in here. If you want to know anything else, please don't hesitate to ask! :)
Thank you so much for reading! I hope to make lots of new friends, and hopefully find other Calgarians as well! ;)
 
Hello from the Mono in a Mono/Poly Relationship

Hello! I'm LadyEm. I'm a thirtysomething living in San Francisco with my husband, Kid #1, and baby-to-be. My husband and I opened up our marriage a little over a year ago. We were high school sweethearts and will be married for 11 years this month.

Our open marriage discussions started several years ago, when he was traveling a lot for work and I was pregnant with our first kid. Being high school sweethearts neither of us had ever even kissed another person, so it was a big idea. But he's a social butterfly night owl, and my reclusive let's-just-chill-at-home-tonight-every-night personality sort of made him feel caged.

We started out swinging, which just wasn't for me. It wasn't the sex, it was the late-night lifestyle. I'm an early bird, and going to parties where the action doesn't even start until after midnight just did not do well for my physical and mental well-being. Plus, we have a toddler, and guess who gets to wake up every morning at 6:30? Yeah, that wasn't working.

After I dropped out of the swinging scene, he started dating other women. At first it was just casual, but he found he really liked the emotional connection of a relationship. A few months ago, he met a really sweet, wonderful girl, K, who he really clicked with, and she became his "girlfriend." None of us was really looking for this type of relationship, but we sort of fell into it.

Now I'm trying to grapple with being a mono in a mono/poly relationship. It's an emotional roller coaster, and I never know what the next day will bring. I completely agree with the philosophy that it is possible to love more than one person and that love begets more love, but since I haven't yet been in more than one relationship I struggle with being the "odd one out" in a poly relationship. I have been trying to reach out to local support groups since I don't have anyone in my life I can talk to about our situation except for DH and K. Sometimes you just need a third (fourth?) perspective, you know?

Anyway, normally I'm a pretty positive and happy person but I'm just going through a tough transition to this new "normal". Any advice, resources, or support is greatly appreciated!

One thing, I identify now as mono, but I don't think that it's, like, a permanent thing. I would like to date and make friends and have other relationships, but right now with my "being in a family way" (5 months along as of this post) I just don't see that as safe or possible. Maybe in a year or two once I'm back to my "fighting weight" I might break out in the scene. The beauty of life is you make your own opportunities!
 
Dyads and triads and quads, Oooohhhh my!

I'm learning all sorts of new terms and phrases... If you're comfortable, please share what sort of polyamorous relationships work for you AND which don't. Do you know why that is?
 
This could also help you out a bit: Glossary and Definitions

Dyad - a relationship between two people within a poly arrangement
For example, my polycule is a Vee, and there are three dyads:
  • me + CJ - we are married (with romance and sex and all that)
  • me + Mark - we are romantically and sexually involved with each other
  • CJ + Mark - they are in friendly terms, not involved with each other romantically or sexually
Triad - a relationship with three people where everyone is romantically involved with each other

Quad - a poly arrangement with four people, most often two pre-existing couples who "couple up" together.
 
Hello world!

Hi Alan here. New to this forum and Polamory. Suzanna (my 'legal wife' of 33 years) and I have BOTH fallen in love with a lady and have (although not legal) exchanged vows and rings. So in our eyes, the three of us are married.
I also love another lady (everyone knows about it), but thats more complicated as she is in a marriage and although there is no 'relationship' and hasn't been for years, they won't split until the kids are older.
Anne (the new partner) is about the same age as us and we are buying a new house to all move into. The house we have now is big enough but it is felt that it is how Suzanna and I want it and Anne feels that she wont be able to make an imprint on it.
We were thinking of moving anyway so no problem.
Absolutely no jealousy at all. Yes we are 'over the honeymoon period lol'.
So lots to do and families to 'inform'. We are doing that in stages and so far so good! There is always a question of just how much you bother to tell a 90year old mother in law!
Looking forward to getting opinions and advice on various subjects and practical advice on things.
We ARE all swingers, but to be honest we are 'easing off on that for now' as we are very happy the three of us. So it may be an occasional thing.
Alan
 
I'm learning all sorts of new terms and phrases... If you're comfortable, please share what sort of polyamorous relationships work for you AND which don't. Do you know why that is?

We are in what we refer to ourselves as a quad.
We were two couples who had been friends for several years when the next thing you know, we started having feelings for each other.

In our situation (borrowing some of Nadya's definition:)):

me + S - we are married (with romance and sex and all that)

A + M - they are married with romance and sex and all that.

me + M - romantically and sexually involved with each other

A + S - romantically and sexually involved with each other

me + A - my female best friend and sexually involved on occasion

M + S - best of friends, act like brothers, but not sexually or romantically involved in any capacity.

We did not identify as poly and we were not looking for anyone(s) to add to our marriage. Our situation grew organically out of friendship. I guess you would call us polyfidelitous? Meaning we are a closed group not looking to add anymore to our group.

Welcome to the board! :)
 
Hi all. I'm a dominant male, married with a baby. I was previously interested in the cuckold lifestyle; in fact I currently am running two cuckold affairs (both husbands know about me, and in fact are submissive to me).

But now my tastes and needs are changing. I'm interested in establishing a poly household. I decided to start writing here in order to explore my needs, and articulate what they are before pursuing them.

I am 46, and extremely interested in bringing another woman into my household, and having another child with her. My wife and I are getting ready to get her pregnant again. Yet I feel this inexorable need to have more children—many more children.

I was single before I married for the first time in 2013. My wife is currently 24, and she is very happy with our life. So am I. I love her, and adore our child.

But I need more.
 
I am in a long term committed relationship with Azorkane.
He is "dating" (for lack of a better word) Amber.
Amber spends a lot of time at our house and she and I have become close.

So I guess we're kinda in a triad - no one is having sex with Amber - but we'd all like to (waiting on tests). She spends a lot of nights at our house - snuggles all around :)
 
Back
Top