Just LR

I'm not in the space to describe it-
but Spicy Pea had her baby.

GG stayed home and had Sweet Pea's bday party and took care of the kids for the two days we were gone with that. Then watched them yesterday while we slept.

Maca came home and told GG thank you, got all choked up.

;)

I love my family.
 
36 years today. Hmmm. Not sure that is a big deal, but it's some sort of accomplishment anyway. :)
It certainly doesn't bother me, which sometimes results in me wondering if there is something wrong with me. These age milestones that people get all hung up over... don't do that to me... :rolleyes:

My little one has taken to gently running her fingers down my cheek and saying, "mommy, you are so my sweetie pie!" I love that.

Last night my oldest one had her dad drive her to the store so she could buy me a birthday card. In it she wrote that she was so thankful for me, she couldn't do it without me. So sweet. :) That means so much.
 
I couldn't do one more day of sitting around while everyone watched movies. It's one of my pet peeves. Not watching a movie, but watching movies (or anything else) instead of living real life. It's no different than a drunk or a drug addict. When the "imaginary world" becomes a more significant part of your life than the REAL world-there's a problem-a "runaway from life" problem.

When it's drugs, alcohol, porn, it gets labeled addiction. But, when it's simply "entertainment" and you're still holding down a good job, keeping the grades up in school.... well that's just different.

Except... is it? Is it different than an addiction if it's ruining your personal relationships because you're too busy running away to the imaginary world to put the necessary time into the real life relationships to keep them maintained?

I don't think so.

Last night-I left all of the kids at home watching more movies with Maca. I went and hung out with friends (GG was away with his own friends).

Today, I had a talk (instigated by a rude little conversation the boys had with Mimi) with the "family" and specifically the boys.

1. Both boys were very adamant about spending 14 hours (14yo) and 21 hours (11 yo) a week "maintaining" their family relationships.

2. Both said that they personally believed that movies and video games were a detractor from building/maintaining relationships.

3. They both individually concluded that they believed that they needed to spend at least 5-6 hours a day focused on their relationships with the family in order to maintain them TO THE LEVEL THAT THEY EACH WOULD LIKE THEM TO BE AT.

In other words, they aren't happy with where their relationships are and they have a good idea what is needed to reach the level that they do want.... so where's the breakdown?

They both admitted, the breakdown was that they were lazy about doing the "easy quick fix" (watching movies and/or playing video games) instead of taking the time to do the things (they said "any physical activity that motivates us to talk") with the rest of the people in the family that would get them WHAT THEY WANT-by maintaining their relationships.

They were even able to say (without provocation) that they knew that when I was bitching about them playing the games or watching the movies it was because it bothered me that they weren't getting what THEY WANT out of their relationships with the rest of us.....

So.... I can't help but wonder, did it impact the thought processess of any of the other adults? This fact that the kids KNOW the relationships suck and WANT closer relationships with the whole family AND know that the gaming and movie watching is impeding their progress?

:rolleyes:
 
I know that feeling! I get to the point where if I even HEAR the word movie I want to scream!
 
I admire you LR I gave up (have given up)with some of our tribe through the teenage years. Primarily because I actually don't want to spend time with them, it's just not worth it and seems like a lose, lose for me. I might get their company but it's not company that in their present evolutionary state I enjoy being around. Better to leave them in front of a screen and pick them up again around 19- 20. (I know it shouldn't be like that but I only have so much energy).

I do agree with the addiction thing though. Computer games are Z's drug of choice and dare I say that I'm starting to think his OSO falls into that category as well. I know I just threw in a boulder to your blog. This is part of our issue at the moment so can you please respond to it (if you want to) on the struggling mono thread.

xxThanks
 
Hey Sage,

There are many days-the last two weeks for example- when I just bail and leave them with the tv for precisely that reason. Teenagers and two year olds aren't my forte!

I'll go read the other blog. Hope I can be of some help, but I'll warn in advance, I'm a struggling poly right now. :(
 
I just got an email from daughter no.2 (I love the way you've named your peas by the way, trying to think of a way to do that for our tribe).

She'll be 20 in May. From the age of about 12 until now she's been in a virtual gaga-land. The gist of the email "I love you mum, you're the best mum in the world, my childhood was perfect, I've only realised since you moved away...I'm sorry I was so mean to you when you split with dad... I miss you so much...and on...and on it went" I've created a folder for "Very special emails". They do come right, in the meantime maybe in front of a screen is the best place for them
 
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Pretty much it is.

I love Maca.
I believe that he loves me.

But-he can't handle his emotions. They come over him and just steamroll through like a trainwreck.

I can't help, I don't know how. It's really that simple-I would, but I don't know how. I've been trying, it's only getting worse.

It's not even REALLY polyamory or GG that is a problem. Every breath could be the trigger because he just has so many fears and insecurities raging around unleashed inside of him.

I don't know.

I'm not giving up on him, I'm not giving up on us, I don't believe that he is either.
But, at the same time, there has to be some damage control.

Right now I really wish I had a bike and could just put a helmet on and go for a long, windy ride.
 
Awww, crap. That reminds me of my ex so much. His low self esteem killed our marriage. It's so frustrating. My sympathies, LR.
 
Ok, accomplishment.

Today I took the placement test at the college. That gave me the information I need in order to register for my class this summer. The information from the test won't be updated into their computer system til tomorrow or the next day. But, as soon as it's in their computer I can register to take my English class. ;)

One more step towards my goal to return to school knocked out. :)
 
Maca has moved out. Last night was rough-but I got through it. GG held me through nightmares and bizarre dreams-ever patient.

Today I awoke to a foot of fresh snowfall. BLECH.

BUT-I didn't let that stop me. I got the tax papers together, got my ass in the car and headed out. :)

In the process I reconnected with a friend whose been out of my life for 14 years. I missed him. We talked, well, I talked-he listened. He got me the book I need to study for math (he had a copy in his office) and offered that any Saturday if I need help, I can go by his place and he'll help me with the math.
We made plans to go out dancing sometime.
(not a date, "just friends")

I dropped the tax papers off.
Finalized paperwork approving me to be a daycare provider for the new grandbaby.
Bought groceries.
Got my math book.
Got signed up for my summer English class.

:)
 
I had those kind of dreams while my husband and I were separating.

I've just finished a guest post for another blog in the niche of my main blog (not poly people). She wanted my story, (not the poly one). It brought up for me feelings I had prior to my marriage breakup. I always saw myself in a cage and couldn't figure out how to get out. Now I realise that cage was only ever made of one thing - my own fears.

Blessings, love and light to you LR, may you be all that your forum name implies.
xxx
 
He got me the book I need to study for math (he had a copy in his office) and offered that any Saturday if I need help, I can go by his place and he'll help me with the math.
We made plans to go out dancing sometime.
(not a date, "just friends")
Going out dancing is definitely useful for learning maths. And no, that isn't meant to be flippant. I grew up in a house where dancing was a sin... and look at the first quote I chose for my signature. AFAIC (does that one exist yet? As far as I'm concerned) dancing is definitely useful for living.

I'm sorry that Maca is having such a problem with his emotions and that you, too, are being steamrollered.

I'm about to be thrown out of here until next week, but I didn't want to leave without sending you
warm, warm Love.​
I'll be thinking about you...

p.s. "just" is such a funny word. "Just LR" - but isn't that enough? "just friends" - but isn't that "just" what you need right now?

Dancing with you in my dreams,
J
 
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