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Old 03-26-2011, 02:55 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,732

This seems like a situation where the primary relationship was not working well and there was not a solid foundation to begin with. I think it rather naive to think that moving a person in because you need the money and are in NRE is a valid option. Still, its not like we haven't seen it hear before. It happens all the time it seems. Not wise I don't think, but a lesson learned I would hope. Now time to move forward and fix what is broken?

So how to be constructive and productive. I think if this were me I would go and get a job, pay for her first months rent, find her a place to live, help her move with a smile and then say good bye for 6 months while she establishes herself. Then, if there is still a reason for either of you to contact her, start again.

In the mean time I would not add partners to my life at all... embrace new loves as whole and independent people that can take care of themselves maybe, but only after a whole lot of getting a foundation that is sustainable, complete with ideas on what to do if the relationship dynamic is not working out...

Also I would divide the house hold chores down the middle and get on working on self esteem and self worth... some of that I think might be tied to feeling of martyrdom? Just a guess. I have a mother that plays the martyr when things are not going her way... could be wrong about that, but I sense some whining and I would wonder what that is about and how it is serving you...

This is all what I would do of course and I am not you. Take what you want and leave what you want. It's up to you. To me it would produce a life that is both happy and full of strong relationships based on high self esteem and good boundaries.... again, this is just what works for me. good luck.
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