vandalin
New member
Every two weeks or so...
Well it seems that about every two weeks or so I start getting all weird and emotional about this whole "affair". Maybe it is my hormones after all.
So we all got together this last Saturday at Bristol and for all intents and purposes had a good time. We (Elric and I) had a little bit of time to just us and we had a little bit of talk, but the bigger conversation happened later.
But first, I did find it strange that he went off by himself a couple times, once for almost 45 minutes. He didn't really have much of a reason as Cajun was chasing after our daughter most of the day and not with us really and my mom was also not with us. We did have two other friends with us, one who did his own thing or hung out with Cajun and the other who happened to arrive at the same time as Elric and hung out with he and I. I did ask Elric about his walking off and all he said was that he hadn't really thought about it until a little later when he thought he could be doing this with me instead. Well duh!
But the time that we had to ourselves was great! We chatted and flirted a bit, I challenged him twice to archery where we both won once, we talked a little about serious stuff and just had a nice time being together. There was even a semi-intimate moment which still makes my heart and stomach flutter.
So, bigger conversation... Elric joined Cajun, baby, mom and I for dinner afterwards and I drove with Elric. At first the drive was ok, a little playful banter, which is good and then silence. Surprisingly, he asked me what was up as I was so quiet. I asked him if he was afraid of me (psycho ex-girlfriend thing) or afraid of being around me. He admitted that he was a little afraid, but not of my going weird, but of how he feels. He admitted that he still is very attracted to me and that part of him, his baser part as he says, keeps telling him to go ahead. But this other part keeps saying "SHE'S MARRIED!".
We actually started getting somewhere with this conversation. It was a real give and take conversation where we were both talking calmly and rationally and no one was getting all emotional or taking over...until we got to the restaurant and my mom called to see how long we would be. We probably would have sat there for awhile just to get stuff out, but I/we couldn't keep them waiting especially since mom doesn't know (although I know she suspects something and I really should have a chat with her, but at this point I don't know what to really tell her or what I need to tell her).
I wanted to talk to him again, I had a lot that I wanted to say and ask and talk about but Sunday we were both exhausted and I had no privacy, so we said Monday. Well we didn't get home until 10:30 and I didn't get online till 11:30 and he was getting ready to crash so he promised Tuesday. I started getting sick yesterday and so sent him a message around 10:45 and apparently he didn't get online till almost midnight. So now we are at today. I have yet to hear from him in any way and I find that depressing in itself. He got my message so a note saying "ok" or "sorry to hear you are feeling crappy" would have been nice...but nothing! And he hasn't been on yet tonight either and I know I'm being self-centered or paranoid when I say this but I wonder if he's "going ninja" and trying to avoid me and the conversation.
On a positive note though, he told me that he had a date Friday night which led to sex and surprisingly I didn't really have a problem with that, well the sex at least. I do feel envious of the time he spent with her, and it was strange that when he told me, the first part (date) gave me a gut pang, but the second didn't. I suppose that could be construed as a good thing, yes?
Now I just want to talk to him again. We were finally getting past the awkwardness and talking again, not just about us but about life and things in general. I know you will probably say, he's probably just busy/tired again like last time, and part of me knows that this is probably true, but that doesn't help unfortunately, I still miss my friend very much, and I miss my almost lover even more, how could I not when he admits to wanting to be with me!
Vent vent vent vent vent... gush gush gush gush gush
Thanks for reading y'all. I should probably get ready for bed as it is 12:40 and I am tired and still recouping, slight dehydration most likely, although I want to stay up for a while longer to see if he shows... waiting for that phone call anyone? Is that pathetic or what?
Well it seems that about every two weeks or so I start getting all weird and emotional about this whole "affair". Maybe it is my hormones after all.
So we all got together this last Saturday at Bristol and for all intents and purposes had a good time. We (Elric and I) had a little bit of time to just us and we had a little bit of talk, but the bigger conversation happened later.
But first, I did find it strange that he went off by himself a couple times, once for almost 45 minutes. He didn't really have much of a reason as Cajun was chasing after our daughter most of the day and not with us really and my mom was also not with us. We did have two other friends with us, one who did his own thing or hung out with Cajun and the other who happened to arrive at the same time as Elric and hung out with he and I. I did ask Elric about his walking off and all he said was that he hadn't really thought about it until a little later when he thought he could be doing this with me instead. Well duh!
But the time that we had to ourselves was great! We chatted and flirted a bit, I challenged him twice to archery where we both won once, we talked a little about serious stuff and just had a nice time being together. There was even a semi-intimate moment which still makes my heart and stomach flutter.
So, bigger conversation... Elric joined Cajun, baby, mom and I for dinner afterwards and I drove with Elric. At first the drive was ok, a little playful banter, which is good and then silence. Surprisingly, he asked me what was up as I was so quiet. I asked him if he was afraid of me (psycho ex-girlfriend thing) or afraid of being around me. He admitted that he was a little afraid, but not of my going weird, but of how he feels. He admitted that he still is very attracted to me and that part of him, his baser part as he says, keeps telling him to go ahead. But this other part keeps saying "SHE'S MARRIED!".
We actually started getting somewhere with this conversation. It was a real give and take conversation where we were both talking calmly and rationally and no one was getting all emotional or taking over...until we got to the restaurant and my mom called to see how long we would be. We probably would have sat there for awhile just to get stuff out, but I/we couldn't keep them waiting especially since mom doesn't know (although I know she suspects something and I really should have a chat with her, but at this point I don't know what to really tell her or what I need to tell her).
I wanted to talk to him again, I had a lot that I wanted to say and ask and talk about but Sunday we were both exhausted and I had no privacy, so we said Monday. Well we didn't get home until 10:30 and I didn't get online till 11:30 and he was getting ready to crash so he promised Tuesday. I started getting sick yesterday and so sent him a message around 10:45 and apparently he didn't get online till almost midnight. So now we are at today. I have yet to hear from him in any way and I find that depressing in itself. He got my message so a note saying "ok" or "sorry to hear you are feeling crappy" would have been nice...but nothing! And he hasn't been on yet tonight either and I know I'm being self-centered or paranoid when I say this but I wonder if he's "going ninja" and trying to avoid me and the conversation.
On a positive note though, he told me that he had a date Friday night which led to sex and surprisingly I didn't really have a problem with that, well the sex at least. I do feel envious of the time he spent with her, and it was strange that when he told me, the first part (date) gave me a gut pang, but the second didn't. I suppose that could be construed as a good thing, yes?
Now I just want to talk to him again. We were finally getting past the awkwardness and talking again, not just about us but about life and things in general. I know you will probably say, he's probably just busy/tired again like last time, and part of me knows that this is probably true, but that doesn't help unfortunately, I still miss my friend very much, and I miss my almost lover even more, how could I not when he admits to wanting to be with me!
Vent vent vent vent vent... gush gush gush gush gush
Thanks for reading y'all. I should probably get ready for bed as it is 12:40 and I am tired and still recouping, slight dehydration most likely, although I want to stay up for a while longer to see if he shows... waiting for that phone call anyone? Is that pathetic or what?