"Stop me if you've heard this one" - clichés we've heard from non-polys

Thanks for the quoting instructions MFFR

Firstly I didn't say ALL monos feel this way. I was giving it as an answer to your question about why people can't understand how you can love more than one person.

Interesting that you read my post and can say things like 'co-dependence' and "women who love too much'. I've had monos tell me that I'm 'just not that into Z' because I can 'stand' to let him have another love. Of course they also question whether he's 'that into me'.

Tonberry I deliberately didn't extend the quote to cover interchangeability. I do get that and I do understand how you could be offended.
Dear Sage,
No offence meant, believe me! It took me about half an hour to write you the PM with tips on how to quote because it was about 4:40am after a day of many-mistakes hitch-hiking and a week of sleeping VERY few hours each night. I kept dozing off at the keyboard and having to read through the PM each time I woke up again, trying to work out what in hell I was trying to say...

I wrote my last comment on this thread JUST before that, so you can imagine that my brain wasn't at its fittest.

I didn't mean to apply that you have a particularly serious problem, but the way you describe the intensity of your suffering (is it like this every time Z is away?) compared to what I feel is rather pronounced. (And I repeat that I wonder if there isn't something not-very-healthy about the low level of my libido [though 2 women have remarked on - I believe that one said that she was somewhat scared by - my "intensity": the strength of my feelings].)

I think that - for me - if I suffered as much as you describe (searching the bed all night for a lover I knew wasn't there, wanting to rip someone's clothes off after an absence of 2 weeks) I would be worried.
 
I didn't mean I personally 'suffer' like this all the time. In fact it was actually Z who text me this morning (he is away) and said he had tried to find me in the bed all night. But I don't sleep well away from him either. What I was trying to convey is that this depth of feeling is what our culture holds up as the ultimate relationship. And even though it may be a cultural thing the feelings are very real. Maybe we should be asking which came first the feelings or the cultural expectation?

When I left my husband I wanted a great relationship, I felt like I'd experienced just about everything else. At that time I didn't consider myself Mono but once I fell in love with Z I developed all the classic mono feelings and I've had to work my way through them. We are very connected and I consider it a very healthy relationship. I've had an unhealthy relationship so I think I know the difference.

You really don't have to keep yourself awake at night to answer my posts. :)
 
"Wouldn't it just be easier to screw around like everyone else??"
Easier? Probably. More fulfilling? No way!

This one kills me! Why should we all sneak and lie and such when it is not necessary? Lying is bad. My momma taught me that!
 
Lying is bad, but some people would have you believe that telling the truth is worse! :p

Nope. Tried that bit once, it failed dramatically :) Truth is much easier to manage.
 
"[My boyfriend's] being a cheating, lying selfish hound dog (apologies to those with four legs and floppy ears!) and you're better off without him. "

"I'd say [my boyfriend and his secondary] are both pond scum. Since they deserve each other anyhow, why not let 'em go have at it? Then, find yourself a new bf and bff, and make sure they know all about how wonderful they are, once you do. "

"I think he's looking for an excuse to cheat."

Just some of the things people said when I came out on another forum. :mad:
 
No new quotes from non-polys to report just now, but it's a shame that this thread has lain around inactive for so long. Newbies won't know that it exists, oldbies will have forgotten about it. So I'd like to kick-start it again. There are some "great" (hard-to-believe as well as we've-all-heard-that-one) anti-poly quotes already on here which may amuse those of you that haven't read them, and there are some great (not sarcastic this time) replies to them.

Me, I'd like to read some new ones! :(:eek::mad::):D:cool::p;)... also:confused:
 
This I heard recently:

"I don't consider it a relationship if it is that open."

So apparently living together, co-owning a house and sharing everyday life does not count as a "relationship". I am seldom wordless but that time I did not find anything to say.
 
My aunt posted the Johnny Depp quote: “if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second.” on her FB.

It angered me. (BUT I am not "out" to her...so how could she know? And whothefuck appointed Johnny-fucking-Depp as a relationship expert?)

Seriously?! I have loved my husband for more than 2 decades...I love him more and more all of the time (every day and every year). He loves me through the fucking ROOF and I appreciate that - people (strangers) COMMENT on how much the love we have for each other is evident in our every interaction.

And yet. 19 YEARS after I "fell in love" for the first time...it happened again! For the second time IN MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE - and I am "supposed" to CHOOSE?!?! Fuck. That. Shit. (So, That Happened...over 5 years ago...and strangers STILL comment on how obvious it is that we are "in love" regardless of which boy I am with :p)


*****

PS. I get similar reactions when I ID as "bisexual". I must be "confused" or "experimenting" - REALLY?!? for 24 years?!?

*****

PPS. To the "have your cake and eat it too" crowd - What is the point of having cake if you can't fucking eat it? (Although cake is not my thing, so I substitute "STEAK" in that quote.)
 
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JaneQSmythe, your post had me laughing all the way through.
And whothefuck appointed Johnny-fucking-Depp as a relationship expert?)
Johnny must be an expert: he makes an average of US$82,191 per day* to play (mostly) romantic leads. (God! I won't have made that much in my whole life, no matter how long I live. I guess that I must know nothing about true love. Sigh!)

FYI, Google results for "Johnny Depp": 51,800,000 (some of which must be positive, surely?)
Google results for Johnny-fucking-Depp: ONLY 473,000. This includes entries where the hyphens were missing.
So, I'm afraid that you're outnumbered, Jane! ;)

* That's 95c every second... even while he's sleeping. Even while he's sleeping in the middle of a holiday.
PS. I get similar reactions when I ID as "bisexual". I must be "confused" or "experimenting" - REALLY?!? for 24 years?!?
This is what is known as an "on-going experiment" aka an "in-depth study". I advise you to apply for a scientific grant.
 
My aunt posted the Johnny Depp quote: “if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second.” on her FB.
By this reasoning, every mother should get rid of her partner as soon as she falls in love with their new-born child. And get rid of the first-born when the 2nd is born... and so on and on.

Well, Johnny did get rid of Vanessa Paradis, but is still smitten with their daughter.

p.s. Why would your aunt take the trouble to post a specifically anti-open-relationship quote on her Facebook profile? Either she's a die-hard Depp fan, swooning over every utterance of his, or... hmmm... Are you sure that she doesn't suspect? :confused::confused::confused:
 
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To the "have your cake and eat it too" crowd - What is the point of having cake if you can't fucking eat it? (Although cake is not my thing, so I substitute "STEAK" in that quote.)
A lot of people get confused by that saying and think it means you can't eat the cake, but that's not it. It makes more sense if you reverse it:

You want to eat your cake and have it, too.

IOW, you still want to hold onto the thing you just gobbled up, you want to enjoy its flavors but hold onto it and not let it disappear.

I guess when they say that about polyfolk, they probably mean, you want to be married/partnered (eat cake) but still act like you're single (have it, too).
 
"People who are in poly relationships are just not that into their partner. When you really love someone, you want to be with JUST them"

:confused: Sigh.


Another one: I am friends with several other poly women. One night a group of us were sitting together, and one vulnerably expresses her jealousy regarding a situation with her metamour. Of course, a mono friend in the group pipes up with

"See! THIS is why poly doesn't work."

I was so angry after that one, I gave her the "poly doesn't mean you are immune from hard feelings, but it does mean you consciously work through them! Poly is hard work - personal growth - lots of communication and honestly. It doesn't mean you don't ever feel jealous or insecure!" Grrr :mad:

She continued to wax on about how poly relationships "are all destined for failure, and that SOMEONE in the relationship always ends up getting hurt."

Boo. :(


And another, the one that really bugs me:


We are out to my family. My sister-in-law cannot wrap her head around polyamory, and insists that my partner and I are swingers. I have explained to her over and over that we are NOT swingers, and that there is a difference. She doesn't get it and doesn't care to try. She calls us swingers and insists we are. Twice now we have been at house parties with her where she has embarrassed us.

We were talking and laughing with people we just met about normal things like work or music or something (not at all sexual!), when she walks up with a drink in hand and "jokingly" says something like "Watch out! These guys are swingers, and they are out swinging! Are you swinging right now? Is this what it looks like? Careful or they'll try to get you into bed! Ha ha ha!" and then wanders away. It always makes things super uncomfortable and awkward.

We've stopped going to her parties because she is so rude and disrespectful. I have explained to her that we have never gone swinging and likely never will, but she just tunes it out and insists she is right. (She is a toxic human in general and this is only one example of how she behaves super inappropriately)
 
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I am friends with several other poly women. One night a group of us were sitting together, and one vulnerably expresses her jealousy regarding a situation with her metamour. Of course, a mono friend in the group pipes up with

"See! THIS is why poly doesn't work."
How about pointing to a mono couple of your acquaintance who have split up or are having HEAVY problems (or - failing this - any famous mono couple [most recently mentioned on this thread are Depp/Paradis, but you'll have NO trouble finding others]) and saying "See! THIS is why mono doesn't work." ?

(She is a toxic human in general and this is only one example of how she behaves super inappropriately)
Toxic people like this enjoy being toxic. If "this is only one example of how she behaves super inappropriately", she might not really have anything against poly at all: she just enjoys being nasty, believing that she's being witty.

Try not to let it bother you. It's her problem. Toxic people are rarely happy. You are right to not accept any more invitations from her. Try to avoid her as much as possible. If she taunts you for doing this (also a toxic habit), say something like "I think that you're unwell. I don't want to catch whatever it is that you've got." (If she doesn't taunt you, just let it lay. Don't provoke: just defend.)
 
"You just want to have your Kate and Edith too!" ;)
 
I was thinking about the cake thing when blogging this morning.

For me, being in love is a lot like having cake and eating it too. I always feel like I'm devouring my lover with all of my senses at once. And yet...they're still there. Not diminished one little bit even as I feel full and gloriously saturated with their energy.

Most recently...

"So it must be pretty casual, huh?"

I can't think of any others we haven't heard a million times...
 
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