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Old 09-28-2009, 12:33 AM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Right here. Right now.
Posts: 652

Thanks for clarifying your thoughts, Chase. If I came across as being harsh to you, please forgive me. I got some wrong impressions of what you wanted and were willing to do, and I apologize.

Now that I understand a little better where you're coming from, I have some ideas you may wish to consider.

I am naturally shy myself, so I know how difficult it can be to open up to someone in a way that is new and unfamiliar. It is a risk: the person could reject you, or see you in an unfavorable light, etc. I completely understand; I feel ya, Bro. Here's the thing: you can never know what might be until you take the leap. And you cannot reach out for a new future and simultaneously hold on to the present.

But you don't have to do it all at once. In most friendships, including romantic ones, people get to know each other gradually, bit by bit. And it is natural that as the friendship deepens, so does one's knowledge and understanding of the other person. For example: I have a friend who has a skin condition most people don't know about as she wears long sleeves and pants, and a hat when she's outside. I learned about the condition one day after I had known her several months, because I was at her house hanging out and she wore short sleeves. By then she knew me well enough to be comfortable with me and that she could trust me not to freak out or be weird about it. I did ask her some questions, which she answered. And then we moved on. No big deal. She told me, much MUCH later, that it had been a really big deal to her at the time.

The fact that you are drawn to polyamory is just one of the many things that the people who grow to know you well will learn about you, if/when you choose to open up that part of yourself.

My best advice is to be yourself, honestly and authentically. Don't hide who you are and what you want, but don't feel like you have to blurt out sensitive information all at once. Go slow. Breathe. Be who you really are. That's plenty good enough for anyone!
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