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Old 06-21-2010, 11:55 PM
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idealist idealist is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
Posts: 545

Welcome Matilda. Sorry you are hurting!!
I have a few comments.

Originally Posted by Matilda View Post
I waited for Mister Right. I 'kept' myself for marriage, and even though I was really popular and funny and bright and pretty, I always declined the boyfriend/dating thing, because I wanted to meet "the One" and halve the fairytale. When I found him, and was absolutely sure he was "the One" we got married and started a family. My first, true, only love.
The issue with this is that you based your expectations of what life would be like for you on a fairytale. Fairytales are not real.

I'm going to re-post a quote by Ariakas below because he said it well and it applies here, I believe.

On a side note, and only something I have observed on occasion. The mono in a married couple with one side going poly has an uphill battle. The thing I have observed, and this isn't always the case, is that the mono tends to be too reliant on the partnership instead of realizing there are other relationships out there. So many I have seen online, have no friends outside of the monogamous relationship. This creates a real problem when the poly person starts going out. They are so dependent on the relationship that they feel loneliness. They start to go out and build other friendships and that helps. But then what? While processing their partner being poly they could possibly process it for themselves. I wonder how things would be for them if they had a social life outside of the monogamous relationship, if they had friends to lean on in and weren't so dependent on the primary relationship.

It also leaves me wondering, how many poly identified people go poly because of that dependency. They do it as a fantasy or escape from being the "one and only"...thats a craptastic amount of pressure to put on one person.
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.
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