So, uh, hi there. This may be a small novel of an introduction, as there's a fair bit of history to cover, but if anyone would be willing to read it and offer some advice or thoughts, that would be appreciated.
There's three of us involved in this, me, Lilla (my partner) and TG (her boyfriend), and we work as a closed polyamorous vee. Currently, we work pretty well together, I get on very well with TG, and consider him a close friend (though both me and TG are straight. More or less). The inclusion of him has actually helped my own relationship with Lilla, as we've spent hours and hours discussing our feelings about the situation, which has obviously led to improved communication with all of us. We have our issues, just as any couple, poly or otherwise, but since we're all kind of new to this, we make sure to talk through them as much as we can, as we don't want things like resentment or jealousy to build.
Right, onto the history. Lilla and I were previously a monogamous couple for about 3 years or so. She's bisexual, though prior to our relationship she'd just had 1 boyfriend, which she came out of with a few intimacy and trust issues, particularly with her own sexual identity, and being afraid of receiving a negative response to wanting to express it. I've had some issues with my own identity as well, like expressing certain emotions or having a bad habit of not communicating. I also went through a process of thinking about my own sexuality, and only recently started defining myself as heteroflexible.
But anyway, a few months back, before TG came into the picture, we were having some major relationship and trust issues, which are separate to this, but took place at the same time as Lilla started to think about her feelings and sexual identity, and through talking to a friend came to the conclusion that she was possibly polyamorous. Unfortunately, that was put on the back burner for a couple of months, while we tried to work through the trust issues, and I wasn't ready to listen to what she was experiencing. Well, I did pay attention to it when we talked, but I wasn't ready to process it properly.
Fast forward a couple of months or so to January of this year, and Lilla travelled to a swing and blues dancing event (we're both vintage dancers), where she started properly talking to and developing a connection with TG. She knew him previously, and I'd met him once at a class he was teaching. As a side point; In the social dancing world, you will dance with hundreds of dancers over a weekend, but despite the closeness and intimacy involved, sexual attraction/tension is mostly an illusion. So with TG, she connected to him on a more personal level, outside of the dancing aspect.
After the camp they continued to talk via text and instant messaging (which wasn't sexual or romantic in the slightest), and about a week and a half later she stayed at his house after a dance event where he lives. So that was the first time she'd danced with someone, other than me, and felt a sexual connection. They stayed in the same bed, though nothing happened, and the next day she came to me and relayed the previous night's events. She didn't know what she wanted with TG (relationship, friends with benefits etc.), and I didn't quite know how to react to that, as it was a completely new situation. I'll cut this part short, as neither of us can quite remember how things played out, but eventually it settled into her wanting a relationship with TG, which forced me to massively challenge my own boundaries and feelings when it came to relationships.
This led to discussions that ran on for hours, in which I was definitely more uncomfortable, as I didn't know how I felt about her wanting a physical and emotional relationship with another man, as the entire thing surprised the both of us; her because she wasn't looking for another relationship, and me because I just wasn't expecting it, and had assumed the whole poly issue was in the background, at the time. Over the next few weeks, she stayed with him a couple more times, again with nothing much happening between the two of them, aside from some teasing. We'd set some boundaries for the physical side of things, as I was still confronting the ideas of jealousy and possession, that seem to come pre-packaged with, well, being male, and traditional relationships. Lilla and I disagreed a couple of times about these boundaries, but she did stick to them, even if she thought I was being an idiot (I was).
Eventually, we started relaxing these boundaries as I became more comfortable with their relationship, and started looking at whether being polyamorous would be something I'd want to explore, which ended up as us deciding to focus on what was now a vee, instead of introducing more people and complicating things (though I may still want to explore that in future). What helped massively was when the three of us met for the first time, as a unit, and hung out for a weekend (though we kept anything sexual separate, as none of us are interested in turning the vee into a triad). So yeah, we all got on, and TG and I instantly became friends, and since then we've all become a lot closer. TG and Lilla have since become intimate, and while it was sooner than planned, it hasn't affected anything negatively.
So that about brings us up to speed. There's plenty more to talk about, but this post has run on way longer than I thought it would, so I'll post about whatever else in the life stories bit, alongside Lilla, as we want to do a joint story thing. But anyway, if anyone has any thoughts or questions, you're more than welcome to say, as this was a bit lacking in fine detail, due to me trying to cram in as much as possible. But I'm rambling now, so I'll shut up and let you fine people have your say.
There's three of us involved in this, me, Lilla (my partner) and TG (her boyfriend), and we work as a closed polyamorous vee. Currently, we work pretty well together, I get on very well with TG, and consider him a close friend (though both me and TG are straight. More or less). The inclusion of him has actually helped my own relationship with Lilla, as we've spent hours and hours discussing our feelings about the situation, which has obviously led to improved communication with all of us. We have our issues, just as any couple, poly or otherwise, but since we're all kind of new to this, we make sure to talk through them as much as we can, as we don't want things like resentment or jealousy to build.
Right, onto the history. Lilla and I were previously a monogamous couple for about 3 years or so. She's bisexual, though prior to our relationship she'd just had 1 boyfriend, which she came out of with a few intimacy and trust issues, particularly with her own sexual identity, and being afraid of receiving a negative response to wanting to express it. I've had some issues with my own identity as well, like expressing certain emotions or having a bad habit of not communicating. I also went through a process of thinking about my own sexuality, and only recently started defining myself as heteroflexible.
But anyway, a few months back, before TG came into the picture, we were having some major relationship and trust issues, which are separate to this, but took place at the same time as Lilla started to think about her feelings and sexual identity, and through talking to a friend came to the conclusion that she was possibly polyamorous. Unfortunately, that was put on the back burner for a couple of months, while we tried to work through the trust issues, and I wasn't ready to listen to what she was experiencing. Well, I did pay attention to it when we talked, but I wasn't ready to process it properly.
Fast forward a couple of months or so to January of this year, and Lilla travelled to a swing and blues dancing event (we're both vintage dancers), where she started properly talking to and developing a connection with TG. She knew him previously, and I'd met him once at a class he was teaching. As a side point; In the social dancing world, you will dance with hundreds of dancers over a weekend, but despite the closeness and intimacy involved, sexual attraction/tension is mostly an illusion. So with TG, she connected to him on a more personal level, outside of the dancing aspect.
After the camp they continued to talk via text and instant messaging (which wasn't sexual or romantic in the slightest), and about a week and a half later she stayed at his house after a dance event where he lives. So that was the first time she'd danced with someone, other than me, and felt a sexual connection. They stayed in the same bed, though nothing happened, and the next day she came to me and relayed the previous night's events. She didn't know what she wanted with TG (relationship, friends with benefits etc.), and I didn't quite know how to react to that, as it was a completely new situation. I'll cut this part short, as neither of us can quite remember how things played out, but eventually it settled into her wanting a relationship with TG, which forced me to massively challenge my own boundaries and feelings when it came to relationships.
This led to discussions that ran on for hours, in which I was definitely more uncomfortable, as I didn't know how I felt about her wanting a physical and emotional relationship with another man, as the entire thing surprised the both of us; her because she wasn't looking for another relationship, and me because I just wasn't expecting it, and had assumed the whole poly issue was in the background, at the time. Over the next few weeks, she stayed with him a couple more times, again with nothing much happening between the two of them, aside from some teasing. We'd set some boundaries for the physical side of things, as I was still confronting the ideas of jealousy and possession, that seem to come pre-packaged with, well, being male, and traditional relationships. Lilla and I disagreed a couple of times about these boundaries, but she did stick to them, even if she thought I was being an idiot (I was).
Eventually, we started relaxing these boundaries as I became more comfortable with their relationship, and started looking at whether being polyamorous would be something I'd want to explore, which ended up as us deciding to focus on what was now a vee, instead of introducing more people and complicating things (though I may still want to explore that in future). What helped massively was when the three of us met for the first time, as a unit, and hung out for a weekend (though we kept anything sexual separate, as none of us are interested in turning the vee into a triad). So yeah, we all got on, and TG and I instantly became friends, and since then we've all become a lot closer. TG and Lilla have since become intimate, and while it was sooner than planned, it hasn't affected anything negatively.
So that about brings us up to speed. There's plenty more to talk about, but this post has run on way longer than I thought it would, so I'll post about whatever else in the life stories bit, alongside Lilla, as we want to do a joint story thing. But anyway, if anyone has any thoughts or questions, you're more than welcome to say, as this was a bit lacking in fine detail, due to me trying to cram in as much as possible. But I'm rambling now, so I'll shut up and let you fine people have your say.