Redpepper's journey

The cake was lovely. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much it meant to me. xoxoxo
 
Yay, picking flooring today. Finally. Not only that, but I think I managed to convince PN that we REALLY need to do something about our kitchen floor, bathroom floor and toilet, so we are looking at that, too.

PN hates spending money, hates adding to the destruction of the planet by buying things that will damage it (or removing stuff that will go into the landfill) and really has no desire to do anything beyond his daily norm. This is a challenge for me.

Still, Mono is interested in doing some home renos. I have learned that once he gets the bug, it's best to go with it! I reminded PN about that and we are on! It means we will be taking the boy to Europe 3 months later than planned three years from now. Ohhhhhh welllll. :rolleyes: (Such a hardship, but that was the ultimatum I was given by PN.)

It's all such a balance, this relationship stuff. Seriously, if you can balance, you can do anything.
 
I don't know how to ask this respectfully. It's just how you describe how different your loves are from each other, and how you're versatile enough to fit comfortably in with all of them. Do you feel this is something you have always had in you, or were you originally more symbiotic/co-dependent with your ex and/or PN? Do you feel the need for variety, or is it something you have just had to develop when you've fallen for such different people?
 
I don't know how to ask this respectfully. It's just how you describe how different your loves are from each other, and how you're versatile enough to fit comfortably in with all of them. Do you feel this is something you have always had in you, or were you originally more symbiotic/co-dependent with your ex and/or PN? Do you feel the need for variety, or is it something you have just had to develop when you've fallen for such different people?
Good question. I don't know how you could think it was disrespectful, though. I'm happy to do my best to answer any questions.

I was co-dependent with other partners in the past, as that is what I thought was required to be a partner. I learned from several long-term partnerships that I didn't fit that formula and felt constrained when it came to developing other close relationships, with men particularly.

PN and I have never been totally entwined in that way. He came into my marriage with my now ex-wife. We have always been non-monogamous, even though we spent years without other partners. I was always able to explore meaningful relationships with others while with him.

I have always needed companionship and deep friendships and can't seem to manage that without it becoming a relationship of partnership. Variety is part of that, I guess.

I hope that answered your questions.
 
I don't know how you could think it was disrespectful, though.

Nah I, just remembered vaguely some of your friends being worried about the future of your marriage to PN, since in their perception, you lead too independent lives from one another, and thought that maybe you were tired of people commenting on that.

This letting go of co-dependence is something I will have to give some thought to in the future, for sure. Thanks!
 
I have always needed companionship and deep friendships and can't seem to manage that without it becoming a relationship of partnership. Variety is part of that I guess.

This really struck true for me. I was talking about this with someone I am developing a close friendship with. I think it's the reason I don't have a lot of female friends, too. I inevitably end up falling for them in some way or another, and that's not cool for them. With men, the chances are much better they would be interested.

It's something I'm struggling with, really. Why must everything move toward a partnership? Is this some sort of problem I have, not being able to draw those neat little boxes for friends vs loves, and actually keep everyone in their boxes?

Because for my true friends, I've already shared so much of myself, and they themselves, how can I not want to see where that could go with physical intimacy? It's just one more way to bring you closer together, to show your love. Is that a bad thing?

Maybe I will start a new thread on this.
 
This really struck true for me. I was talking about this with someone I am developing a close friendship with. I think it's the reason I don't have a lot of female friends, too. I inevitably end of falling for them in some way or another, and that's not cool for them. With men, the chances are much better they would be interested.

It's something I'm struggling with, really. Why must everything move toward a partnership? Is this some sort of problem I have, not being able to draw those neat little boxes for friends vs loves and actually keep everyone in their boxes?

Because for my true friends, I've already shared so much of myself, and they theirselves, how can i not want to see where that could go with physical intimacy? It's just one more way to bring you closer together, to show your love. Is that a bad thing?

Maybe I will start a new thread on this ...
I'm not sure I am getting what you mean here or how it pertains to what I said. :confused: After reading the thread you started I'm even more confused.... could you say more? Maybe I will write this on your thread... http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?p=105729#post105729
 
Life is busy.

We had a great Canadian Thanksgiving weekend. A visit from my brother and his girlfriend topped it off. It was her birthday and I treated her (our money) to a horse and carriage ride in the fall leaves. It was beautiful out and she seemed to really enjoy it. So did everyone else. Mono couldn't come because there was only room for 7 in the carriage, so he had a bike ride instead with his buddies. He needed a break from my family by then anyway, I think ;)

PN took us all out on a mushroom hunt the day before and we found many varieties, but none to eat. Thankfully he had been out earlier in the week and picked some for our dinner. YUM! So good. We made a big feast of potluck items. most involving cheese. We like our cheese, apparently.

Everyone got on well and we all had an excellent time. I think it was probably the best time yet, a huge feat due to some really strong characters, independent thinkers and some real organizers who conflict in most circumstances.

I haven't seen Derby in about two weeks as a result of the holidays, being sick and off work and because she is away at a conference this week. I am hoping next week we can at least meet for coffee, with a date to follow the week after. Date with Leo too for that matter! He has been in the process of buying a business and a building to put it in. I've had a few texts and emails from him out of the blue. He actually listened when I said I just needed him to contact me sometimes.

I have a show coming up next Friday that I am doing three numbers in. One is a cat number that I am really enjoying preparing for. It has a cheeky message about hair at the end of it when I do my reveal. ;) I have the schedule for all next year now so I can plan my life around monthly shows. I think I am a keeper to the producer. Yay! :)

I have a few workshops lined up already for the new year at a local sex-positive community center, for want of a better term. I am planning to do a version of the mono/poly workshop we do and one on sexual boundaries that include sexual self defense. "How to look after our boundaries and stay solid in who we are in a community that promotes promiscuity and indulgence." I can't believe that I can actually say that I live a life where that would/could be an issue for some! Who would've guessed, considering the past and how sex of any kind was frowned upon except with your husband. And don't talk about it, please! :)

This weekend Mono and I will celebrate his 40th. We are going to my parents' island property. The one that only a couple of years ago they asked PN and me to sign over to them as they were in a state of horror about Mono being in our lives. Ironic, no?

We intend to take a chainsaw and do some woodcutting. Last time we were there, Mono helped my dad cut some trees down and now we will process them for firewood. Should be an excellent weekend. PN had a line-up of social events with LB and his friends. Fun all around for all of us. :)
 
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Happy birthday, dude! :)
 
Libras rock! My 30th birthday was 2 weeks ago and our Pretty Lady's birthday is today, as well. I believe this is her 7th year being 29.

Hope you two have an amazing day!
 
I am fortunately blessed to be with two Librans. Mono is on the cusp of Scorpio. No big surprise there ;) PN is a Picean and Leo a Leo (surprise! :D). Water, fire and earth.... just need me some air. ;) My birthday is next, Sag.... :)
 
Mono has his place back! It took two months, but he's back home. He just needs a toilet. That should be in today.

It went well, all of us together. I am impressed with us. The lack of privacy was an issue and it created a dynamic that I enjoyed somewhat, but also realized I would not want in the future, necessarily. We were more like roommates than a vee. I missed alone time with both men and realized how important having that is. Mono and I have our own routines and so do PN and I. I live two separate lives with them and like it like that.

My parents' dog tripped and fell on the porch the other night and she broke her back. It was a horrific experience that resulted in her being put down, after dragging her large droopy body to the emergency vet. She was an old dog, but in good health. It was really hard for all of us.

On top of that, the really old cat got out. She has dementia and wandered off. No one could find her. It turned out that someone picked her up and took her to the pound. Mono, PN and LB all pitched in with flash lights to search the neighborhood looking for her,while my parents and I were at the vet. They were very grateful, even though she wasn't found until the pound called the next day. It was a moment in our family history of coming together to support and help out my parents and their pets. It just sealed for us more how important it is to have family, chosen or otherwise.
 
I'm feeling restless lately and like my world is out of sorts. I suspect it's to do with Leo. I almost can't bear to see him anymore, due to the fact that I am drawing to a close on the experiment of not being closer to him to include sexual intimacy. I don't know what to do about it, if anything. He doesn't want any of it to change because he doesn't want to lose what we have, so why push it? It might mean I will have to say good-bye, but that won't change the position I am in, even for next time. If there is a next time. I get incredibly anxious and sad before and after I see him. I enjoy our time together, but its over shadowed by fear, doubt, and sadness. What to do? What to do?
 
((HUGS))

I go through these cycles with my friends (all platonic), especially when we are still building and defining the friendship. I start to get depressed and sad because I feel distant and withdrawan or like they are withdrawing from me. I think to myself that maybe I've pushed too far and I'm more interested than they are... Then I meet up with them and all seems good. Sometimes I might push too far, but other times I get too sensative to normal everyday mood changes, etc. Other times, I find I have to push just a little harder and then things move forward again.

I can't speak to your issue with the sex as I don't need that in a close friendship (at least I haven't so far:p), but I do find that as I grow closer to people I need more contact. So I think that if friendships are to grow (even or maybe especailly platonic ones), contact needs to increase over time. It doesn't even have to be drastic.
 
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