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Old 07-01-2013, 12:42 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,598

Sorry about the break up, that just sucks and there's no two ways about it.

Originally Posted by Hetaera View Post
So my privacy can be violated but hers cant? Again, WTF?
She is the primary and you were the secondary; which means they don't give a shit if you get it or not. The only thing that is important is if the primary relationship is healthy. Which, of course, is total and complete bullshit.

I'm glad she showed her cards and forced you two to break up. I'm also really glad you don't intend to let this happen again. (I hope that your saying that you won't let it happen again means you'll avoid these power grab relationships in the future) I am against these types of hierarchical relationships because of this kind of crap. If some outside third party has say (to any degree) over your relationship I would call that a "lease" instead of a "relationship". That is not a good setting for flourishing.

Originally Posted by Hetaera View Post
Anyway, we're still going to be friends & I'm still invited to come stay with them, we're just not allowed to have sex, which is more or less ok. I am a rational being & when emotions come into play, I understand that they are not rational. My lover & I are very close & I couldn't stand the thought of losing his friendship as much as I love the sexual part of our relationship. I did ask that we make love one last time or at least be able to spend an evening alone even if sex is completely off the table. I hope I get my wish, I feel like I need the closure.
I get why you would want this, because you're in love with the guy, but honestly it's just asking for trouble. These two have some heavy garbage to work out and I for one hope you don't get in the middle of it any further.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent