metandwessy
New member
Hello everyone!
I am a cis-gendered heteroflexible woman in a primary relationship with a cis-gendered heteroflexible man. We live together, are committed to each other and we've been together for a little over a year and a half. We have had our bumps in the road as we discover what works for us and what doesn't. We've dated and explored sexually both on our own and together. Right now we are mostly interested in dating and being sexual with others together even though I know that can be hard since we may not always agree.
My question today is about a recent sexual experience that is troubling to me. We've had a few orgies, threesomes, same room, soft and full swap with other couples. All have gone on without a hitch and without any jealousy arising during the encounter. We recently met a woman online and wanted to have a threesome with her. Some issues came up before we even met up due to his excitement and investment in her before even knowing her that scared me. We worked through it and decided to go forward with the threesome.
It started out great, she is a beautiful young woman who seems like a sane and genuinely decent person. I was into her, she was into me, my partner was into her and she was into him. Here's the rundown: we gave her a massage, my partner gave her oral, I used my vibrator, then my partner asked about having sex and she said she didn't want to so he then had intercourse with me. Then he started to go limp and stopped and we all laid around for a bit. He then wanted to pleasure her orally again. After the second time he pleasured her she said "ok I feel bad now because i feel like I'm taking all of the attention". Then we laid around together for a bit, then she started to get up to get dressed and put her underwear back on. Then my partner said "I'm going to masturbate if you guys don't mind" which we said ok and he then proceeded to stare at her, touch her and completely ignore me until he ejaculated all over me.
It seemed like it was a V with her at the center and I'm feeling like my partner didn't give me enough attention because was so enraptured by her. I didn't notice it the whole time until so profoundly at the very end when he stared solely at her as he pleasured himself. We processed it a little bit after she left and he admitted that he was worried that he might have given her too much attention and I got upset and we got in a fight. Then I started to think back to the rest of it and realized that's what was happening the whole time. He thinks I have tunnel vision and I'm just remembering all the times that he wasn't paying attention to me instead of all the times that he was. He claims he asked me if I wanted him to give me oral and I said no and he said he stopped fucking me because he didn't want to get off and for it to be over (even though he wasn't fully hard). He says he didn't touch me when he was masturbating because he is left handed and I was on his left. He also says it was because when he did look at me, I didn't look into it and she was so he focused more on her. He also thinks that if I felt I wasn't getting attention that I should have inserted myself more and basically fought for more attention.
Oh also, she's moving away in a few days and he wants to try to meet up with her again to have another one before she leaves. he admits he has been thinking about her and he has had sexual dreams about just her and him. I told him I don't want to have another one because some stuff is not resolved.
In general, I think we have great relationship and I'm surprised that this happened this way. I feel like he wasn't attracted to me in that experience and I'm taking it very personally. I'm trying to normalize my feelings instead of take to mean that something is wrong with me or my relationship but it's really hard. I need some help!
Is this a common occurrence in threesomes that a partner would be more into a new person (kind of like the new toy on christmas morning phenomenon (not that people are toys))?
Is there something I could/should have done differently?
How do I move through this? Any tips/advice?
Are there any articles or research about this type of thing that you guys would recommend?
Thank you and sorry for the long post!
I am a cis-gendered heteroflexible woman in a primary relationship with a cis-gendered heteroflexible man. We live together, are committed to each other and we've been together for a little over a year and a half. We have had our bumps in the road as we discover what works for us and what doesn't. We've dated and explored sexually both on our own and together. Right now we are mostly interested in dating and being sexual with others together even though I know that can be hard since we may not always agree.
My question today is about a recent sexual experience that is troubling to me. We've had a few orgies, threesomes, same room, soft and full swap with other couples. All have gone on without a hitch and without any jealousy arising during the encounter. We recently met a woman online and wanted to have a threesome with her. Some issues came up before we even met up due to his excitement and investment in her before even knowing her that scared me. We worked through it and decided to go forward with the threesome.
It started out great, she is a beautiful young woman who seems like a sane and genuinely decent person. I was into her, she was into me, my partner was into her and she was into him. Here's the rundown: we gave her a massage, my partner gave her oral, I used my vibrator, then my partner asked about having sex and she said she didn't want to so he then had intercourse with me. Then he started to go limp and stopped and we all laid around for a bit. He then wanted to pleasure her orally again. After the second time he pleasured her she said "ok I feel bad now because i feel like I'm taking all of the attention". Then we laid around together for a bit, then she started to get up to get dressed and put her underwear back on. Then my partner said "I'm going to masturbate if you guys don't mind" which we said ok and he then proceeded to stare at her, touch her and completely ignore me until he ejaculated all over me.
It seemed like it was a V with her at the center and I'm feeling like my partner didn't give me enough attention because was so enraptured by her. I didn't notice it the whole time until so profoundly at the very end when he stared solely at her as he pleasured himself. We processed it a little bit after she left and he admitted that he was worried that he might have given her too much attention and I got upset and we got in a fight. Then I started to think back to the rest of it and realized that's what was happening the whole time. He thinks I have tunnel vision and I'm just remembering all the times that he wasn't paying attention to me instead of all the times that he was. He claims he asked me if I wanted him to give me oral and I said no and he said he stopped fucking me because he didn't want to get off and for it to be over (even though he wasn't fully hard). He says he didn't touch me when he was masturbating because he is left handed and I was on his left. He also says it was because when he did look at me, I didn't look into it and she was so he focused more on her. He also thinks that if I felt I wasn't getting attention that I should have inserted myself more and basically fought for more attention.
Oh also, she's moving away in a few days and he wants to try to meet up with her again to have another one before she leaves. he admits he has been thinking about her and he has had sexual dreams about just her and him. I told him I don't want to have another one because some stuff is not resolved.
In general, I think we have great relationship and I'm surprised that this happened this way. I feel like he wasn't attracted to me in that experience and I'm taking it very personally. I'm trying to normalize my feelings instead of take to mean that something is wrong with me or my relationship but it's really hard. I need some help!
Is this a common occurrence in threesomes that a partner would be more into a new person (kind of like the new toy on christmas morning phenomenon (not that people are toys))?
Is there something I could/should have done differently?
How do I move through this? Any tips/advice?
Are there any articles or research about this type of thing that you guys would recommend?
Thank you and sorry for the long post!