vanille
New member
I've shared some of my background on other posts, but for those who did not see here goes:
Married to high school sweetheart. Together ten years. Mono the whole time. Talks of poly began about a month ago.
We have different goals: I want to date (as if I was single) and form emotional and perhaps someday sexual bonds. While I would enjoy experiencing new sexual encounters (I've been with only three men in my 25 years), it's not my primary goal. Emotions first, sex second.
He is the opposite. High and adventurous sexual appetite, eager to try new people and things - especially the things I am not comfortable with. For him - sex first, emotions second (if at all).
I support his goals, they do not really hurt me (well except the obvious jealousy, which I do believe can be overcome).
We are in Amsterdam for a night (tonight) and we have talked about him seeing a prostitute in the Red Light District. First of all, before I get the hate for prostitutes - I've done my research. In Amsterdam, since it is a legal profession and there is free health care, the risk of STDs are much lower. The ladies are provided free testing whenever they want and almost all of them take advantage of this (we talked with a former prostitute about the realities of this world). They take their health seriously (especially since it costs them nothing to do so) and will not engage without condoms.
Alright, moving on. While I think I'm okay with this, I'm still a bit nervous about what my reaction will be after. I honestly don't know what it will be. I think what will hit me the most (even harder than him sleeping with another woman) is the fact that this is so unfamiliar. We have never slept with anyone else in the past seven years. While I'd love to think this will not bother me, I can't say for certainty what will happen.
So, does anyone have experience with this? Perhaps your partner is the same as my husband and prefers sex without emotions attached? Perhaps your first encounters with poly were similar to mine? Do you think this might be an easier way to first experience poly? I think it would be harder if he was already in love with someone and that is how the subject arose.
I'm eager to start dating on my own and believe this might be the push we need to get things started and get out of limbo.
So, just looking for any thoughts on the matter. Thank you for taking the time to read this and perhaps respond.
Married to high school sweetheart. Together ten years. Mono the whole time. Talks of poly began about a month ago.
We have different goals: I want to date (as if I was single) and form emotional and perhaps someday sexual bonds. While I would enjoy experiencing new sexual encounters (I've been with only three men in my 25 years), it's not my primary goal. Emotions first, sex second.
He is the opposite. High and adventurous sexual appetite, eager to try new people and things - especially the things I am not comfortable with. For him - sex first, emotions second (if at all).
I support his goals, they do not really hurt me (well except the obvious jealousy, which I do believe can be overcome).
We are in Amsterdam for a night (tonight) and we have talked about him seeing a prostitute in the Red Light District. First of all, before I get the hate for prostitutes - I've done my research. In Amsterdam, since it is a legal profession and there is free health care, the risk of STDs are much lower. The ladies are provided free testing whenever they want and almost all of them take advantage of this (we talked with a former prostitute about the realities of this world). They take their health seriously (especially since it costs them nothing to do so) and will not engage without condoms.
Alright, moving on. While I think I'm okay with this, I'm still a bit nervous about what my reaction will be after. I honestly don't know what it will be. I think what will hit me the most (even harder than him sleeping with another woman) is the fact that this is so unfamiliar. We have never slept with anyone else in the past seven years. While I'd love to think this will not bother me, I can't say for certainty what will happen.
So, does anyone have experience with this? Perhaps your partner is the same as my husband and prefers sex without emotions attached? Perhaps your first encounters with poly were similar to mine? Do you think this might be an easier way to first experience poly? I think it would be harder if he was already in love with someone and that is how the subject arose.
I'm eager to start dating on my own and believe this might be the push we need to get things started and get out of limbo.
So, just looking for any thoughts on the matter. Thank you for taking the time to read this and perhaps respond.